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A new mother has complained about her mother-in-law saying “it’s my baby not our baby!”

The woman says the child’s grandmother shouldn’t refer to the newborn as “my baby”, because it undermines her position as a mother.

She asked an online community of other mums for their opinion on whether or not she was overreacting.

She posted the following on Mumsnet:
“She constantly refers to my baby as ‘our baby’. This annoyed me a bit as I grew up with a lot of children and it’s my first baby so it’s a big deal for me!

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“Yes she is the grandmother and it’s her family too so I brushed the ‘our’ bits off thinking I was being silly….

“But am I being unreasonable to get annoyed when she starts saying ‘my baby my baby’ when she’s talking about…well my baby not hers?”

mumsnet

The woman’s post generated many responses, with the majority of other mums telling her she was overreacting and it was just an expression.

How would you feel?

Share your comments below.

  • I’m sure she is not doing it intentionally at least she is paying attention to her grandchild yes it may bug you as mother but sometimes you have to shrug it off
    I do t think it’s worth argument over May if your around her and your baby may be just say where’s my baby to the baby

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  • I think her MIL is being insensitive in calling it our or my baby. Have you spoken to her about your feelings. I don’t think she means anything by it though. Probably just not thinking.

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  • I am guessing it is a term she was used to in her day, when people lived in the same house more and they would welcome the new addition and say “our” baby meaning the new baby of the house. But it would be a bit annoying, either explain your feelings or just ignore it.

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  • Can understand why the new mum is upset – it never happened to me, thank heavens.

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  • She probably doesn’t mean anything by it but I can see why the new mother might be upset.

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  • Ahhhh another MIL who can’t let go and needs to relive her parenting through her Grandchild. I totally get this Mum and understand her frustration and feeling of disrespect from her MIL. There is a lot more at play here and I think this is only the start of how this MIL will try to impress herself on this baby and family.

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  • I agree with the mum, the MIL shouldn’t say “my baby”, the MIL might not be meaning anything nasty/bad by saying “my baby” but the MIL had her babies now it’s time for this mum to have her turn. I have had both my MIL and mum try to take moments from me with my child.

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  • I think it depends on the rest of your MIL’s behaviour, if she shows what she says also in action I would certainly feel unpleasant about it as well.

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  • She probably doesn’t even realise she is doing it.

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  • Honestly, I’ve never heard any grandmother saying “my baby”. I too would probably be uncomfortable with it. My youngest is 39 now, and I never had this problem. I have heard of entitled grandmothers in some stories I have read that say that, and they really believe that they should be classed as the mother, especially if the grandmother is the paternal grandmother, I hope this is not the case. Maybe she should talk to her and explain to her how she feels when she says it.

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  • I take her reference to “my baby” as a term of endearment towards her grandchild – as in, she’s cooing about how adorable the child is and how much love she has towards it.

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  • I think the MIL isn’t taking over the baby. Yet saying my/our baby as in terms of her grandchild. Unless she is taking over motherly duties then i dont see a problem.
    And this is coming from a DIL who doesnt always get along with her MIL. My MIL and SIL say our/my …. It doesnt bother me at all.

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  • Yep this would annoy me. If she didn’t carry the baby for 9 months or give birth to the baby, then she shouldn’t be saying ‘My Baby’.

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  • I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your mil

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  • I had a mil who continually put me down, tried to put my husband in the middle. For 15 years I had to deal with that. If the worst she ever did was refer to her grandchild, the child of her son and I, as “my baby” I’d have been happy she loved her grand child so much. I think this is a territorial issue over nothing. I think it takes a village to raise a child and I’d prefer to include her and be grateful.

    Reply

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