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Aussie mum speaks out about her labour, urging other woman to be vocal in what they want after she was pushed into a birth she hated.

Blogger and mum-of-four Stevie Niki shared her experience on Instagram, revealing how the arrival of her daughter was ruined because of what happened in the birthing suite.

“As magic & as amazing as child birth is, it isn’t always a good experience,” Stevie wrote last November, which has since gone viral again.

“I couldn’t even hold her or look at her after she was born – not straight away. Not because of her, but because of me, what I just went through & the pain I was still in.”

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“My experience was awful – the midwife ignored my requests for the epidural [saying], ‘You don’t need that, you’ve done this before’,” she wrote.

“I was told to be quiet, every scream I let out. When I finally gave birth, right there in the shower, after what felt like forever.

“They told me to look & to hold her but I couldn’t. I couldn’t turn around, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t open my eyes. The pain was immense, I felt paralysed on all fours, where I didn’t want to be & still labouring the placenta – which by the way, hurt just as bloody much.”

Admitting she hasn’t forgiven herself for not being the first person to hold her daughter, she’s urged other mums not to be ‘ignored and dismissed’ like she was.

The My Tribe of Six blogger shared a photo of her finally holding her newborn, saying no matter what experience they go through, the joy of welcoming a baby is the most important thing.

“I just wanted to share that births don’t always go as planned & although this wasn’t due to medical reasons, but more so someone pushing their idea of how to birth onto me – its ok,” she wrote.

“Birth isn’t always the magic others talk about. That’s fine, its still your experience & you shouldn’t feel like you’re alone in that.

“Birth is different for each of us each time.

“Its not always nice, but its always worth it.

“A terrible experience, but one of the best days of my life.”

As magic & as amazing as child birth is, it isnt always a good experience. I couldnt even hold her or look at her after she was born – not straight away. Not because of her, but because of me, what i just went through & the pain i was still in. Theres all this pressure on how amazing it should be & what we should feel afterwards. My experience was awful – the midwife ignored my requests for the epidural “you dont need that, youve done this before” I was cohersed into a shower i didnt want, promised if i tried that, she would get me the epidural i begged for. I was told to be quiet, every scream i let out. When i finally gave birth, right there in the shower, after what felt like forever. They told me to look & to hold her but i couldnt. I couldn’t turn around, i couldnt move, i couldnt open my eyes. The pain was immense, i felt paralyzed on all fours, where i didnt want to be & still labouring the placenta – which by the way, hurt just as bloody much. By the time i birthed that & got cleaned up (already in the shower) I’d say it was 40 minutes before i seen her or held her. I felt so angry & upset, still do. Thinking back, im riddled with guilt. It makes me tear up, knowing i wasnt the first to hold her, she didnt get the skin to skin the others got & it wasnt positive at all.I didnt feel encouraged, i felt judged & forced into a birth i didnt want & that could have been avoided. My husband still talks about how frustrating & upsetting it was to watch me be ignored & dismissed. Im probably not the best to deal with in labour, it hurt ALOT but i was well supported the other 3x. I just wanted to share that births dont always go as planned & although this wasnt due to medical reasons, but more so someone pushing their idea of how to birth onto me – its ok. Birth isnt always the magic others talk about. Thats fine, its still your experience & you shouldn’t feel like youre alone in that. Birth is different for each of us each time. Its not always nice, but its always worth it. A terrible experience, but one of the best days of my life. So this is us, my first hold. PS. Midwives are AMAZING & i sing their praises often! This was just a crappy experience.

A post shared by Stevie ✌???????? Aussie Mama (@mytribeofsix) on

After sharing her birth story Stevie received lots of nasty comments and was told she was ungrateful, she responded to those cruel comments below…

“Apparently us as mothers and women, can not share our own experiences and feelings without being told they are wrong, we are ungrateful, selfish or bragging.

“Why is it, that the people who should be empowering, uplifting and empathising in our experiences, journey and struggles are the ones tearing us down?

“Why are some women so quick to judge and compare?

“Come on ladies – if some one shares something, that’s their truth, their experience, their feelings… all of which are valid.

“I read today that I am ungrateful and that my bad birth experience was my own fault and I was unfairly shifting blame.”

Read her full response below…

So heres another photo of the baby i was ungrateful for ???? . Apparently us as mothers and women, can not share our own experiences and feelings without being told they are wrong, we are ungrateful, selfish or bragging. Why is it, that the people who should be empowering, uplifting and empathising in our experiences, journey and struggles are the ones tearing us down? Why are some women so quick to judge and compare? Come on ladies – if some one shares something, thats their truth, their experience, their feelings… all of which are valid. I read today that i am ungrateful and that my bad birth experience (that i shared a couple weeks ago) was my own fault and i was unfairly shifting blame. 12 months ago, those comments would have sent me into a spiral of sadness and anxiousness. I would have closed my instagram and blog (like i did the first time i read the comments after having a blog published). Im now in a place where, for the most part it doesnt upset me THAT much. I have always understood there will be people who dont agree with me and what i share – which is fine. Unfortuntely on the internet, there will be people who feel the need to be negative and mean – thats never OK, but I’ve come to terms with it. That reflects them and not me. Im finally at a point in my life where i can hold my head high, own my experiences in life and am some what confident in who i am. I no longer worry about what others think or try to fit in. Thats no way to live and not the role model i want to be for my kids. So here i am, this is all me. My deepest thoughts and experiences, my mundane mum life and my daggy, silly self. I own what i choose to do and say for the world. Its therapeutic for me and mostly women connect with, thank and support me. As long as i know i am a good person and someone my kids can be proud of, then thats enough.. theres nothing i write on here, that i wouldnt share or want my kids to know or read later in life. I am very conscious of that. Just remember, when you comment on an article or a post – that there is a real person behind them words and pictures. #DontBeADick #NeverUngrateful #NeverBlamedAnyone

A post shared by Stevie ✌???????? Aussie Mama (@mytribeofsix) on

How is it being ungrateful? Every mum has a right to choose their birthing method.

Do you have a similar story to share?

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  • Every birth is different and not only between people – having had four children, I can state honestly that each birth was different and none were the same as the one before. Sorry you went through this, but I wouldn’t have brought it up on social media myself. Who needs extra grief?

    Reply

  • Thank you for sharing your story. When we tell people what really happens and they try to be little what we went through. My oldest nearly killed me having him. I was told I did not listen properly and that was why I needed so much blood to replace what was lost. We need to be able to share.

    Reply

  • Thank you Stevie for a refreshingly honest story. My personal experience a very long time ago was similar – a nightmare that will live with me forever both mentally and physically. Access the professional help you may need to overcome this very traumatic experience. I wish I had done it many years ago.

    Reply

  • Mums should be able to share all of their birth stories in an honest manner and not be judged because of them.

    Reply

  • Sharing your feelings and emotions is never wrong ! That’s why good friendships are so important.

    Reply

  • sounds like another nurse/midwife that needs firing

    Reply

  • I don’t think it’s ungrateful or selfish to talk honestly about your experiences.

    Reply

  • Every mum has the right to share their birthing story without shame or fear of reprisal. We are all different and feel differently about everything.

    Reply

  • In that case I’d be more cross with my husband for not better advocating for my needs while I was unable to do so for myself effectively.

    Reply

  • I remember my sister in law sharing her bad birthing experiences with me when I was pregnant with my first child. Her reasoning was I needed to know it would hurt, it’s not easy, it’s no picnic. And it’s not

    Reply

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