This mum sounds out of balance !

Whilst I don’t agree with mil showing up unannounced and with other people, it sounds like mum also had some serious issues to react the way she did. And to now leave her husband? She needs help!

My inlaws invited themselves to stay in our house when we had our babies. To say I was displeased is an understatement! I went through all of this! I didn’t want visitors for 2 weeks post birth, with our first my husband asked them to stay with one of his aunts. They did but still came and visited every single day! I had no chance to rest, heal, bond etc and it caused a lot of arguments between my husband and I. I feel for you, but your husband didn’t invite his mother into the house and hand her the baby. It’s terrible that your baby got sick and that he didn’t seem as upset about it as you are, but are you sure divorce is the correct answer here?

I’m so sorry you feel this way – unsupported, unheard. The weeks and months following birth are traumatic, emotional, hormonal, crazy, hectic — so many things. I hope you have some help and support from some other family members to help you through this and also suggest seeking professional help. When things calm down, you might feel differently. Clearly high emotions are at play, and the hubby and MIL need to also understand that and to give you some space. All the best.

That seems excessive but okay each to their own i guess.

Look hun, first believe me I understand, you see my mil was ex mother in law was the wicked witch of Australia, I was still in the delivery room just had my son he was minutes old and she grabbed him and nearly dropped him on the floor, I was in shock, said to my husband at the time take him off he. Also my ex husband was very very close to his mother, anything I did he’d say why can’t you do it like my mum? She was always telling me what to do and judging me, when she’d come into our home she always check for dust. I realise that it’s bad that your mother in law has gone against your wishes and it’s really bad that Bub is sick, but Please don’t leave your Husband sit down and talk to him tell him all you feel, and yes at the moment your hormones are everywhere, I hope you and Bub feel better soon.

Oh my. This seems a bit over the top. What a reaction.

Goodness gracious, calm down. Yes she is a horrible person, but that is no reason to get a divorce.

I think the mum is letting her hormones take over. It’s too soon to be making life changing decisions. Yes, MIL was out of line. Yes, hubby’s still attached to his umbilical cord. But, baby is still hubby’s baby and MIL’s grandson.
Set boundaries. Give MIL a chance. Give reasonable visits (eg. Come every second day to visit for 30mins only, wash hands when arriving, no kissing his face and help out by folding some baby clothes). 2mo alone is not what a new mum needs for her own mental health.
If you divorce him, he will have baby alone then MIL will have access unsupervised to smother baby’s face with hers. This is what MIL probably wants. Don’t let her win!

Wow, look I get it. I have a very hard to handle MIL too, but I think this is a huge overreaction. I’m not sure if the article is just missing detail or what, but was the MIL sick and then kissed the baby? You don’t know that the sickness came from her. Clearly the father was going in and out of the house. You can pick up and carry sickness in from anywhere. The whole idea that they expected people to quarantine for a week is severely OTT. As long as you’re vaccinated and not sick it should be fine. If the MIL is interfering too much and taking control, talk to your husband and set boundaries. For goodness sake don’t leave the poor guy it’s not like he actually did anything in this situation. Yes, it would be frustrating that he can’t see your side, but work through your issues!

I understand exactly what your going through. My MIL refuses to get the whooping cough booster as her theory is “I don’t have whooping cough so i don’t need it”. That’s the kind of woman I deal with. Its always her way or the high way. To turn up unannounced we with others is very disrespectful. But my Mother also pushed boundaries too. Both women were overjoyed with the first born grand son. At 3 weeks, hormones are still settling in and post natal depression can sneak up on you as well. So Hubby has no clue what your mentally and emotionally dealing with. However, 2 months to acclimate is very unheard of. 2months for no one to see the new born is quite extreme. You want the baby to be exposed to particular people and you want noise. My SIL was strict with visitors and no noise that her two kids struggled with adapting to people and sleep through noises. You do need to have a talk with hubby but you have no reason to apologise. Your the one who got hurt. Others need to stop playing victim and come to their senses to why you flipped out. I was forced to apologise to my MIL when she was the one who disrespected me and I still brew over it til today. So don’t apologise for something you didn’t do….. Apologise that the fact that they couldn’t be understanding and respectful to you.

No one should ever turn up uninvited; it is not a surprise; it is entitled behaviour and bad manners. Never let other family and in laws impact on a relationship. Boundaries need to be established from the beginning and adhered too at all times. Communication needs to occur between the parents and professional support could be beneficial to save the relationship.

• • 
  • • mom93821 replied
    • 28 Feb 2024 , 6:36 am

  ---

  Counselling may be helpful in this relationship.

Its a big thing and she shouldn’t have visited un announced. If you have other issues with your husband sure but I think its a bit too new post partem to be making big decisions. If you agree for him to see your son you won’t always get to choose what they do so either way down the track this won’t be worth it if this is the main issue (the incident)

I also think this is a rather extreme reaction.
I can understand being angry with the MIL for not respecting boundaries and being frustrated with her partner for not standing up to his mother but as others have said hormones can make things seem worse than they are . It is sad for all involved.

I know how hard it is when a mother in law has a hold of their son (my mil is a divorcee who was wayy too protective of her son). Try not to let her interfere or destroy your marriage, it’s not worth it.

She is definitely taking extreme measures I feel. She needs to just relax and enjoy bonding with her little one.
Over dramatic ????

I get being over protective, but having split time where you wont know where your baby is and who with when its the fathers turn, wouldnt that be worse?

Whilst I could empathise with you on this 100%, I don’t think your rationale is on a normal level when you’re post baby, and the protector in us as new mums can make us take things to the extremes. No doubt about it your MIL was out of line, not only rocking up unannounced but bringing a tribe with her is unbelievable.
However; to cut your husband off before you’ve even had a chance to start parenting together?
I don’t think that’s right.
Maybe there were just too many things that have happened leading up to this ????????‍♀️.
Good luck with however it goes.

I’m sorry but I find your actions way over the top. You’ve left because of this? You said you had 5 wonderful years and yet you don’t seem willing to try and sit down and talk with him civilly over the situation. Yes, MIL’s can be really pushy, trust me I’ve been there. But you stand your ground whether your husband agrees or not. How do you really know she made your baby suck? You don’t, you’re making an assumption. Why blow 5 wonderful years away over your MIL? To me, I’d be digging my heels in and making her follow your rules. But 2 months seems a bit over the top to get acclimatised as you say. Your body is raging with hormones atm and little things seem huge. So don’t leave him over this. Remember too, your MIL will probably have your child every time your husband does get him for visits. So really you’re cutting your nose off to spite your face, as they say. I hope you work it out. But leaving over this is extreme!!

It’s very daunting for first time mums, I know you just wanted to protect your baby but expecting 2 months is ok for a grandmother not to see their first grandson is quite extreme. They should never have come unannounced but I feel having that time restraint put on them only exacerbated that situation. I’m sure they wouldn’t have come over sick so blaming them when I assume he’s come from a hospital which is full of sick people and anywhere you or your husband has been is a bit unfair. If you want to leave your husband that is your decision but to say it’s because of your mother visiting & kissing your son making him sick or whatever else you want to blame is very irrational.