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A dad-of-two says his wife thinks he’s ‘financially abusive’ after he used her budget to hire a house cleaner.

The dad says he works full time, while his wife is a stay-at-home mum to their children, aged 10 and 12.

“I pay all the bills, put money aside for the kids’ education, emergencies, savings, vacations, retirement, etc. then whatever is left I split 50/50 with my wife,” the husband explained.

“Recently she has decided that I do not do enough around the house so she wants me to start doing more chores. I asked if we were going to split up all the chores again.

“What I mean is the kids have their chores, she has hers, and I have mine. So if she wants me to do more I want mine redistributed as well. I think she can mow the lawn and do the yard work and house maintenance.”

But he discovered that wasn’t what his wife wanted at all … and things took a turn.

“This is not what she wants. She wants me to take on more of the chores we agreed would be hers. On top of earning all the money, and all the chores I currently have.”

“I asked her what she wanted me to do. She gave me a list. I hired a cleaning service and paid for it out of our budget before splitting the fun money.

“Now she says that I’m an asshole and being financially abusive. I think it’s a fair compromise.”

What do you think of this situation? Let us know in the comments below. 

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  • I actually think its a rather good idea who loves to do housework anyways be honest

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  • I could understand if the children were little but they are at school most of the day so why does she want her husband to do more. I’d agree if she wants to look for a job but, if it’s just so that she can have more free time to socialise, then the jobs should stay as they are. Her husband isn’t giving her less and keeping more for himself but he’s splitting what’s left evenly between them both. Hopefully they get everything sorted to both of their satisfaction.

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  • I hope they get on the same page. Household jobs should be shared amongst the household, regardless of work status because parenting as a stay at home parent is also work. Hiring a cleaner isn’t a bad solution. I do wonder if he is also controlling the money, hence the reaction. Money into the family should be family money if he is controlling the money (and there is a difference between controlling and managing). A mediator or counsellor specialising in financial matters may do them wonders.

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  • Seems like communication could have avoided this – its tough, yes he earns the money, but their married so it’s THEIRS

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  • Always a touchy subject in so many homes. He lives there too, of course he should do chores. I bet even if his wife also worked he’d still do what he does now, not much!

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  • I think she is right he is an arsehole and it looks like she will be having a lot of headaches in the future and his sex life may dry up

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  • This made me laugh. I thought it was a novel way to resolve their differences so there was no need for arguments. A way of thinking outside the box.

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  • It depends on what she wanted him to take on… but it’s not financially abusive. He should have talked about it first, though.

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  • The wife sounds like she’s just being lazy. She’s a stay at home mum. Doing the housework IS her job. The kids are at school full-time and old enough to help with things, so I think she’s being unreasonable asking the husband to do more in the first place and I can understand his response.

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  • Eek that’s tough. Sounds to me they need to be having a good talk about their situation. It’s not fair that mum is trying to unload more work on her husband who sounds like he already does his share. There needs to be compromise on both sides.

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  • I think this is something you need to communicate first. If both of them agree it’s worth-it to hire a cleaner, then there is no problem.


    • I agree; they really do need to be united and line up priorities.

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  • Communication appears to be an issue and not being on the ‘same page’. These issues need to be sorted and agreed and fair plans for house, garden and finances put into action.

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  • Financial abuse is a bit of a strong term to use here. Their communication is lacking. She needs to explain her reasoning, he should have discussed the cleaner. It’s a tricky situation.


    • Absolutely, communication is the key ! It’s important to work together and make decisions together as a couple.

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  • It sounds like he’s already doing chores and working full time. By 10 & 12 kids can do a lot for themselves and if she’s a stay at home mum then she probably should be taking on the majority of household chores. I don’t think he’s been unfair unless there’s more to the story.

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  • I don’t think there is financial abuse here. He has hired a cleaner to help and taken the money out of their budget pre-distribution so they’re both contributing to the cost. I think that’s fair.

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  • It’s not a compromise if they didn’t discuss it first.

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  • I personally think there is alot more to this story. Communication is their downfall.

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  • It’s very hard to know how much each does here so impossible to comment. They just need to discuss what is fair first and distribute the jobs between themsleves. Then if they pay someone for extras that comes out of the first pot then split the rest.

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  • To me it doesn’t seem like there is good communication happening between the couple. I would have tried to discuss it more before going and hiring a cleaner. Perhaps there are some factors around why she is wanting some more support with the household chores that we aren’t aware of. I wouldn’t say the husband is financially abusive, I think that was a bit harsh.

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