In theory, it sounded scrumptious. A saucy cheesy pizza got married to flaky puff pastry to create a taste tantalising, deep-dish pizza pie. Sadly, in the harsh reality of convenience petrol station grub, the Coles Express Pizza Pie is an abysmal disaster, and shoppers are not shy to express their disgust!
It’s a family tradition to pick up luke-warm pies from petrol stations when we’re on a road trip. I know thousands of others who grab petrol station basic meat pies for an easy lunch or afternoon snack. We all know they’re not exactly gourmet but it’s generally pretty edible and fills the gap.
But when petrol station mini-marts go all hoity-toity on us and releases a ‘limited edition’ Coles Express Pizza Pie and Chicken Pie spiced with Tabasco Sauce, foodies like me start to pay attention.
The promo video of the Coles Express Pizza Pie looked good enough to eat. “Prefer piping-hot pizza or pie perfection? Bite into both with our limited-edition Pizza Pie.” The image of piping hot, super saucy, filling-packed pastry shell almost convinced me to drop everything and run to my nearest Coles Express.
Is It Really As Good As It Looks?
But since my closest mini-mart is about 20 minutes’ drive away, I decided to do some research before relinquishing my day’s worth of calories to a convenience pie.
Well, let me tell you, I’m glad I stopped for a moment. It wasn’t difficult to find early reviews of the Coles Express pizza pie and man, appearances can certainly be deceiving.
This combo pizza/pie consists of a cabanossi sausage and bacon tomatoey filling in a flaky pastry case (no pie top included).
There’s also a miniscule dash of melted cheese on top – so don’t expect an oozy cheesy pizza crust.
Those who tried the Coles Express Pizza Pie were bitterly disappointed.
The main complaint seemed to be that the pie is just too messy and saucy and you really need to eat in with a fork if you don’t want it to splodge everywhere. But really, no ‘real’ pie eater eats a pie with a fork!
“There is barely any meat in it and the pie retains thermonuclear levels of heat for half an hour after purchase. That and due to the depth/thickness of the pie the contents spill everywhere unless extreme care is taken when eating it,” said one distraught customer.
“Mmm salt and not much taste, just want I want for lunch,” said another non-fan.
“Absolutely terrible was like eating cheap paster sauce with clumpy cheap cheese,” yet another comment read.
And there was more:
“It was like eating pizza sauce in a plate with cheese floating on top! Not nice at all”
Bland, Boring & Messy!
The most hilarious detailed review was from Greg’s Kitchen. You seriously have to watch his video review below. It’s classic!
He shows us close-up shots of the Coles Express Pizza Pie and it really looks unappetising. We just have to be grateful that he took one for the team and stomached the pie instead of us…pshew!
His first impression was “not very exciting” and “quite bland” and after a few bites, he summed up the experience as:
“plain, boring and average”. He said it looks like “a can of soup that someone has dumped into a bit of pastry and then shoved in the oven to make the pastry even too hard to eat!”
He questions: “what kind of pie is runny, gooey and sloppy and falls all over the place?” A Coles Express Pizza Pie, of course.
Greg then went on to award the pie a 3.5 out of 10. Quite generous, me thinks!
Watch Greg’s full Coles Express Pizza Pie Review Below.
How Much Does It Cost?
The Coles Express Pizza Pie is priced at $4.50, which in my opinion is completely excessive for a convenience pie. You can grab top quality gourmet pies from the bakery so I think Coles has outpriced itself on this one!
OK, so after all that not-so-glowing feedback, I haven’t been brave enough to try the pizza pie for myself. Have you?
Have you tried the Coles Express Pizza Pie yet? Tell us what you thought in the comments below.