A stay-at-home mum has sparked an online debate after asking if it is reasonable to expect her husband to pay her a $5,000 monthly “salary”.

Posting her dilemma on Reddit the anonymous mum explained that she’d agreed to give up her job to stay at home to look after their one-year-old son.

The couple agreed that this made the most sense as she used to earn “about 1/8″ of her husband’s salary.

“My husband earns good money but he’s very frugal about nonessential spending because he wants to be financially independent (no job, earnings from investments) at an early age,” she wrote.

“Granted he was like this when I met him but I also had my own salary at the time to do what I wanted.”

“This means if I go out to get clothing, makeup, brunch, little treats etc, and the amount exceeds $217 (£118), I would need to call him beforehand and talk about what I’m buying,” she explained.

The woman says she finds it “extremely restrictive and quite frankly humiliating.”

“I’ve been talking to my sister who’s also a stay-at-home mum and she says her and her husband have an agreement where she’s ‘paid’ for childcare/homekeeping.

“Essentially she gets ‘paid’ a few thousand every month to spend on whatever she wants.”

She added: “Right now she says she gets around $5,000 a month, which they worked out is what it would cost to hire a nanny.

“Would I be the a***** to suggest a similar arrangement with my husband so I don’t need to go grovelling for money every time I want to buy myself something nonessential?”

Some users agreed that the woman was right to want to earn her own money.

“She’s sacrificing too: job prospects, independence, security, personal retirement, so he can have the life he wants,” one user wrote.

Another shared, “I think she’s asking for way too much money, but she should definitely have something.”

“None of us know what this couple can afford,” another commented. “But the idea that OP deserves some financial independence as a stay at home mother is entirely valid.”

A third poster agreed: “Taking care of children, cooking, home maintenance. It’s a lot of stuff, you don’t get paid for it true but you spend more time on it than most people spend at paying jobs.”

But others thought the woman was expecting too much.

“It’s crazy to get paid a nanny’s salary for caring for your own kid,” one user wrote.

“If she was working, that’s money they’d be paying to someone else – a lot of SAHM’s end up becoming SAHM’s because it’s more financially feasible to lose the mother’s income than to keep it and pay out a nanny.”

“I think more than anything, that’s too much to ask for,” agreed another. “You’re basically asking for a stay-at-home nanny’s entire salary as play money. That’s absurd unless you’re very wealthy.”

“Asking for a salary to stay home and raise the kids is ridiculous,” yet another user wrote. “You need to act like a grown up not an entitled housewife.”

“You and your husband are partners. His salary gives you the ability to stay home and raise your child.

“Sit down and have a realistic conversation about your budget. If you explain what you are looking for, then maybe it can be accomplished.”

I was like yeah that’s fair enough! Until I realised that is more than my husband earns a month with a full time manager’s position.

Do you think she is expecting a bit much?

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  • I think she has lost sight of the whole marriage arrangement

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  • they should both be able to spend what they like but consult the other before making any big purchases. If he is very money minded perhaps asking for a wage isn’t such a silly idea.

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  • I think she should be able to spend whatever her husband does on non-essential items. The money should be shared, not hoarded by either. If he’s a very tight person money-wise though, it would be tricky for her to get what she wanted if she’s more splurgey. 5k is ridiculous though, unless he spends that on himself in a month.

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  • $5000 is a pretty hefty price tag!

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  • I don’t know wat ther budget is (though if she thinks having to consult when she spends over $217 on non-essentials is embarrassing, I’d guess it’s generous). But generally my inclination would be yeah, some money she doesn’t have to account for – but not that much.

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  • I think this can harbour resentment. But she should be allowed to spend or have him offer to pay for things she needs as well

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  • I don’t agree with this at all, and if that’s what she was going to want, then it should have been discussed prior to them having children!

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  • Her husband may not even get that much salary. If the husband pays all the bills – mortgage, rates & taxes and maintenance including replacing expensive appliances; motor vehicles including their associated govt fees, maintenance and fuel, and food (I get the impression she may have “expensive choices) I doubt he would have much money left to be spent on luxuries anyway. She possibly has expensive taste in clothing too.

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  • I think she is asking too much money, Nannies have to pay for their travelling cost, rentals, electricity bills and by taking care of someone else kids. In this case this lady doesn’t have to pay any of the bills as her husband is taking care of all this, she is taking care of her own kids at her home. She deserve to have money for her personal expenses from her husband but not a salary.

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  • Some men truly just cannot grasp the mental load of motherhood, I couldn’t live like that with someone scrutinising my spending however i am the frugal one in the family so hubby has no need to, I say hell yes she should ask for a wage !

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  • If my husband would pay all that money to me, there wouldn’t be any money left. Ha. Ha.
    Strange indeed that one person needs that. It says a lot about their relationship.
    I have free access to my husband’s salary and my husband wouldn’t want it any other way.

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  • I think what they are doing already is fair enough? $216 is a pretty large amount for 1 income families. So I dunno, I think she’s asking too much for a salary lol we see the money my husband earns as both of ours. We just check with each other about large spending amounts first. And Centrelink payments are like paying me anyway, they are super generous!

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  • I think the amount might be much but should this had not been discussed prior to them having children?
    I know myself that my husband and I see income as both of ours not just his and hers. I’m a stay a home mum and he makes Enough for us to get by but he never says don’t spend or asking his permission to buy something. This is going to say that I usually only shop for groceries and essentials for the kids, but if I need new clothes or my hair looks scraggly he’s just tells me to spend what you want.


    • Same by us. I’m a stay at home mum and my husband has his own business. We see his income as our money, not his money and share what comes in and get by.

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  • Holy cow. $5000 a month! I’d love someone to pay me that for looking after my own kid!

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  • We receive about $1600 per 4wks for 2 special need foster children, so yeah $5000 is a lot. Btw the $1600 we receive doesn’t go to me, it goes to our children and cost of running a household.

    Reply

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