A few months ago, I posted a story online where my husband’s parents weren’t holding Miss 4’s hand when crossing the road. Grandmother said that she would talk to grandfather about it. In my story, I said that my husband wouldn’t allow me to confront them.

Months later, the situation is worse. My husband told me that he didn’t say not to confront his parents but HE wasn’t able to confront them as he hadn’t seen the behaviour. We viewed the behaviour 6 more times with both of us telling them off.

The last time, the grandfather started to cross the road with Miss 4 at night.They were half way across the road when he let go of Miss 4’s hand and went to fetch something. My husband yelled at grandfather in frustration and horror. Miss 4 cried for 20 minutes. The grandparents said that Miss 4 cried because of the yelling. Miss 4 said she cried because of being left in the dark in the middle of the road.

Grandfather stormed off after saying that he had checked the road for cars and knew Miss 4 would be safe. Grandmother followed. A week later, the grandmother told us that she would not look after the children except on Mondays, our preferred day. She told my husband off for yelling and asked if he had a psychological problem. She refused to elaborate or discuss – so no doubt that comment was designed to inflame.

A week later, the she begged my husband to speak to grandfather. They spoke. Grandfather denies hearing us tell him off. He said that he had checked the road and that Miss 4 was never in danger. He does not think that he has done anything wrong. And if we don’t trust him, and he won’t look after the children. He said that they can come to him when they are older. Of course he sees them when grandmother or we bring them over and the girls adore him.

There are two sides to every story. They are wonderful with the children, and generous and loving – all except this. This doesn’t make sense and is very sad.

Posted by deb_gs, 28th June 2015

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  • I know where it is coming from . My parents came with my younger brother for a visit when my son was 3 years old and decided to take him to a park next door . Half an hour later my brother ran back yelling , Dad is an idiot , my son was allowed to roam freely around the park and ran onto the road and thought he was safe ! . Thank goodness by brother was there . That is because in the old days roads used to be safe and they have grown accustom to it. My dad did listen ( even my mum was yelling at him ) so in your case , if your Dad refused to listen to your safety rules , just allow them to visit and don’t worry about letting them look after your kids. At the end of the day , you have to be happy . In the old days , opeing windows /door used to safe at night but no longer .


  • How very frustrating, especially if they are great with the kids except for this one thing. Road safety is VERY important, so important that they send special road safety buses around to the schools in SA and take each year 2 class to the road safety centre to teach them about road rules, how to ride bikes and skateboards safely, crossing the road etc. Unfortunately maybe you just need to advise that yes, you understand he feels that she was safe, in your eyes she was not, she obviously did not feel safe and you value road safety and teaching the kids about safely crossing the road etc. So you agree that maybe until they are older they should not look after them.


  • I agree that you have to keep your kids safe. Maybe it is best not to have him looking after them.


  • Sorry you are having to go through something like this.


  • oh that is a bit frustrating. how can he teach her the right thing to do if he doesn’t show her. If he is concerned about her learning then he should ask her to say when she thinks that it is ok to cross and do that if it is.


  • I read your first post about this. So sad to hear that it hasn’t improved, sadly it’s worse. Family is so important, so is safety. Is it possible to sit down calmly and discuss the situation from her daughters point of view … she loves them, but she needs to feel safe crossing the road, Grandpa may know that no cars are coming but miss 4 has not learnt this, she has learnt that she is safe when she holds a hand of an adult that she trusts…Pa!

    Good luck!


  • I remember your story very well.
    I would suggest that you both try and talk to them again. It’s a very hard situation. I would be furious if that was my child.
    I would try and explain that you love the way they look after the children, and perhaps say your daughter feels so much safer crossing the road when her hand is being held


  • I remember your story well, sorry to hear that it has escalated. All you can do is sit down and try and communicate about this issue again. Maybe do it over a cuppa or dinner when everyone is feeling relaxed and better able to talk about the issue. Good Luck!

    • You can also point out that she has not yet developed the maturity of an adult and needs their support and guidance. Point out…how would she cope with an emergency or dangerous situation?


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