I guess my story is really a chance for me to say what I can’t say at home. I can’t talk to my husband about this as it concerns him and I am not going to burden my two older children with it as they are only 15 and 14 and my best friend is struggling with her marriage so I have to keep this in, but I can’t any longer and I need to talk to someone. I know that I am not the only one who has gone through this so someone will understand. If it comes across as whinging and whining please let me know as that will mean that there is something I can do, and it isn’t all one sided.
So, my husband was sexually abused by a large pedophile gang for a long time over 40 years ago. They did wicked things to him, not just sexual things which has left him with devastating debilitating depression. He is suffering suicidal thoughts most days but thankfully hasn’t acted on them for at least 6 years, at least not to my knowledge. He is under a counsellor and a psychiatrist. His psychiatrist put him on an anti psychotic drug and that was mostly okay except his libido went to nothing. This is okay because this is about him not me. I can cope. After he tried to wean himself off that drug he started to dry reach every day so he went back on it as he was advised by the psychiatrist that they were withdrawal symptoms. He then followed a plan from his doctor to get off the drug. He took the last one 7 days ago and we found out today that it takes about 15 days to leave the body, so about 8 days to go.
While this was happening he started a new drug that had the effect of stopping him from urinating. He had only started that about 2 weeks before this happened so he was able to wean himself of those easily enough and he seems to be able to go to the toilet easily enough now thank goodness.
Life is hard here. I walk on egg shells not knowing how he will be. Most days he is happy and he plays with the kids, he is a great dad, like he was last night. Today he went to see his counsellor at the sexual assault centre, this is the place that helped him contact the royal commission on sexual assault so he was not in a good place when he got back.
I struggle with my own depression, from one known incident of sexual assault when I was 5, but nothing like his, so it is hard to get my head above water some days.
I just wanted to say that it is hard some days, I know there are some of you who understand. Thanks for letting me get it out.
Posted anonymously, 11th April 2014