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I guess my story is really a chance for me to say what I can’t say at home. I can’t talk to my husband about this as it concerns him and I am not going to burden my two older children with it as they are only 15 and 14 and my best friend is struggling with her marriage so I have to keep this in, but I can’t any longer and I need to talk to someone. I know that I am not the only one who has gone through this so someone will understand. If it comes across as whinging and whining please let me know as that will mean that there is something I can do, and it isn’t all one sided.

So, my husband was sexually abused by a large pedophile gang for a long time over 40 years ago. They did wicked things to him, not just sexual things which has left him with devastating debilitating depression. He is suffering suicidal thoughts most days but thankfully hasn’t acted on them for at least 6 years, at least not to my knowledge. He is under a counsellor and a psychiatrist. His psychiatrist put him on an anti psychotic drug and that was mostly okay except his libido went to nothing. This is okay because this is about him not me. I can cope. After he tried to wean himself off that drug he started to dry reach every day so he went back on it as he was advised by the psychiatrist that they were withdrawal symptoms. He then followed a plan from his doctor to get off the drug. He took the last one 7 days ago and we found out today that it takes about 15 days to leave the body, so about 8 days to go.

While this was happening he started a new drug that had the effect of stopping him from urinating. He had only started that about 2 weeks before this happened so he was able to wean himself of those easily enough and he seems to be able to go to the toilet easily enough now thank goodness.

Life is hard here. I walk on egg shells not knowing how he will be. Most days he is happy and he plays with the kids, he is a great dad, like he was last night. Today he went to see his counsellor at the sexual assault centre, this is the place that helped him contact the royal commission on sexual assault so he was not in a good place when he got back.

I struggle with my own depression, from one known incident of sexual assault when I was 5, but nothing like his, so it is hard to get my head above water some days.

I just wanted to say that it is hard some days, I know there are some of you who understand. Thanks for letting me get it out.


Posted anonymously, 11th April 2014


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  • i feel for the both of you and just wish this didn’t happen! There should be strict laws for the monsters out there – like never getting released ever!!! and i agree that you should have counselling to, it is too much for anyone to deal with

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  • You are a strong mum and don’t give up. All the best for your family.

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  • love and hugs to you sweetie,

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  • poor you. it may be a good idea to get some help for yourself too to help you get rid of the heavy burden you are carrying,

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  • I am so sad for you, and wish I could help. can your local GP help you? can you get counselling, as people who are the support person also need support.

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  • Oh you poor thing, it sounds like you’re really struggling. I wish there was more than words on a page that I could do, but know that there are people out there who feel for you, and if they could they would help you, even with just an ear to listen.

    Stay strong and know that things can and will get better. Sending you love and prayers.

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  • It is great that your husband is getting help. It sounds like you need to get some too – I know what you mean about some days being very hard.

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  • Your husband is very lucky to have you, you sound amazing!

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  • I’m sorry you are going through this. Its so sad that your poor husband has sufferd the way he has at the hands of those monsters.

    I’m wondering if the support group he goes to has an affiliated support group for partners. There must be one out there as so many people are suffering the way your husband and you are. It would do you wonders to have people in your predicament to talk to. I wish you and your husband well.


    • Have you tried this suggestion? I’m sending out a prayer for you.

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  • All the other mums have given great advice and I agree with the idea of you seeing someone as well. Also I feel you need someone that is positive, happy and fun to be with as a friend. Positive people raise us up so i do hope you have a friend or at least met someone that can be fun to be around with at times. You need to look after your-self as well as I feel you are putting all your energy into your hubby and children. I am sending love to you and even more strength, you are a very special lady and I pray all will be better soon. Seek out help in all areas when needed and remember there is always someone to turn to when some days are darker.
    Wishing happier times ahead. Love and Light cherz.

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  • I commend you for having the strength to reach out and talk about your story; Sometimes we just need someone to listen even if we don’t have the answers it can help by just talking about how we are feeling. I hope you find the support you need to help you through this.

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  • Its so good that you are using this space as a support and outlet. It sounds like you and your husband have had some horrific things happen and im so sorry for the both of you to have gone through that. You are not winging at all and its commendable that you recognize the burden discusing your feelings with your husband and older children may put on your relationships. I work with many children and adults who’s lives have been affected by sexual assult and I am constantly in awe of the strength and courage they show in working through so many complex feelings, anxieties and emotions. When you do feel ready some sort of family counselling / narrative therapy may be really successful. In saying that, keep up working on you and yourself. You are so important to your family and any progress, open communication and healing always starts from within. Love and light to you and yours xx

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  • Wow, what a strong lady you must be for supporting your husband (and thinking about him first) even though you are suffering yourself. I agree with the others and think a counsellor of psychologist would be a good idea for you. Sometimes it’s just about getting someone you trust to open up to.
    Please do NOT think you are whinging or whining as your feelings are real and to have the courage to get your words out there is a great start to trying to sort out your feelings/thoughts. There are plenty of supportive mums here for you!

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  • I am so sorry, that your family is going through this. I don’t have any words of wisdom but please know that people are thinking of you <3

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  • let me start by saying you are strong and don’t think your not and what your husband has and is going through is horrible but you might find it very helpful to you to speak to a psycholigist for your self for some one to talk to as it seems you have no one. They can not prescribe drugs but if they are good they will work with your doctor if they feel you need something to help cope. You may not feel it is working after a few visits but than one visit you will notice the difference and make sure it is one you click with and if you don’t click ask your doctor to send you to another one. I saw one for 4 years after our accident and I thought it was a waste of time but he got to know me well and if he noticed something was wrong he would ring my GP in front of me even when it was things like non stop vomiting cause by the accident. He was great and I am the type if I don’t click I don’t go back and he help me alot and listened to alot of my whinging and complaining which is what I needed

    Reply

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