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I have a friend. She is expecting her fifth baby and she was so excited…until she announced her pregnancy at 12 weeks. For the last month she has received some of the strangest comments from people, some of them well-meaning, some of them just rude. Comments such as “Are you mad?”…”Haven’t you worked out what causes that yet?”…”How can you afford it?” …and the more unsettling comments such as “but you already have kids with problems”, because two of her kids have chromosomal abnormalities, and so does this one.

My friend politely responded to these comments, but last week she reached her limit. And I can’t blame her. She and her husband are hard working, loving people who chose to have a big family…and it’s no one else’s business. That is one of the things that’s great about this country…we have choices and we can have kids if we want. Now, it may not be for everyone, but that’s for each couple to decide. But at the very least, let’s reserve judgement of others. Keep those comments to yourself, and just congratulate people on the good fortune they are experiencing.

Sometimes our comments hurt people, and we don’t even realise it. But if someone came into your home, looked around at your 2.4 children, and complained that your family was inadequately proportioned, there would be an uproar. Let’s all make an effort to think before we speak.


Posted anonymously, 21st July 2014


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  • That’s terrible. People can be so inconsiderate with what they say. I hope your friend is tough enough to rise above it

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  • I have a problem with not thinking before I open my mouth. I don’t think I’m rude though, which some of the comments made to your friend are. I may just have to think harder before speaking now, words can do a lot of damage

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  • every baby is a blessing, and what about that saying ” the more the merrier”

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  • AMEN to that ! Always think before you speak and ask yourself if it’s true, if it’s kind and if it’s necessary what you’re about to say !!

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  • To be fair, a couple of those comments are comments that have been around for years, very tongue in cheek, yes people can be rude and don’t think, if I copped comments like that and they bothered me, I would think up a good come back like: We’re trying to produce enough children to make our cricket team and just laugh it off. Life’s too short to be bothered about silly comments.

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  • yes sometimes people say things before they think I was told I was crazy having my 3rd child at 40 and also had hope you have a girl after already having 2 sons but another son I had and wouldn’t change it for the world. people should just mind there own business

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  • That is rude and whether some one has 1 or 10 kids that’s their choice. As long as they children are loved and looked after people need to just mind their own business.your poor friend. A baby is exciting now matter what

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  • Poor woman best of luck to her no everyone understands our choices in life but thats what they are our choices :)

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  • The comment of “but you already have kids with problems” is uncalled for & appalling. Good on her for biting back but she really didn’t need to be backed into that corner.

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  • It really does surprise me how horrible some people can be and i bet most of them are mums themselves.
    I have 4 children and a 10 year gap between the last 2 and i was told then are you crazy for going through it all again.
    Every person has a right to live as they want and have as many children as they want people dont have the right to put them down on the choices we make.
    Good luck to your friend hope all goes well with her pregnancy and she carries on telling people to mind their own business.

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  • I was shocked when I read this and seen how your friend has been treated by some so called friends but really it is nobodies place to say anything but congrats as I am dam sure I would not stand for someone to come into my home and tell me what I could and could not do and I am sure those who have said these things would not stand for it either but they think they have the right to come out with crap like that to someone it really annoys me so badly…..my daughter is pregnant from IVF and she has been going through it for 6 years and has 2 angel babies which she gave birth to and one child and one of her so called friends said to her how many funerals do you have to have before you stop …needless to say I do not know which so called friend felt they had the dam right to say this as far as I am concerned if you can be a good Mum and a loving Mum than no one and I mean no one has the right to try and dictate to any one what they should and should not do or how many children should be enough…sorry if I got off track a bit but it really did hit a soar point and I hope your friend know that their opinions and such do not and should not matter but I do understand her getting angry at some of what gets said.


    • I am so sorry to hear of the struggles your daughter has had, and the thoughtless comments she has received from her friend. Sometimes I think the hard times are there to show us who is meant to be in our lives, and who we can do without.

      I hope all is well for your family and you have better times soon.

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  • Wow!! Some people seriously need their heads screwed on especially the “but you already have kids with problems” just wow

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  • Good thought. If only everyone was as thoughtful then the world would be a better place. People should keep their nasty comments to themselves!

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  • Thats terrible she has been receiving comments like that. Good on her. Although I do think its a little crazy, I admire people who can enjoy a large family. I only say this as I have 3 kids and the daily struggles effect me more than others. I would never comment on anyone else’s decisions though. I hope she can rise above and enjoy what remains of her pregnancy. And as for some of them having “problems”. I cant personally see how this would stop you from having more. What a great women.

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  • Thinking before speaking is a very good ideal to live up to. Lots of hurt could be avoided this way.

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