“Mothers should make feeding decisions based on infants’ need for food, not lactivists’ wish to be admired.”

Dr. Amy Tuteur, obstetrician gynecologist shares how a post on Reddit perfectly captures the negativity about Fed Is Best (the Foundation and the philosophy).

The post is titled Sick of the negativity about breastfeeding by user jro10.

The writer shared:
“Mothers should make feeding decisions based on infants’ need for food, not lactivists’ wish to be admired.
This is a throwaway rant about how people who don’t breastfeed feel the need to constantly talk down about it, try to argue and minimize the health benefits …
I’m just sick of it. I worked HARD to EBF my 15 week old who wouldn’t latch. I pumped and tried a nipple shield in between. Met with LCs, had engorgement, nipple pain, etc…
I pushed through because BFing was something that was personally important to me…
I’m proud to say he’s been EBF for his entire life – a little over 15 weeks and I see no slowing down in sight. BFing is not for everyone and that’s totally fine but this is a personal achievement that mattered to me.”

“To understand just how obnoxious this is, consider a parent whining about other parents who send their children to community colleges”, says Dr Amy.

This is a throwaway rant about how people whose children don’t attend prestigious colleges feel the need to constantly talk down about it, try to argue and minimize the benefits.

I’m just sick of it. I worked HARD so my children could get the best educations possible and sacrificed spending on myself to save for college.

I pushed through because my children getting prestigious degrees was something that was personally important to me.

I’m proud to say all of my children attended highly ranked colleges. The Ivy League is not for everyone and that’s totally fine for those who think community college is acceptable but this is a personal achievement that mattered to me.

Why is that so unattractive?

It reduces something that is supposedly a gift to your children to a personal triumph.
It negates the possibility that an Ivy League education is not right for every child.
It demeans the accomplishment of graduating from community college.
It is poorly disguised self-aggrandizement

The reddit post continues:
“Every time I go on /beyondthebump there’s post after post about the misery of BFing and god forbid you defend it. Same thing in real life with my friends who FF.

I am 100% in the camp of fed is best, IDGAF how you feed your baby but could you imagine if we crapped all over FFing like they do to BFing? We’d be accused of being sanctimommies who think they’re better than everyone else.

In short – yes I BF my baby, no I don’t care or judge how you feed yours but please don’t tell me I’m wasting my time and energy and share illegitimate blog articles trying to downplay BFing benefits.”

That’s like:
I constantly meet friends who wail about being unable to afford high cost of prestigious college degrees for their children.

I am 100% in the camp of doing what you can afford and what you think your child needs; IDGAF where you send your child, but could you imagine if we all crapped over community colleges the way they disparage the Ivy League? We’d be accused of being sanctimommies who think they’re better than everyone else.

In short – yes I sent my children to prestigious colleges; no – I don’t care or judge settling for community colleges but please don’t share illegitimate blog articles trying to downplay the benefits of the Ivy League.

Ugly, right?

“The hypocrisy of claiming that you are not disparaging formula while simultaneously implying it is inferior is totally lost on the author. The insistence that she doesn’t care how other women feed their babies when she is completely obsessed with how other women feed their babies is bizarre. And the way she turns the choices of other women into a referendum on HER choices is incredibly self-absorbed.

“The author has what we might call in other circumstances a conflict of interest. She cannot look dispassionately at the risks of breastfeeding or the benefits of formula because her ego is involved. She wants to believe that her decision to breastfeed is heroic, even though it is basically irrelevant to the health and well being of her child. She needs other women to admire her for her heroism when they have as little interest in how she feeds her baby as in what car she drives.

“Women who choose to formula feed have different priorities than those who insist on breastfeeding despite the fact that their child is starving and they are suffering. The Fed Is Best Foundation created a meme that brilliantly lays out their priorities.

bf bottle image

Notice what’s not a priority at all:

“Protecting a mother’s desire to feel superior to other mothers.

“The negativity about Fed Is Best is clear evidence that breastfeeding advocates have failed to get their priorities straight. Infant feeding is not about them and their egos; it’s about babies and nourishment. Mothers should make their decisions based on infants’ need for food, not lactivists’ wish to be admired.

“Whether breastfeeding advocates believe it or deny it, fed is truly best”, concludes Dr Amy!

This post originally appeared on The Skeptical OB

One of the most popular posts on Mouths of Mums is from the Mum who shared her story after accidentally almost starving her baby. Read her story HERE.


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  • Just because you are able to produce plenty of breast milk doesn’t mean is has enough nourishment in it. I know of 2 Mums who had that problem. One was prior to the introduction of formula so baby had to go on cows’ milk. The other one I know personally. Her milk was tested and had practically no nourishment although she was eating a special nourishing balanced diet recommended to her as she had the problems with previous babies.


  • It should be whatever works – and others should keep their opinions to themselves.


  • It’s the mothers choice how she decides to feed her baby . Breast is a good start to life but if mum is having difficulty or not producing enough milk , bottle is going to keep baby nourished and mum stressed less .


  • People should not judge a mothers choice on whether she breast feeds or does formula!!


  • my two prems were EBF, EBFF, EBFFT then BF (fortifier and thickener) and after all the we still need formula/toddler milk and sustagen, however baby gets their food is fine as long as they get it


  • To each their own, best for individual baby but where’s the abbreviation for my baby’s personal experience:- bottle fed fortified pumped breast milk – bffpbm ????????


  • To each their own. Each bub and mum are unique and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another.


  • I don’t think one should push themselves too hard to achieve it, just do what you have to do and what is right for you.


  • Do what is suitable and comfortable for u


  • I believe just do what you feel is right


  • I can kind of understand where this mum is coming from. It was a personal triumph for me to breastfeed my baby because I overcame obstacle after obstacle to be able to do it. This Mum clearly understands that Formula is necessary in some, even many cases, she is passing no judgement on those who do differently to her, she clearly states that. Apparently whoever wrote this article can see her motivations!
    Let me give you a bit of a glimpse as to why this mother feels the way she does. Let’s say that getting your baby fed is like crossing the English Channel under your own steam. It’s a great achievement! Formula feeding is a bit like kayaking across – you did it! Fantastic, your baby is fed. Breastfeeding is like swimming across as an able bodied swimmer. Congratulations, you made it too! For this mum, being able to breastfeed is like swimming the English Channel with a physical disability. Awesome, you made it too, but boy did you have some challenges to overcome! This Mum is rightly proud of what she has been able to accomplish! And like a disabled athlete, she doesn’t have to look down on able bodied swimmers or kayakers to be proud of what she has accomplished. And dear me is it so bad that she expresses pride in this achievement to others?

    If she had overcome in any other area of her life we’d be cheering her on, but instead here we are pulling her down because she has dared to express excitement about what she was able to do! At the end of the day I want to see all babies fed. In the long run there IS a difference between babies who were breastfed, and those who were not. Sure the difference is minimal, but no-one can deny it is there.

    Let this Mum rejoice in her achievement, and I hope she, like a disabled athlete can inspire other mums who are finding it hard. For many of us breastfeeding is possible even despite difficulties, and for those who find it is not possible, well done mum, your baby is fed and you have done the best thing for your child.


  • There should be no competition for feeding – bottle or breast.


  • Its personal choice how your baby is fed. As long as the kid gets fed then no one should care. FF parents shouldn’t be hiding in toilet stalls because sanctimonious old bats feel the need to judge you out the front of target and boob nazis need to calm their farms and just accept that, as with everything else, the manner in which a baby is fed is a personal choice. It’s not about which one is “better” it’s about which one works for that family. As mothers we should be supporting each other but for the last 7 years I’ve been a mother, I’ve spent most of it being eviscerated but boob nazis because I ff my eldest too and combo fed my youngest. I will attempt to bf the one I’m baking because I enjoyed the small amount of time i was able to bf DD3 and once it’s done, I’ll be going back to formula. That works for us and all my kids are happy and healthy!


  • Whether you choose or are forced to breastfeed or give formula, we should trust and respect each other a little more to make the right decision.


  • I tried to breastfeed with absolutely no success, our Punks were just too little to latch on, it was so so painful and I couldn’t express properly either. I was devastated, made to feel guilty by the nurses (hospital and community) and in general an all round failure because I couldn’t make it work. People need support, not criticism!


  • More kindness is needed around this. I’ve never heard anyone say breastfeeding isn’t great for your baby so I’m not sure where this comes from but I do know breast is best was delivered to me loud and clear, we tried everything to get it to work, I spent extra nights in hospital to try and get a latch every feed, we worked with lactation consultants but never achieved a successful latch. It was extremely distressing not to be able to breastfeed and I was too frightened to formula feed in public so I was isolated and suffering. The support from fed is best advocates was the one saving grace for me so I know how essential this message is. If I could I would breastfeed but I can’t so if you can that’s fantastic but please don’t add any extra pressure to Mums who can’t.


  • I struggled with breastfeeding in the beginning (lip tied baby) but pushed through and eventually we got there because it was something that was important to me. It is something iam very proud of and one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but iam not going to judge another Mother’s choice to formula feed. Happy mum happy baby!


  • I think the message that breast is best has gotten through to most mums however there should be no shame if you can’t or won’t breast feed.

    • I completely agree. I was made to feel terrible with my first because I couldn’t be for long


  • I’m really tired of hearing about this. I worked hard to establish breast feeding because I personally thought that was best for my baby. I deserve credit for working to do the best for my baby. A mother who works hard to establish formula feeding because she believes it’s best for her baby deserves exactly the same credit. It’s not about wanting to feel superior. It’s wanting recognition fr one of the under acknowledged challenges of mothering.


  • I get where they are coming from. I struggled with breastfeeding so much initially but pushed through some hard days because it was important to me, so it is hard when it is diminished and spoken negatively about. I’m still breastfeeding my daughter at 10 months and it feels like a huge achievement.


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