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Two weeks ago, I had to bite the bullet and shop with ALL of the kids.

Why am I writing about it now you ask?  Because the trauma has only just left me. Yes, trauma. I’m going to paint a picture for you;

Imagine a lovely new house, you’ve just moved, that new home mania of keeping everything clean and spotless is still at the fore. The only thing missing is food. Sadly all of these kids actually want to and actually need to eat sometimes.

I had put it off as long as possible, it came to crunch time. Either I shop or the kids have no school snacks and I have no chocolate (I still can’t decide wich is the more drastic situation).

So I dressed the kids, made them oh so beautiful, brushed and plaited and pigtailed hair. Managed to find shoes for all of the children. I should have known by laws of physics, murphy’s and mummy’s that one action must equal a reaction.

Call me a bogan if you will, but it’s still cold and I needed my ugg boots – oh and it was raining too. But no, I couldn’t find them. I looked in every bag, box, wardrobe, under bed – everywhere.

I was under a time limit, there’s only so long that a nearly 2-year-old will stay clean.

So I decided to wear my work boots, A very expensive reputable brand. My jeans would cover them, since I’m almost short enough to be classified as a gnome, and every pair of jeans is always far too long.

So off I went to Aldi, raining, kids starting to get fractious. But I was determined! My local Aldi is on the second floor, you either climb stairs or a ramp to get in the shop. We started our ascent, and on the bend – it started to happen.

My foot faltered, I thought that I had stepped on something. If only that were the case. Nope, the whole rubber heel of my boot fell off.

Being the total card and all round hilarious chick that I am. I called the kids attention to it “Hey guys, look at this, my shoe just fell apart.”

We all had a giggle and I continued up the ramp with a noticable limp. No biggie, I can get away with that, people would just think that all those kids had left permanent war wounds. THAT part was funny.

We walk through the doors and yup, you guessed it, the other boot blew out. But not so cleanly or as funny as before.

Every step I took more and more of my boot disintegrated, leaving a trail of boot death behind me. Kind of like Hansel and Gretel but not; toxic waste rather than a snack for birds or toddlers (yeah another story there).

It wasn’t funny anymore. I froze and managed to say to the kids “Oh my God, I Am MORTIFIED” God bless my babies beautiful hearts. From the look on my face and the words I managed to get out, they knew this was a life and death matter.

They all went into capture and contain mode, six kids, no sorry five kids (Lani was on my back in the ergo). All scooting around on the floor picking up, scraping up if they could have I’m sure they would have sucked up if it would have stopped that face on Mum, the black detritus of death that was once my boots.

There was nothing for it, but to take off the boots and shove them in a bag. How lucky I was to have been wearing knee-high fluorescent yellow with black tiger-striped socks. They were so inconspicuous, I may not have been there at all – talk to me one day about camouflage, I totally will give you the low down.

Any parent that has to get even one child in and out of a car seat knows what a pain in the butt it can be. Getting four of them in and out is a nightmare, and since grocery shopping and I don’t go together – I would much rather volunteer to have nails pulled if someone would shop for me.

You guessed it, I decided to continue to shop, occasionally hearing the sniggers of people who had followed my trail pointing out more pieces of my shame.

I really don’t want to speak about the old lady who stabbed me in the head with her accusing eyes, and hacked at my soul with her tut tutting from the demons that gave her life.

The only saving grace of that shopping experience was stepping in a puddle and running over my little toe with the trolley in the parking lot.

The remnants.

boots

  • Oh no, if you didn’t like shopping before, you would surely detest it now!

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  • Oh no they literally exploded. I would have cried. It does make for an outrageous and hilarious story. Well done for finishing your shop! You should receive an award

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  • Oh no! At least you saw the funny side :)

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  • It’s great you can look back and laugh about now!

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  • this is so hilarious! i like your style of writing with humour. oh well at least it didn’t happen at work!

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  • My Mum was smart in that she always bought the kids treats when they weren’t with her. If they asked at the shops the answer was always “no”. My brother had asked us not buy the treats when they were with us or start giving them rides. If they asked for treats they were told they could have what we had home. THeir Grandpa was giving them rides every time he had them, then complaining about the cost. Also their parents couldn’t afford rides every time they went to a Shopping Centre. Affording essentials was more important,

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  • Oh, we’ve all had that sort of experience. With or without children. OR maybe that’s just me lol

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  • One Sat. morning I saw a Dad bring his crying boy out, put him his childseat, get in and just sit there. As I know them (but not well) and the Dad grinned I said hello and asked if his son was OK. Appparently he had thrown a huge tantrum in the shop, so his wife carried on with the shopping and he coped with the tantrum child. It also gave his wife some kid free time. He told her to take her time and look around the other shops for an hour or so if she would like to. It was a cold day and the car stayed cool. Had it started to warm up, he would have lifted him out into his stroller and taken him into a shaded spot. Sometimes he stays home shopping day and his wife goes out alone for the entire day to do as she wishes. It depends if they are buying something that they like to make the decision together.

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  • Very funnny – thanks for sharing! Wow, I find shopping with three kids a challenge, so you deserve a medal for even making it to the supermarket with 6!

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  • oh my… what a day.

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  • Omg I am laughing so hard at his and I understand exactly what you are talking about. I cheer for you that you stayed the course and did what you needed to do. You deserve a medal of courage firstly for taking kids shopping and secondly for being brave enough to continue on with all the horrible looks. I hope you purchased the largest block of chocolate that aldi stocks and enjoyed eating it all yourself. Thanks for sharing

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  • Oh no, these things tend to happen at the most inconvenient times…. I hate shopping with the kids, really hate it.

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  • just one of those days hay

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  • Thanks for an entertaining read. Hope you got some new boots! Thanks for sharing!

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  • How aweful for you, embarrassment, and it always happens when you are stuck with a bunch of kids, raining, the whole kit and kaboodle. I can’t help you with the food shopping as yet, but at any time you need to buy clothes for the kids, buy gifts etc, i advertise almost everything and anything for men, women and children. The website is http://www.allbargainsanddiscounts.com
    Hopefully I will be able to ease come of your future problems. xxx dee

    Reply

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