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Article To shop or not to shop

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Two weeks ago, I had to bite the bullet and shop with ALL of the kids.

Why am I writing about it now you ask?  Because the trauma has only just left me. Yes, trauma. I’m going to paint a picture for you;

Imagine a lovely new house, you’ve just moved, that new home mania of keeping everything clean and spotless is still at the fore. The only thing missing is food. Sadly all of these kids actually want to and actually need to eat sometimes.

I had put it off as long as possible, it came to crunch time. Either I shop or the kids have no school snacks and I have no chocolate (I still can’t decide wich is the more drastic situation).

So I dressed the kids, made them oh so beautiful, brushed and plaited and pigtailed hair. Managed to find shoes for all of the children. I should have known by laws of physics, murphy’s and mummy’s that one action must equal a reaction.

Call me a bogan if you will, but it’s still cold and I needed my ugg boots – oh and it was raining too. But no, I couldn’t find them. I looked in every bag, box, wardrobe, under bed – everywhere.

I was under a time limit, there’s only so long that a nearly 2-year-old will stay clean.

So I decided to wear my work boots, A very expensive reputable brand. My jeans would cover them, since I’m almost short enough to be classified as a gnome, and every pair of jeans is always far too long.

So off I went to Aldi, raining, kids starting to get fractious. But I was determined! My local Aldi is on the second floor, you either climb stairs or a ramp to get in the shop. We started our ascent, and on the bend – it started to happen.

My foot faltered, I thought that I had stepped on something. If only that were the case. Nope, the whole rubber heel of my boot fell off.

Being the total card and all round hilarious chick that I am. I called the kids attention to it “Hey guys, look at this, my shoe just fell apart.”

We all had a giggle and I continued up the ramp with a noticable limp. No biggie, I can get away with that, people would just think that all those kids had left permanent war wounds. THAT part was funny.

We walk through the doors and yup, you guessed it, the other boot blew out. But not so cleanly or as funny as before.

Every step I took more and more of my boot disintegrated, leaving a trail of boot death behind me. Kind of like Hansel and Gretel but not; toxic waste rather than a snack for birds or toddlers (yeah another story there).

It wasn’t funny anymore. I froze and managed to say to the kids “Oh my God, I Am MORTIFIED” God bless my babies beautiful hearts. From the look on my face and the words I managed to get out, they knew this was a life and death matter.

They all went into capture and contain mode, six kids, no sorry five kids (Lani was on my back in the ergo). All scooting around on the floor picking up, scraping up if they could have I’m sure they would have sucked up if it would have stopped that face on Mum, the black detritus of death that was once my boots.

There was nothing for it, but to take off the boots and shove them in a bag. How lucky I was to have been wearing knee-high fluorescent yellow with black tiger-striped socks. They were so inconspicuous, I may not have been there at all – talk to me one day about camouflage, I totally will give you the low down.

Any parent that has to get even one child in and out of a car seat knows what a pain in the butt it can be. Getting four of them in and out is a nightmare, and since grocery shopping and I don’t go together – I would much rather volunteer to have nails pulled if someone would shop for me.

You guessed it, I decided to continue to shop, occasionally hearing the sniggers of people who had followed my trail pointing out more pieces of my shame.

I really don’t want to speak about the old lady who stabbed me in the head with her accusing eyes, and hacked at my soul with her tut tutting from the demons that gave her life.

The only saving grace of that shopping experience was stepping in a puddle and running over my little toe with the trolley in the parking lot.

The remnants.

boots

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Comments

  • I love it !! Too funny and exactly the kind of thing I would do.

    Reply

  • That certainly does sound traumatic. I hope you’re recovering ok, but I’m glad you had camouflage haha

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  • Hilarious! What a fabulous writing style you have, a pleasure to read. Can’t wait to check out your blog.

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  • Chocolate makes every thing seem better. I had a laugh and we have all been there. I love that my shopping center is open until 10pm and sometimes later for groceries and there is a Kmart open 24 hours nearby. I loved leaving the kids at home and go shopping by myself. I could buy what I wanted without any hassels (cause they were all in bed)!

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  • Laughing with you! ha, ha!

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  • I know I shouldn’t laugh, but– you did such a great description of an unfortunate situation that I couldn’t help but have a giggle. Good on you to keep on shopping with your tiger stripe socks, enjoy your chocolate you deserve it.

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  • Shopping with kids is HARD, let alone with your shoes or clothes falling off. I remember going when mine were younger and having baby sick on me, and toddler grot on my rear end. Let alone the tantrums.

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  • What a darn shame Aldi did not have some cheap court shoes. Anyhow we all have those type of days sometimes, wishing you all well and happy times in your new home.

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  • Still laughing, not at you – with you lol!

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  • I confronted with this situation sometimes

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  • Haha you poor thing! I do online shopping these days & I only have 2! Couldn’t imagine handling more than that. Hope you got yourself a huge block of chocolate 🙂

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  • I just survived a full shop with all three of mine. I hate school holidays. The two eldest, 10 & 9, who should have known better were warned before we left the car, “do not ask for anything and you might get something”. Well that got us about 10 metres in the door. Arghhhh! By the time we got home three hours later I was well and truly over it. The toddler’s screaming fit at the checkout was the final straw. I got home and after we’d put everything away, gave them lunch, I put the toddler in bed and collapsed for an hour. Won’t be doing that again in a hurry.

    • I truly feel your pain, I either wait until the last minute and take them all or only take the babies whilst the others are at school. I’ve ne been a lover of shopping of any description. I’d say you could describe my shopping style in two ways ( depending on the audience). The PG version is that of the army S.A.S. ; get in, get the job done, and get home without fatalities. Or the other of a 16 year old boy; get in, get the job done, and get home without any fatalities.

      Adding kids/toddlers/babies to the mix, ups the chances of an incomplete, unsatisfactory mission. Ha!

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  • Very funny story! It reminded me of the time my shoes fell apart!

    • Oh you can’t leave us hanging like that! Ha! Share away.

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  • Funny story… mother of 10 …you are amazing. Love your story.

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  • Oh my, ten children Teresa, bless you!
    I can’t work out why you have work boots like that after reading ‘About the Author’ section. I think i would have either turned around to head home or gone barefoot.

    • I used to live on property, lots of situations requiring work boots. I should blog about the time I thought I was Steve Irwin and had to get a brown snake out of the chicken mansion ( the ex had style) We thought we were so tough, our undergarments disagreed.

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  • Oh gosh I know how u feel I’ve got 4 kids myself an it’s a full on taking them all to the shops..

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  • Ahahahahaaaaa I almost choked on my sandwich eating this! You certainly have a great writing style!

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  • Such a well written piece have to say made me laugh so hard as I picture you walking around the supermarket. Thank you for sharing and good luck finding a new pair of boots

    • Hahaha! No please laugh away. I can laugh now, I really do think I’m hilarious most of the time, at my own expense. Ahhh if you didn’t laugh you’d cry! Plus no one else would get a giggle too!

    Reply
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