Over twenty weeks pregnant – and my husband can’t bear to break the news to his parents. My pregnancy is unwanted by my children’s grandparents.
He doesn’t want to hurt them, and at the same time he does not want to be hurt by them, to have to deal with the repercussions. The scolding. The disappointment. The anger.
Considering they are overseas at the moment, shouldn’t it be easier for him to break the news over the phone as opposed to face to face?
It kills me. Deep down inside. Knowing that the first reaction of what is normally such joyous news, will be one of sheer disgrace from them.
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I wish I knew where their disappointment stemmed from. I could completely empathise if they were concerned about the burden it would be on them. If they were relied upon to babysit or do anything for their grandchildren, then, of course, they could voice that it’s too much responsibility for them to handle.
As it stands they’ve watched our children for two hours one evening whilst my husband and I rushed our baby to the hospital with breathing difficulties.
Two hours – out of ten years of being their grandparents.
My hubby re-enacts his parent’s responses each and every time I bring it up. I can’t help but laugh because picturing this grown man about to get absolutely lambasted by his parents, at our age, is really quite hilarious as much as it is heartbreaking.
He’s promised them that he would get a vasectomy more times than either of us care to remember. But at what age is a person allowed to grow their family without the approval of their parents? And do parents even have a say over their child’s reproductive organs? Aren’t there any boundaries whatsoever?
What’s going on exactly?
I know they are always fearful about the toll a pregnancy will have on their son physically. Somehow my husband always gains what I can only call ‘sympathy weight’ whenever we’re expecting. I don’t know how he does it, but he does.
He develops aches and pains and really suffers sometimes which I’m sure must be difficult for any parent to see – but what about the actual pregnant person? What about me? If it takes such a dramatic sympathetic toll on him, what about the person going through the real deal? Or perhaps that doesn’t matter because I’m not their child? Or maybe I just don’t complain the way that he does!
What Could I Do To Get Their Acceptance?
What if I signed an agreement that my hubby wouldn’t be expected in any way to exert himself with our children? Would that make for a more acceptable pregnancy? If I promised that he would still be there at their beck and call without myself or the children getting in the way?
It would actually be easier for my husband to tell his parents that I’m pregnant with another man’s child than to confess to the paternity himself.
We go through this each and every single time, then the day comes when his parents get to see the baby and fall in love with it.
And all is forgotten.
Does it have to be so stressful though? If the end result is going to be one of love? Do we have to be subjected to this disappointment in the lead up? Because honestly if I allowed myself to dwell on it too deeply it has the potential to crush my soul.
Or does it?
In reality we are embarking on a pregnancy that we want. We are about to have our lives enriched by the miracle of a little life joining our family. I don’t really think there is any force on Earth which could dull the excitement for anyone wanting to experience this blessing.
I’m sure their concern for their son comes from a place of love. I may never understand it and I hope I don’t ever make any of my children feel as though they can’t tell me that they’re expecting a baby… but maybe that’s the lesson in all of this?
Perhaps it’s acceptance? Learning to accept people’s reactions, their points of view even if you can’t quite see things from their perspective. So that one day if faced with similar circumstances, I will be able to provide the love and support that they so desperately craved as opposed to the judgment and loathing they were forced to endure.
A big part of me just wants to share the news proudly on my social media accounts without any regard for their feelings… but I know that will only exacerbate the problem… so I guess I’ll just wait it out in hiding for as long as we can.
Maybe if we just surprise them randomly with a new baby one day it would be less of a traumatic experience for them?
At the end of it all, if a child is fed, clothed and has a roof above their head, combined with an abundance of love – what more could any grandparent hope to have for their grandchildren, or even for their son? A new addition won’t necessarily take away from their time with him, as big of a fear as that may be for them.
Have you ever been in a situation where your pregnancy is unwanted by someone else? Do grandparents have a right to judge how many kids their own children want to have? Tell us in the comments below.