A post on Mumsnet asking for opinions on the topic of if men should have the option to opt-out of being a dad, has sparked a massive online debate.

The anonymous woman came up with the controversial idea, after a friend of hers fell pregnant to a man she had a casual sex relationship with. She says that the father immediately made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the baby however, now that the child has grown to be a toddler he is showing interest in building a relationship.

“My friend doesn’t trust him, doesn’t like him, and is deeply hurt over all the things she has had to go through alone because of his previous lack of involvement and support,” writes the anonymous woman.

“We started to discuss, what if there was the option for a man to “opt out” of parenthood? It would, of course, have to be done very early on – before the baby was 1 month old,” she goes on to explain.

“Her idea is that this could be done by signing a legal document stating that he has no desire to be a part of the child’s life in any way, will not ever be able to seek any type of access, and will not pay money.

“This move would have to be irreversible in order to be taken seriously.”

She then explains that there would be penalties for dads who didn’t sign the “opt-out” option and who don’t support the mother or child, and said she believes the UK would strongly benefit from such a move, before asking for the forums thoughts.

Her post received hundreds of comments debating the idea, with many claiming the woman was missing the point all together.

“It’s not about men’s rights Vs women’s rights. It’s about the right of a child, who has a right to be financially supported by both parents,” wrote one user.

“I think that the right of born children to be supported by the people who created them is more important that the right of men to ejaculate without consequence,” added another.

We have shared a similar story on this in the past after Catherine Deveny wrote, “Women have a choice if and when they become parents. Why should men not be given the same opportunity?” Read more here.

Share your comments below

Read more:

  • It is difficult when the child pines to meet her Dad or at least see what he looks like and the Dad refuses to have any contact or send a photo. He signed a statuary declaration declaring that he is the Father and has to pay child support. The child has the Mum’s surname on the birth certificate and passport. However the Dad had to sign passport application form for a holiday overseas paid for by a relative.


  • It’s not that simply because there is a child involved and they shouldn’t have their rights taken away.


  • This is a topic of conversation. I read the article and I found it very interesting.


  • This is such an interesting debate and one that I think needs to be judged on every individual situation. I totally understand if a casual sex or one-night stand leads to a pregnancy, that this can impact a person’s life forever, and that there is also an innocent child involved. It’s not black and white, and there is no easy answer.


  • once upon a time there was no expression ‘casual sex ‘ if you choose to do that and don’t use precautions prepare to accept the risks. It took 2 to make it happen and 2 people should be responsible. since when did we become so incredibly selfish?


  • A father figure is important, but let men take the full responsibility and be real fathers.When men want to opt out so be it, but then let them step back totally and not after ages not return for a tiny bit of fun and no responsibilities….not good for the child


  • It is a complicated issue with probably many legal loopholes.


  • If the father doesn’t want anything to do with the child from the day of birth and doesn’t pay any maintenance then he gives up his right to ever have anything to do with either the Mum or the Child. That is when he should sign an agreement. That also means that his name would not be on the birth certificate as the birth father.


  • Don’t do the deed unprotected if you are prepared to raise a child!


  • I chose to opt out the father because he never turned up to visit me before, during or after the birth, I waited about 8 months, so did not put him on the birth certificate,yes I missed out on money, but I was able to bring my son up the way I wanted without any drama’s, why would you want a drug addict in your life?


  • Maybe the male though or was told she was using contraceptives and wouldn’t have ‘tangoed’ had he known for sure she wasn’t.


  • Both parents conceived the child so both should be responsible for raising that child, or at least help pay for the raising of the child


  • It takes 2 to make a child, so both parents should be responsible it providing for them


  • my kid’s father has opted out but only on the responsibilities side of things, he still expects to have them when he feels like it (hasn’t seen them since september 2018, his choice but blames me) he still expects to be invited to everything they do (cracked the sads because my daughter didn’t invite in to her 16th birthday party with her friends, not a family event) and refuses to pay child support. He tells them he is coming to see them and doesn’t show up then blames me for it all, he really is a miserable person


  • It should be about the children


Post a comment
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Please enter your comment below
Would you like to include a photo?
No picture uploaded yet.
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.
Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

You May Like


Looks like this may be blocked by you browser or content filtering.

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating