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The mum-of-two said she can’t understand why her partner of almost ten years won’t commit and doesn’t want to marry her…

A frustrated mum has taken to Mumsnet asking if she is being unreasonable to be upset about her partner’s recent announcement that he doesn’t believe in marriage. The mum says that she always assumed they would marry, especially as they have been together for almost a decade and have two children together, so was devastated when her partner ruled it out.

Hurt Feelings

The mum says that she can’t help but feel hurt by the decision.

“I’ve never been a massive marriage advocate but I can’t help but feel really depressed and down about it,” she admitted. “It’s like he doesn’t want me or take our relationship seriously.”

The mum says that she feels rejected and is taking it personally despite her best efforts.

“There’s this feeling of rejection, like the man I love doesn’t love me enough to marry me,” she wrote.

“I communicated this with him and he…said that his not believing in marriage is not personal and that he felt a little offended because I seemed more bothered about marriage than just being with him.”

It sounds like this couple should have had an honest conversation ten years ago about their feelings towards marriage…

Making Assumptions

Comments on the mum’s post highlighted the danger of making assumptions.

“I am mildly astounded you’ve got ten years behind you and it’s only just come up!” wrote one disbelieving commenter.

“Unusual for his feelings to be a complete shock at this stage.”

“Well if it doesn’t mean anything to him then a quick trip to the registry office won’t be a huge problem since it means something to you,” another pointed out.

While we really sympathise with this mum and can completely understand why she feels rejected, we find it hard to believe that such a huge difference of opinion hasn’t been discovered much sooner! Here’s hoping the couple can work it out…

Have you and your partner had a difference of opinion when it comes to marriage? Share your story in the comments.

  • Hopefully he sees how much it means to her and changes his mind.
    I think marriage is a nice way of saying I want to commit even if it’s just a piece of paper to others.

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  • 100% with the author on this..

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  • Oh dear. I feel sorry for her. Feelings can be crushed and it has to affect the relationship.

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  • My difference of opinion happened after the marriage

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  • I have never been married and don’t have a particular burning desire to either. My partner and I have been together for 22 years and it is him that wants to get married. I respect his wish and for his benefit I am willing to marry him but my answer is always the same……. I say to him… ok if you organise it then I’ll show up… 22 years in, he still hasn’t organised anything!!!!

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  • I hope they can work it out. I understand her feelings of rejection.

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  • i am lucky in that we are on a similar page although there is always the “expectation gap” those things that come up during a marriage that you dont remember signing up for

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  • Thankfully we were on the same page.. situations!

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  • Yes, insofar as whether or not to continue with it.

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  • Nope, my partner and I have the same views on marriage. Neither of us is interested in it. I never have been, my partner was at the beginning, but has since seen the light

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  • May be his views regarding marriage has changed in the recent years. But it is sad to see why he isn’t committing to marriage because they already have two kids together so the possibility of ups and downs is much less which usually happens after kids are born.

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  • Difficult to understand how this hasn’t been discussed in ten years. I know of similar couples who have two or three children and have been together for 10 years or more. A couple of them decided to get married and within a year they were in dire straits with their marriages on the rocks. It seems as soon as the commitment happened their actual commitment to each other caved in. I’d say if you have gone 10 years why change anything.

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  • No we’re on the same page regarding to marriage

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  • being on the same page is very important

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  • I think this is something he should have been up front with from the beginning.

    Reply

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