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I myself have been divorced for four years and at the time that we went through the divorce and separation there were a lot of emotions flying around and it was a difficult time.

So if you are in this situation I can appreciate the emotional rollercoaster that you’re going through at the moment.

However, the good thing that my ex-spouse and I did, we always put our children first when making any decision when it comes to the future.

We followed these seven steps to ensure our children would make it through this difficult time with the least amount of psychological damage as possible and also the transition from a marital relationship to a parental one as smoothly as possible:

1) Partners of purpose

You cannot change who the mother or father of your children are and whether you like it or not, you are going to be involved in this partnership for life.

The purpose of your partnership is to be the best possible mother or father for your children and offer them all the love, support and guidance they need.

2) Accept and appreciate

Although this may be difficult at times, the quicker you can accept your current situation, the faster you will be able to move forward with your life as a mother or father to your children.

Appreciating your ex-spouse for what they do for your children will also encourage them to do more for your children.



3) Respect for your relationship

Always be respectful towards your ex, especially when your children are present.

Instead of getting into a slanging match about who is right or wrong, resorting to name calling, or other verbal insults, be respectful in your communication. You now have a new relationship with your ex; a parental relationship and your children’s future wellbeing should be the main topic of your conversation, particularly if there is still some lingering resentment.

4) Expecting to enhance

Something that can cause a lot of angst in the relationship will be having different expectations. This is where it can be difficult, because what you expect of someone else can be completely different of what they expect and vice versa. Setting those clear expectations straight up can have long lasting benefits. Together with these expectations it is also important to enhance your ability as a mother or father.

So always be looking to upskill yourself. That could be reading books, reading magazines, viewing webinars, reading blogs online or whatever it is.

5) Nurturing your network

Your children want you there to love them, support them, guide them and provide them with a safe and loving environment as well.

The nurturing that you do with your children could be as simple as going out and spending some time in nature or at their favourite playground. As you go through this period that’s quite a difficult phase in life, use your network as well.

Use your network of family and friends to support you. Use that network to lean on, to talk about any problems that you might have, any feeling or emotions you’re feeling but make sure you never do that in front of the children.

6) Trust in the transition

You need to work hard to rebuild the trust that you have with your children and also with your ex-spouse.

This can be more difficult than it actually seems because depending on how your relationship with your ex-spouse is and depending on what the circumstances were surrounding your split with them, building this trust could be quite a difficult thing to do and it’s going to take time.

You will get through this transition and in time it will become easier. The more you work at it, the more adaptability you offer, the greater your flexibility, the more that you can compromise, the easier and quicker this transition will be.

7) Simplify for success

Don’t get too caught up in the emotions and don’t listen to what other people have to tell you. Even if their advice to you may seem like a good idea only you can know what’s best for yourself, your children and your ex-spouse. With all these factors in place and by making your children your top priority I’m sure you will see success.

It may be a lot harder than you think but I can guarantee you the results are well and truly worth it.

When you have a fantastic relationship with your ex-spouse and also with your children, it makes life so much easier.

What things did you found worked for you and your partner when you went through a divorce? Please SHARE below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • Great advice, thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  • It’s so hard when a couple separates, especially when children are involved. I have just recently had close friend separate. They have 3 children, twins 13 yo and 11 yo. It was the kids who suggested to mum and dad they separate, even the kids could see they weren’t happy. It’s only gotten worse since the split. I feel for the kids

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  • Good tips,and really interesting too!

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  • yes sooo tough on families esp’ the kids

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  • it must be hard for the parents and the kids after getting divorced

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  • Good tips, always look for win/win situation and put kids on top of the list.

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  • just love them and support them and never knock the other parent to the kids and they will be fine


    • I agree with you completely. It hasn’t happened to me but I have witnessed it too many times.
      One Mum I know pulls the stunt that she has never got any money if the kids ask for anything no matter how small it is. Previosuly she had control of the housekeeping and was supposed to make the mortgage payment and for things as she bought them. He suddenly got a phone call that the mortgage was behind, she had bankcards that he knew nothing of as she hid the statements, an outstanding chemist account he knew nothing about. I don’t think he ever found out how she spent all the money, apart from smoking a lot more than he was aware of while he was at work. She certainly didn’t spend it on clothes for the kids. Most of their clothes had been given as presents by relatives and friends who did sewing and knitting, including school coloured cardigans. He paid them off and in fact she was receiving more money than he was clearing after paying debts off before he ate and ran a car to get himself to work. He had to be at work in the morning before public transport started + it was over 1/2 drive up hill. Certainly could walk that far with an injured knee. If he was having them for the weekend sometimes the kids would wait a couple of days for medication so that he had to pay for it, and she had a health care card she was entitled to use and get it cheaper. We know from the kids said to their Grandma when he took them to visit that she did nothing but bad mouth him. A child under 2 isn’t likely to make up some of the things said. She destroyed the relationship he tried very hard to maintain with his children. By the time they started high school she was leaving them with him extra times at her convenience- so she could date the guy she was seeing more than the kids knew. He suddenly found out why she was ringing his Mother to find out what time he had left to pick the kids up. He took them home early one day and found her and her boyfriend at it. The next time he picked them up he came home via a different street their end. The guy was standing around the corner waiting for him to leave. Sprung!!!

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  • Never complain about your ex in front of the children.

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  • Great advice, thank you. As always it is easier said than done, but having tips guiding you to look at things from a different perspective and trying to remain objective outside of the hurt when it comes to our precious babies and children definitely helps.

    Reply

  • I have never been in this position – but your tips are good for anyone going through divorce.

    Reply

  • Lke it

    Reply

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