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It’s true that divorce can prove to be hard on the children. However, it is possible for the both of you to make it work for the children.

The fact that you are getting separated with your ex or divorced does not mean that you can shirk your responsibilities as a parent.

This is where family lawyers come in, they can help you develop guidelines as to how to handle matters regarding your children amicably.

As difficult as it is, you have to put all the anger and hurt that you feel towards your ex aside and find a way to co-parent with them for the sake of the children.

In such a situation, the children should be a priority in order for them to have some stability while growing up.

Why co-parenting is the way to go

By deciding to partner with your ex in parenting, the children are able to realise that they are the priority and therefore, this can eliminate any feelings of guilt they may be having about the separation or the divorce. It gives a semblance of peace and hope that all is not lost for all of you as a family.

Children who are in a home where the parents have decided to co-parent:

1) Feel secure

Where the children feel confident that their parents still love them regardless of the divorce, they end up retaining their self-esteem.

It also makes it easier for them to accept the situation as it is and adjust appropriately.



2) Experience consistency

Parents who decide to co-parent enforce the same rules and similar expectations of their children.

Therefore, the children know what is needed from them as well as what to anticipate.

3) Have a better grasp on problem solving

Children who grow up in an environment where they see their parents working together regardless of their differences are able to learn how to deal with conflicts peacefully as well as effectively.

When you and your partner are able to work together for the good of the children, they are able to learn from the example you have set and are able to deal amicably with others.

Learn how to keep your feelings and behaviour separate

Perhaps the most difficult thing about co-parenting is keeping the feelings you have for your ex from influencing how you behave around them when your children are around.

The only way to achieve this is to always remember that your children’s needs always come first.

It is easier said than done but it is a battle that you have to struggle with for the welfare and stability of your children.

There are conscious actions that you can take to help you keep your cool around your children to ensure that they get the best. For instance, make sure that your children never hear about the negative emotions that you are experiencing. You can take up therapist sessions, exercise or even your friends to help you let off steam and vent until you have gotten all the negative emotions out.

Any time you feel as though you are about to snap, take a step back and remind yourself that you need to keep it together for the sake of the children.

You can adopt habits to help calm you down whenever you feel overwhelmed. For instance, you can take deep breaths to calm yourself or even closing your eyes for a few effects can get you relaxed and calm.

These tips will definately make your co-parenting duty easy and fun too.

Do you co-parent? Can you share any tips with us on how to make it easier?

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • I see so many couples separate and use the children as weapons in their fight. Some are so bitter and angry, they can’t see how much they’re damaging their kids

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  • If only all parents followed this simple and obvious advice

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  • My ex and I have come to an agreement that suits us both & the children. Due to him working during the week, he has the kids every weekend. I get to spend the whole week with them :)

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  • My husband has kids from a previous Relationship but they hardly co parent!

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  • No but I have seen some very good co parenting typically when there is not much animosity between the seperated parents and they have agreed goals

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  • This is really great advice thanks for sharing

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  • going through this at the moment – all the advice in the world is needed so that I can make the right choices

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  • great to read all these here

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  • Many times the relationship ends because kids take top priority in mums lives, the husband takes this a no love for him, mutual understanding before break ups happen help alot.

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  • I wonder sometimes about the people who write these articles and who preach to others about keeping the child in mind. Of course we do, maybe that’s why we left the relationship in the first place and for the sake of the child do our utmost to keep them happy and safe. You can’t co-parent with an abusive or drug-fuelled ex. They don’t see sense.

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  • it s great

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  • good to read

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  • I co parent with my ex.. We have made it work and have been doing it for 6 years.. It works because we decided at the end of the marriage that all our issues were berried with the marriage and we would move on for the kids. We are now good friends.

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  • This doesn’t apply to me.

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  • I am lucky to have the love and support of my husband to raise our 4 children. However the kids have close friends that are in split homes. When they stay over here, I sometimes feel I’m walking on egg shells trying to work out which parent to call if something goes wrong, which activities they’ll approve of their kids doing, or which parent or friend of a parent will be dropping them off/picking them up. For one family, this may help. I feel I can pass this on for them to read. Thank you.

    Reply

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