It’s true that divorce can prove to be hard on the children. However, it is possible for the both of you to make it work for the children.
The fact that you are getting separated with your ex or divorced does not mean that you can shirk your responsibilities as a parent.
This is where family lawyers come in, they can help you develop guidelines as to how to handle matters regarding your children amicably.
As difficult as it is, you have to put all the anger and hurt that you feel towards your ex aside and find a way to co-parent with them for the sake of the children.
In such a situation, the children should be a priority in order for them to have some stability while growing up.
Why co-parenting is the way to go
By deciding to partner with your ex in parenting, the children are able to realise that they are the priority and therefore, this can eliminate any feelings of guilt they may be having about the separation or the divorce. It gives a semblance of peace and hope that all is not lost for all of you as a family.
Children who are in a home where the parents have decided to co-parent:
1) Feel secure
Where the children feel confident that their parents still love them regardless of the divorce, they end up retaining their self-esteem.
It also makes it easier for them to accept the situation as it is and adjust appropriately.
2) Experience consistency
Parents who decide to co-parent enforce the same rules and similar expectations of their children.
Therefore, the children know what is needed from them as well as what to anticipate.
3) Have a better grasp on problem solving
Children who grow up in an environment where they see their parents working together regardless of their differences are able to learn how to deal with conflicts peacefully as well as effectively.
When you and your partner are able to work together for the good of the children, they are able to learn from the example you have set and are able to deal amicably with others.
Learn how to keep your feelings and behaviour separate
Perhaps the most difficult thing about co-parenting is keeping the feelings you have for your ex from influencing how you behave around them when your children are around.
The only way to achieve this is to always remember that your children’s needs always come first.
It is easier said than done but it is a battle that you have to struggle with for the welfare and stability of your children.
There are conscious actions that you can take to help you keep your cool around your children to ensure that they get the best. For instance, make sure that your children never hear about the negative emotions that you are experiencing. You can take up therapist sessions, exercise or even your friends to help you let off steam and vent until you have gotten all the negative emotions out.
Any time you feel as though you are about to snap, take a step back and remind yourself that you need to keep it together for the sake of the children.
You can adopt habits to help calm you down whenever you feel overwhelmed. For instance, you can take deep breaths to calm yourself or even closing your eyes for a few effects can get you relaxed and calm.
These tips will definately make your co-parenting duty easy and fun too.
Do you co-parent? Can you share any tips with us on how to make it easier?