After moving in with her fiancé, who has two children, this woman is trying to navigate the minefield of becoming a stepparent. And now she’s felt the wrath of the children’s mother, she’s not sure how to handle the situation.
The woman, who doesn’t have any children of her own, says she moved in with her 28 year-old fiancé earlier this year. He shares joint custody of his two children ‘S’ a four-year-old girl and ‘D’ and three-year-old boy, with their mum.
“I have met her and the kids before in person, she came off as a decent person and we never had any issues,” the woman explained.
“Not an exact measure of time but 2/3 months ago, S would randomly call me ‘mum’ or most commonly, ‘mumma’ like before going to bed as we tuck them in and say our good nights. It was an odd adjustment, but I know they’re little and I mostly brushed it off with a, ‘okay goodnight hunny’. D would only call me ‘mum’ if S did (he’s three, so imitating).
“Well, about a month ago while S was with his dad and I, she asked me if it was okay for her to call me mum. Up until this point really, both kids called me by my legal name and only knew me as daddy’s ‘special friend’ since we aren’t officially married yet.
“It was quite a surprise for me (a sweet one, I should say). Dad and I both explained to them that if they want to call me ‘mum’, ‘mumma’, etc, it was okay as long as they wanted to.”
“S has on her own made it clear (to us, at least) that she has two mums, and one dad (her bio mum’s boyfriend doesn’t want to be involved with the kids). Both kids understand they came from their mum’s belly, and not mine.
“Dad I went to drop kids off to mum as usual, no issues. I stay in the car, and she leaves with the kids. Nothing crazy.”
But it wasn’t long before the couple received a phone call from the children’s mother.
“As my fiancé and I were driving home, mum calls and I told him to answer but let her know she’s on speaker with both of us. So he answers, lets her know I can hear the convo.
“She starts off aggressively stating “I don’t know who’s telling these kids that [me] is their mum, but you need to know you will never be their mum, etc etc”. I told her that the kids chose to call me mum, and we explained to them that I’m not their real mum, just an extra mum. She still did not like that, and went on about how it hurts her feelings that the kids are saying she isn’t their mum anymore and all this nonsense.
“I got firm quickly and explained that I understand why it would hurt her feelings, but I don’t believe what she’s saying because of what I have heard the kids themselves say. I allow the kids to call me mum because they see me as a maternal figure, and it’s about how they feel, not your (her) insecurities.
“She then went on to not only scream at him and I on the phone, but in her car in front of the kids, “YOU BOTH ARE PIECES OF F-ING SHIT AND THESE KIDS ARE MINE NOT YOURS, I HOPE YOU BOTH F-ING GO TO HELL” and honestly I can’t make out much more of what she said as most of it was unintelligible.
“After the kids weekend with her, they came back and were sad because their bio mum said I’m not allowed to be their mum. I asked them “do you want me to be your other mum?”. They both said yes. So I told them that if THEY want me to be another mum to them, I can be.
“My heart breaks because these kids really seem to love me and I do love them. Am I the a**hole?”
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