OK, hands up, how many times have you said, “I’m just not in the mood” but really meant something else?

I’m betting it’s one of the reasons below. If you want a healthy relationship it really is worth fessing up about the real reason you are not going to have sex tonight (unless it is number 12, in which case perhaps a note might be better!).

1. “I am not in the mood.”

Sometimes this is actually a valid reason. Sometimes we are simply not in the mood.

2. “I have a headache.”

Once again, perhaps you really do have a headache, and a pounding head does not exactly put you in the mood for rolling around in the sack. Apparently us women do suffer from more headaches than men.

3. “I’m too tired.”

Oh I hear you. It’s 10.30pm and you’ve just crawled into bed.

You’ve been looking forward to reading a few pages of that book that has sat beside your bed for days.

You’re not sure if you can even stay awake to read a paragraph and you get the shoulder tap…maybe we should call this “It’s me time”.

4. “I’m angry with you.”

Nothing ruins the mood more than resentment, especially if it is bottled up.

For example, him flirting with the waitress or not helping out around the house like he said he would and instead watching – or playing – games can ruin your libido.

5. “I have too much on my mind.”

Being overwhelmed with things to do or otherwise filled with stress is also the antithesis of feeling sexy.

Perhaps you just spent the entire day working, having the kids all over you, cleaning, cooking and helping a friend through a crisis; afterwards, you are likely emotionally and physically spent.

6. “Why would you want to have sex with me?”

Having little self-confidence does nothing for your sex drive either. This may be the case if you feel like you are still carrying your postpartum weight (even several years after the last child) or you simply do not have confidence that you are an enjoyable or interesting partner, sexually or otherwise.

7. “I just don’t enjoy sex.”

I’m betting some of you just do not enjoy sex and do it solely out of a sense of duty or obligation.

This mindset does not exactly provide you with a desire to do it more than is absolutely necessary. Problem? I’d say you’ve never had an orgasm. Get yourself a vibrator, experience an orgasm and then go back to your partner and tell him what you want. Most guys will jump at the chance to give you an orgasm if it means more sex for them.

8. “Sex with you is boring.”

Perhaps you have been together a long time, and sex has turned into a routine, same type and amount of foreplay, same positions and the same ending. Sex may also become boring if it is not done how you like it done, and you do not feel like explaining or have already attempted to do so with little success. See above, get a vibrator or try some role play. You’ve got to say or do SOMETHING!

9. “Being with you is boring.”

Okay, this may mean that it is time to end the relationship. As it pertains to sex, if you find that time spent with the other person is boring, you are likely not going to be interested in having sex with him either.

10. “You don’t love me.”

For many women, not feeling loved is a complete turn off in the bedroom. Bring it up, let him tell you how he feels, rather you assuming how he feels (even though we are pretty good at ESP!).

11. “It’s that time of the month.”

Like you couldn’t tell from my raging hormones. Did you notice I cried because I ate the last piece of chocolate? It’s not me; it’s the hormones baby.

12. “I’ve been having sex with somebody else.”

Most women will not blurt this out, but it is true in more cases than some men may want to believe. It may be especially awkward if he is initiating sex just a few hours after you already had some with somebody else. Solution? Obviously you need to make a choice.

13. “This is a bit sudden, don’t you think?”

Your man wanting sex RIGHT NOW is not usually a turn-on unless the thought has been circling in your head for a while as well.

If your mind has been elsewhere all day, you are not likely going to be excited if he comes home and immediately wants to ravish you.

On the other hand, if you have been exchanging sexy messages all day and building up to it, that’s another story altogether.

14. “You smell bad” or “I smell bad.”

You’d be surprised how often this comes up! Having poor body odour or bad breath is not going to make you feel sexy or cause your man to get your hormones going. Fortunately, this is also easily fixable. Hop in the shower together and get clean – and dirty again.

15. “You’re drunk.”

Usually, the only way a drunk guy can be a turn on is if you’re drunk too. Otherwise, he is likely just not going to do it for you while in that state.

Have you ever really meant one of these reasons, but went for the standard “I’m just not in the mood”.

Tell us below if your real reason is something else. And are you going to speak the truth from now on?

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  • I always speak the truth, and if you simply don’t feel good about yourself it can be very hard to get in the mood.


  • I always speak the truth, so does hubby, no need for excuses. PS headaches are actually relieved by sex, so cross that one off


  • there can be plenty of reasons for this situation speciall if you have a migrane


  • God I love being single, I don’t miss this.


  • this was a fun post to read and intresting


  • i tell him if he smells or i often have to say that just because he’s feeling horny its gonna take a lot more than him just telling me that, like getting off his bloody phone and actually seeing me and talking to me. i’m quit good at saying what i feel, unfortunately for him that truth can hurt but i wont lie and pretend i have a headache when really im just peeved at being ignored more often than not.


  • Haha I love this article. Very interesting too :)


  • All of these are so true but it is so much easier to just say that your not in the mood. The rest generally turn into a full on discussion,


  • Menopause is another great sex killer, going through it at the moment.


  • gee what an extensive list to call on when you “just dont want to” -


  • Mm mm some thing to think about.


  • I used to enjoy it very much.., it’s almost like I’ve grown out of it! I’m too old is my excuse now.


  • A great article that I can TOTALLY relate to.


  • I can absolutely relate with the first 4 comments. Especially him not helping around the house. I can can the amount of times he’s filled/emptied the dishwasher in the last 12 months on both of my hands.


  • I hope that most people don’t use these direct comments as a refusal – I would be shattered if any of these were directed at me – even if they were true. The term ‘bedside manner’ really comes into play here.


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