A mum has asked if she is being unreasonable to refuse to contribute to her friend’s honeymoon fund as part of their wedding gift.

Posting on Mumsnet, a mum has asked if she is being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable contributing to her friend’s honeymoon fund.

The mum says that she would normally choose to buy an alternative gift, but because these are some of her closest friends, there is more pressure to make a contribution even though she believes a honeymoon is a luxury that should be self-funded.

An Awkward Situation

Being such close friends with the bride has made the whole situation more awkward as the mum says she knows their financial position and doesn’t believe they are deserving of help to fund their trip.

“They both earn good money but spend way beyond their means,” she wrote in her post. “She tells me so and will quite happily admit to maxing several credit cards to pay for 1000 pounds plus on gifts, holidays abroad, expensive trips, etc.”

The mum’s post went on to say that she wouldn’t usually contribute to a honeymoon fund when given the option, but is struggling to think of another gift idea.

“I don’t want to fund their honeymoon when they could budget for that themselves,” she said. “They are going away to Europe a week or so after the wedding as part of an elaborate birthday gift but they don’t want that to be the honeymoon as it is not enough apparently.”

No Difference

Comments on the mum’s post said that refusing to contribute to the couple’s preferred gift option was just making things harder than they need to be.

“I think this is a bit judgy,” one comment said. “If you want to get them a present, get them what they want instead of trying to insert your own moral principles into the situation.”

“I don’t get this hate towards having money instead of a physical gift,” another said. “Just put the money you would spend on something they will probably never use into an envelope.”

We have to admit that this mum seems to be putting herself under stress when she really doesn’t need to. While honeymoon funds can feel like just asking for cash, at least you know that your contribution will be put to good use instead of sitting unopened in a box somewhere.

Do you think honeymoon funds are a good idea or a step too far? Let us know in the comments.

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  • I always go with what the couple wants but I never feel guilted into giving more than I can afford and no more than I would have spent on a gift. I would rather put money toward something that they want rather than giving them something they will not use.


  • I would be happy to pay towards the honeymoon fund. Many couples already have their homes sorted these days. Give them what they want I think.


  • If you can afford it then it’s perfect as it is want they want!


  • Yes I think it’s fine. Spare a thought for single people who get nothing. I find the biggest tightarses are the married people who have everything; each other, children and a home etc, but when it was their turn to get married had high wants/expectations themselves. Now, they balk, but it was fine when they got married!


  • I much prefer giving money over gifts.
    I would much prefer they spend the money on what they want than giving something that could end up unused sitting in a garage


  • As a lot of couples have set up house before getting married, it makes sense to request money for other things. I saw one couple request dog food and pet supplies in lieu of wedding gifts. They donated it all to local dog shelters. I thought that was a wonderful idea


  • You cam always suggest it as your “wish” but dont expect everyone to follow it.


  • I think it’s a bit rich of them.
    But I also personally hate birthdays/weddings etc that request cash gifts only.


  • Money is an easy option. The only thing I hate is that the couple know how much you give…some can’t afford as much as others.


  • Gifting money seems to be the norm these days. Couples don’t tend to need the old school wedding gifts of household items because they have usually already been living together for a while so they have all of that materialistic stuff.
    Why make life harder for yourself, just give them the cash you would have spent on a gift. At least you know it will be used and not shoved in a cupboard only to be sold at a garage sale in 10 years time


  • i always prefer money over gifts. it’s simpler for both the parties. easy to choose and easy to use.


  • I think if your spending money on a gift anyway it makes no difference you may as well contribute to the fund however it does leave the issue of they see how much you spend which adds pressure


  • I don’t think it’s too much to ask for. We did 15 years ago as a suggestion because we really didn’t need anything else. We still got a few gifts as well, which we didn’t turn our nose up at because it’s the thought that counts. We still have most the gifts and use them (kitchenware).


  • What ever amount you were going to spend on a gift …just put that amount in a card. Easy done.

    • Also saves the hassle of thinking what to get, the money spent on petrol when running around to purchase a gift and the time taken.


  • If they spend the same amount whether towards a honeymoon or on a gift, I don’t think it should matter.


  • If they could afford it themselves then i think it is abit cheeky of them to ask for that, however maybe they have been together for a long time and don’t need the traditional wedding gifts


  • I don’t like giving money for Honeymoons/weddings. But it gives them something they want and I guess in this day and age its all about living with minimal belongings.
    We still have things in the attic from our wedding 6 years ago that we don’t use.


  • I really hate giving cash at weddings, birthdays or engagements and usually try to find something that the couple might treasure as a loving gift from us after asking if there is something they would particularly want. So far we have always managed to find something – as for destination weddings – that is becoming a bit much these days. So much easier and nicer to elope and tell everyone once you come back with some magic photos.


  • I know a couple who had lived independently for awhile and already most of what the needed. In fact some of the things they already had two of. Some people had asked them what they would like for a wedding present and said they didn’t want to give them what they already had.
    On the invitations they stated that if they wanted to give a gift one suggestion was travel vouchers.


  • Look at it this way, I would rather give money which will be used, rather than some towels, or home wares that might not get used at all or sold cheaply if the people don’t want it. It also takes the hassle out of having to go shopping for a present!


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