She needs to be supportive because it sounds like he has some emotional baggage from his “loving” parents (sarcasm). He admitted he felt the same way with his daughter when she was first born. I’m guessing his parents were cold and withheld their affection from him. His girlfriend needs to help stop the cycle.

I would say it’s most likely his parents attitude toward him that has affected his ability to feel love quickly

Stop right there. Love is an ACTION, not a feeling. Feelings are fickle and irrlevent. Many new parents feel this way.
But you woman has reacted like this because it is a biological imperative that she must protect her baby and what you said sounded like a threat. Not sure if any of this helps, but good luck.

I think your partner should be so pleased that you are so honest and open about everything. She certainly knows where she stands which is a lot more than many other women can say. So many dads just keep these thoughts to themselves, and only later does anyone realise why they are such bad fathers. Someone like you who is open has a chance to be the greatest dad of all time because you will try to be so for your child and with that will come long lasting love.

I think it’s good that he’s at least being open and honest about his feelings. He’s still caring for the baby and on some level I would say he cares as he’s putting it out there, not hiding away from it.
His partner still probably has a lot of hormones running through her body and might have been a bit shocked by hearing what he said.
Give it time and I’m sure he’ll grow to love his son as much as he loves his daughter.

This even happens to some mothers. When our daughter was born I absolutely loved her, but the traumatic experience of pregnancy and birth stopped me connecting with her straight away. I’m sure you love your son, you just don’t have that rush of love yet.

Feelings and facts are 2 different things. You can love someone without the gushy feelings. He is showing love by caring for his baby and family. Feelings will come in time.

Good on him for being able to speak about how he feels. It happens to parents not just dads – sometimes it just takes time

He said he felt the same with their first child whom he now adores – it’s more than likely the same will happen with the new baby … some things take time. In saying that I’d be shocked if after having given birth my partner told me he didn’t have feelings towards the baby thankfully it wasn’t the case for us. Hopefully things improve for the family.

I actually don’t think this is super uncommon. For some people it takes a while to develop that connection. The mother is probably still super hormonal and tired. I’m sure they will sort it out.

I actually felt this way when my son was born. There was a long backstory and I really struggled. Perhaps there is some depression — yes, Dads get it too. But clearly, he has the capacity to love a child and this will come.

This really is quite normal, and I think his partner is over reacting.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 26 Jul 2023 , 7:54 am

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  Yes she sure is over reacting. She now hates him ?! Going to break up because of this ??

For some people it takes time to really fall in love with their children and that’s OK. It took me some time too cause the shock of having a child took some time to wear off.

I am sure that it is a very common feeling for many dads, its good to be honest about those feelings, maybe you need to also talk to a professional so you are getting some additional support throughout this time.

I hope she gives you time to get those feelings. Not all Dad’s love their child the moment they are born. I’m hoping that she will understand and you stay together if you really love her.