You can be happy after a divorce, but a second marriage with children can be challenging.
Your child will have many questions and insecurities after your second wedding.
Fortunately, there are several ways to help your children accept your second marriage:
1) There is enough love for two
Continue to reassure your child. When you introduce your child to your current spouse, there will probably be a mix of emotions.
Reassure your child that marriage is not a competition for love. Your children need to know you can love them and your new partner in different ways.
You will always love and care for your children, but they need to know you deserve happiness too.
Maintaining two important relationships is a delicate balancing act. When your child is feeling insecure, you and your new spouse should do things to make your children feel important. You are excited about being newly married, but your children’s emotional health should still be a priority.
2) You are still important
Understand that your new marriage might be unsettling to your child. Learning to share your time and gaining new siblings can be a challenge for any child.
Your child might be worried about becoming lost in all the changes. It is important to set aside individual time with your children. Becoming a new family is great, but you still need to make sure you are addressing your child’s concerns.
The adjustment to a second marriage is easier when you make your child’s feelings a priority.
You and your new spouse will have plenty of time alone together when the children are sleeping. Keep the focus on your children’s happiness when they are awake.
3) Set firm boundaries
Make it clear that your spouse is not replacing their other parent. Let their other parent know your children need extra love and care during their adjustment to your new marriage.
If you are considering changing your child’s name, ask your child how she feels about it. Your child might be reluctant to give up part of her identity.
4) Continue to be understanding
Be patient with your children. They may care about your new spouse, but living with a new parent can be overwhelming. Your children might show behavioural problems after the marriage. Forcing them to conform will make these problems worse.
If your new marriage is having a negative impact on your children, consider family counselling.
5) Adjusting to new siblings
If there are two sets of children, do not force them to get along. They may not be ready to refer to each other as siblings.
Forcing them to spend time together will create resentment. In the beginning of your marriage, keep certain things separate. Reassure your children that they do not have to share their belongings until they are comfortable.
You should respect your new spouse’s opinions, but you should also continue to make decisions regarding your children.
If there is a parenting conflict, you should make the final decision. Let your ex-spouse know your new spouse will have a voice in your household.
Do you have anything to add that might help? Please share in the comments below.