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You can be happy after a divorce, but a second marriage with children can be challenging.

Your child will have many questions and insecurities after your second wedding.

Fortunately, there are several ways to help your children accept your second marriage:

1) There is enough love for two

Continue to reassure your child. When you introduce your child to your current spouse, there will probably be a mix of emotions.

Reassure your child that marriage is not a competition for love. Your children need to know you can love them and your new partner in different ways.

You will always love and care for your children, but they need to know you deserve happiness too.

Maintaining two important relationships is a delicate balancing act. When your child is feeling insecure, you and your new spouse should do things to make your children feel important. You are excited about being newly married, but your children’s emotional health should still be a priority.

2) You are still important

Understand that your new marriage might be unsettling to your child. Learning to share your time and gaining new siblings can be a challenge for any child.

Your child might be worried about becoming lost in all the changes. It is important to set aside individual time with your children. Becoming a new family is great, but you still need to make sure you are addressing your child’s concerns.

The adjustment to a second marriage is easier when you make your child’s feelings a priority.

You and your new spouse will have plenty of time alone together when the children are sleeping. Keep the focus on your children’s happiness when they are awake.

3) Set firm boundaries

Make it clear that your spouse is not replacing their other parent. Let their other parent know your children need extra love and care during their adjustment to your new marriage.

If you are considering changing your child’s name, ask your child how she feels about it. Your child might be reluctant to give up part of her identity.

4) Continue to be understanding

Be patient with your children. They may care about your new spouse, but living with a new parent can be overwhelming. Your children might show behavioural problems after the marriage. Forcing them to conform will make these problems worse.

If your new marriage is having a negative impact on your children, consider family counselling.

5) Adjusting to new siblings

If there are two sets of children, do not force them to get along. They may not be ready to refer to each other as siblings.

Forcing them to spend time together will create resentment. In the beginning of your marriage, keep certain things separate. Reassure your children that they do not have to share their belongings until they are comfortable.

You should respect your new spouse’s opinions, but you should also continue to make decisions regarding your children.

If there is a parenting conflict, you should make the final decision. Let your ex-spouse know your new spouse will have a voice in your household.

Do you have anything to add that might help? Please share in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • I am in a blended family arrangement where the parents of the children were never married but the father and I are. Our marriage has probably been the more stable thing in the kids lives. Its so frustrating for the kids having two sets of rules as one parents just won’t cooperate with the other, but in the end I believe they’ll see where they’re better of eventually.

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  • Just be real. Kids can see through BS

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  • So hard :( I wish this wasn’t case

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  • I’m so glad I didn’t have to go thru this or put my kids thru it. People close to me have separated and its been very messy for many years

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  • Great article and some really important things to remember with our children and how to continue being loving Mothers if you decide to remarry or introduce a new partner into your children’s lives. It is a huge change and adjustment which needs to be dealt with in a delicate manner. No rushing and patience would be needed with your children.

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  • Good suggestions. Very important to be aware that the kids can have lots of conflicting feelings and that they may need counseling to deal with it.

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  • Those are all really good suggestions, as well as having firm boundaries set for disciplining step children.

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  • Change is difficult for everyone and these good tips around taking time and having patience

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  • For me in my situation I am very lucky that my older boys took to my partner great. Yes it is definitely not always easy but I try my best to see the views of my partner and children. We do things together and I also do things with the boys just myself. I feel that’s important. We also welcomed a baby recently and I kept my older boys so involved with everything in the pregnancy that when Bub arrived there was no emotions for complete joy and helping from the big kids.


    • I’m glad it works so well for you and your kids ! Do they still spend time with their father as well ? how do they cope ?

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  • Quality time is a big one. They need to feel included.

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  • Good read. I’ve seen from nearby how challenging this can be

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  • It can be a big adjustment. Quality time, patients, honesty, inclusion….. good article to read.

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  • I think it’s really important to give individual time and being patient. These are being changes and it can be very unsettling.

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  • Change is hard for adults let alone kids. This was a great article to read

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  • Agree it’s definitely hard. I know when my husband and I got married his son felt left out because we eloped.
    He doesn’t live with us but we make sure he’s included with birthdays and other festivities we celebrate like Christmas.
    He feels special because he’s now a big brother to two younger kids so knows he has to protect them.


    • I’m glad your husbands son feels a special big brother now :)

    Reply

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