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You can be happy after a divorce, but a second marriage with children can be challenging.

Your child will have many questions and insecurities after your second wedding.

Fortunately, there are several ways to help your children accept your second marriage:

1) There is enough love for two

Continue to reassure your child. When you introduce your child to your current spouse, there will probably be a mix of emotions.

Reassure your child that marriage is not a competition for love. Your children need to know you can love them and your new partner in different ways.

You will always love and care for your children, but they need to know you deserve happiness too.

Maintaining two important relationships is a delicate balancing act. When your child is feeling insecure, you and your new spouse should do things to make your children feel important. You are excited about being newly married, but your children’s emotional health should still be a priority.

2) You are still important

Understand that your new marriage might be unsettling to your child. Learning to share your time and gaining new siblings can be a challenge for any child.

Your child might be worried about becoming lost in all the changes. It is important to set aside individual time with your children. Becoming a new family is great, but you still need to make sure you are addressing your child’s concerns.

The adjustment to a second marriage is easier when you make your child’s feelings a priority.

You and your new spouse will have plenty of time alone together when the children are sleeping. Keep the focus on your children’s happiness when they are awake.

3) Set firm boundaries

Make it clear that your spouse is not replacing their other parent. Let their other parent know your children need extra love and care during their adjustment to your new marriage.

If you are considering changing your child’s name, ask your child how she feels about it. Your child might be reluctant to give up part of her identity.

4) Continue to be understanding

Be patient with your children. They may care about your new spouse, but living with a new parent can be overwhelming. Your children might show behavioural problems after the marriage. Forcing them to conform will make these problems worse.

If your new marriage is having a negative impact on your children, consider family counselling.

5) Adjusting to new siblings

If there are two sets of children, do not force them to get along. They may not be ready to refer to each other as siblings.

Forcing them to spend time together will create resentment. In the beginning of your marriage, keep certain things separate. Reassure your children that they do not have to share their belongings until they are comfortable.

You should respect your new spouse’s opinions, but you should also continue to make decisions regarding your children.

If there is a parenting conflict, you should make the final decision. Let your ex-spouse know your new spouse will have a voice in your household.

Do you have anything to add that might help? Please share in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • A lovely article full of great inputs!

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  • Tough task – best tackled as a team surely.

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  • I am so happy to not have had to deal with this very tricky situation. No marriage break downs or serving marriages here. I see many who suffer quite a bit though

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  • Time and patience…
    My partner has children from his first marriage and they are grown ups so there’s no big drama or ill-feelings from his children towards this second marriage. Their mother remarried too. There’s respect and politeness both ways. Life goes on.

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  • I take my hat off to people who do the blended family successfully

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  • Don’t pit your children against your ex. I think this is possibly the most damaging thing a separation and remarriage can do.

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  • Very wise words Natasha, a great article!

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  • Even if one parent has children you and your partner need to come to terms with rules re behaviour and how it is handled. I have seen some differences in opinion which have seen disagreements between adults and confusion in children. Regardless of whether you are going to marry or not. Do not allow the child/children to play you off against each other. The same applies if both partners have children. You also need to agree that if one of you has a child then you have one together that one parent doesn’t favour the baby over other children. A child may accept you being together if not living together but if you get married might think he/she loved things as they were. I’ve heard that comment from a child too.


    • yes it is a hard ground to walk on. the ex spouse might really resent everything if you basically say “this new person will have a say”. would you like it if they get a new partner and over-rid your wishes

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  • Very true. Its an emotional time for everyone, with highs and lows. Thanks for your article.

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  • It is so hard when there are suddenly two sets of children – and it’s so easy to bend over backwards to the new children without realising you are putting your own children’s noses out of joint.
    It’s so hard for everyone and no matter how hard you try to be impartial somehow there are always accusations.
    It’s a hard road to tread, but it can be very worthwhile later on, especially if you finally earn the respect of both sides of the family.

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  • My son and his wife of just their first wedding anniversary are doing a wonderful if sometimes stressful job. Ny daughter in law has three children, they all live and do a lot of things. together. Gareth cooks so is teaching oldest girl and wins their praise as best hamburger maker. The middle child a boy he takes to football training and spends time with him doing boys stuff. The youngest is five a girl and absolutely adores him. The children go stay at there fathers as well.Which give the couple time alone which is also important.. I have noticed they are very honest and open with the children. In fact they sometimes take more notice of my son when misbehaving he gets them to go to there room for time out. It is not easy I know as kids will be kids and muck up with each other. But all in all it seems to be a progressing and good relationship. My son sometimes gets upset as at present he does not for their reasons see his son at moment, but they are trying to include him and his wife’s children ring him sometimes ,so who knows hopefully they can have a fuller relationship in future. All the kids have met and stayed with each other. My son’s boy and new son got on famously when they were together as they both like video games. So just wanted to let others know it takes patience and consistency but I am proud of them all, and also to be Nana Jean as they call me.

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  • kids get worried but have to understand

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  • children need help

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  • Lke tr

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  • I really like this article. Very positive.

    Reply

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