My husband has offered numerous times to have a vasectomy. But not all partners are that willing or supportive. One mum has shared that her hubby has refused to have ‘the snip’ for the appalling reason that he’s not getting enough sex.
The desperate mum has revealed her story to mumsnet readers, saying that she has had numerous pregnancies, an abortion and miscarriages and doesn’t want to go through any additional trauma associated with unplanned pregnancies. Her husband doesn’t want any more children but is still refusing to have a vasectomy.
The mum of two shared that she is currently pregnant (unplanned) but her husband is pressuring her to have a termination due to their financial situation.
Am I Being Unreasonable?
The mum said that she can’t cope with the guilt and loss of any more unwanted pregnancies and has implored her husband to have the procedure.
“Am I being unreasonable to have asked my DH to consider ‘the snip’? I am a few weeks pregnant,” she wrote in her post.
“We have decided that I will have a medical abortion because our finances and lives have become less stable recently, we have 2DC already and this was unplanned,” she continued.
“I feel very sad about it. DH is 100percent sure he doesn’t want this pregnancy or any more children.”
“In addition to our 2DC, I had three other early pregnancies which ended in MC while trying for DC2,” she added.
“My DH and I got together as teenagers at school. When I was a sixth former I has a late on termination, I didn’t know I was pregnant because I had the implant contraceptive.”
She shared how traumatic this experience was and how she had suffered much “guilt and sadness over it”.
“I Don’t Get Enough Sex”
“So now I have asked DH to consider having a vasectomy and to research into it. I couldn’t bare to go through this again. I am in my 30s now and still think back to my first pregnancy with lots of emotion.
“His reply was ‘I don’t get enough sex to even think about having a vasectomy’.”
“In my mind, I have born two babies, lost three, soon to have aborted two (I feel like the worst human being writing that), and taken contraception for years on and off. I’ve had enough sex (with him) to go through all of this.”
It’s His Turn To Take Responsibility
“Surely it’s enough. It’s his turn to take responsibility for this – my mental health can’t survive another positive pregnancy test and I could have years before menopause.
“Even if he doesn’t want to have the procedure, his words were sharp. I feel like I’m on the edge – either of a breakdown or of LTB!”
The comments on her post were divided. Many criticised the husband for coercing the mum into having a termination, which she clearly didn’t want. Others said that she shouldn’t be having sex at all if she didn’t want to get pregnant.
“How dare he speak like this and force you to have an abortion. Please do what is best for you, your dcs and your mental health. For me, sex would be permanently off the table,” said one.
“He obviously gets enough sex to get you pregnant, ergo enough sex for a vasectomy. But after a comment like that, he wouldn’t be getting any more! The termination is YOUR choice – your body, not his,” added another.
It’s His Choice Too
Others said that just as it was ultimately the mum’s choice to have the baby or not, it was the dad’s choice to have the vasectomy.
“I think he replied with a d**** answer but it is his body/ his decision. I think that you should really be sure that he is the man you want to be with long term.”
“I’d be walking away from a man who impregnated me and expected me to abort and despite him not wanting any more kids, would still be willing to impregnate me again.”
Do you think this husband’s excuse of ‘not getting enough sex’ is warranted? What advice would you give this mum? Tell us in the comments below.