What I thought I had down pat, was drinking too much alcohol on-my-own and being a good parent.
It is with thought I have decided to put this out there. To expose ones’ struggle, an antisocial, unfashionable one.
But as they say, if it helps even one other person…I want to share the formula.
I could make millions! If I could BOTTLE that! “How to stop drinking/drugs instantly.”
But it is your own recognition and reality-check.
But that IS what happened.
At 41 years old. I said it to myself. “I don’t want to die in front of my kids, in vomit or just hooked up to a kidney machine” because my body has broken down.
And then there is NO going back. The legacy … “mum was an alcoholic.”
You Will Be Known For Your Alcohol
I was gentle, kind, giving, animal lover, childcare worker history… but if you drink then that title will be your one statement.
I finally said to myself. I’m not above beating this. It will get me. It’s ruling me. My kids see my red face, hear my slurring. They don’t like this person.
How It Started
It all started when I was a newly single mum with two under five years old. No family in the state of Australia I lived in. I had a glass of wine in the daytime sunlight, with calm children watching a movie. It took that edge off! Felt so good. Over the next two years that ONE drink turned to one bottle, then why not two! Let’s make it only when kids at dads the weekend.
I had never been a good drinker. It was a case of why have one. I might as well make it an occasion. Get to that point where everything nicer, rosier, even a big smile. I look back and this was achieved with one glass!
But I had to have more and more.
Then it became spirits. If I’m alone I can do this. Party for one.
This turned in to a bender. To explain what it’s like to want more after six glasses is scary. To walk down to the shops for another two bottles.
It’s almost like in my fog I feel unseen! But everything is noticed.
Only my denial remains intact.
Alcohol has a depressant in it. So sad reasons to drink are only exacerbated by drinking. It’s a vicious cycle. I am not a person who stops at one or two.
Chemically I respond differently. The thirst is real. The reality is – I lost my way, lost my license.
Then I Stopped!
One day I just had it. I really said it to myself.
I need to decide.
And I stopped – cold turkey. It was the only way for me.
Some people don’t get it.
”Have one, that’s fine.”
I don’t explain, anymore…I understand my reasons and my children understand it. That’s all that matters.
I’ve rediscovered myself. My skin and hair are better. Life alcohol-free is freeing.
Every day is better, it’s just stepping past the fear of not being able to cope without that weekly or fortnightly bender.
I thought alcohol was my friend, but it was the enemy.
I wasn’t coping with it. I’m living life. Feeling the feels. This is living.
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Is alcohol a problem? If it’s harming you, or someone you know, it may be time to seek advice from a professional.
You can contact one of the many services available, speak to your GP, local health service or call a helpline.
DrugInfo : 1300 858 584
Family Drug Helpline : 1300 368 186
Youth Substance Abuse Service : 1800 014 446
Counselling Online : 1800 888 236
Kids Helpline : 1800 551 800
Parentline : 1300 301 300
Lifeline : 131114