When you hear that someone has lost custody of their children to the Government, what goes through your mind? Do you automatically put them in the bad parent category? Do you mentally come up with excuses that you will use to deny playdates? Do you come to the conclusion that they are not a good person?
So many times people go directly to judgement-mode and do not stop and think what it could mean for the parent. This then starts a negative chain reaction.
Why don’t we stop and think about the situation without jumping to the judging? Is it because it’s the quickest thing to do rather than using critical thinking and a compassionate heart.
Think Before You Judge
There is so much to consider:
Firstly, they could be innocent and be the victim of false allegations because people had a vendetta, such as an ex wanting the children to himself. As allegations do not have to have a name attached to them it is not hard to make it look like several people have had the same concerns. The onus is on the person that had the children removed to prove innocence and if the Government Department takes hearsay over outright proof, or take their speculations as gospel or even show favouritism toward one party over another, it is very hard to prove innocence.
Do You Know The Full Story?
If there is merit to the reasons for child removal, can we still sit there and judge? There could be reasons that this has happened. The person might be struggling with mental health issues or illness. They might need help and have been consciously or unconsciously crying out for help. Does that still give anyone the right to pass judgement? Unless you know the full story you really cannot make a call. How do you know that one day that might not be you…because people do make slip ups.
Parents Are Often Not Believed
These families are already stigmatised as it is because of what’s happened. Lots of families do not get any support from the Government, whether they are at fault or not. They are subjected to life completely becoming unbalanced by random inspections and heart-wrenching interrogations. There is the chance that one small thing can mean they lose their children. It does not take much, just the right words spoken (true or not) and they just get their children taken off them. And it only takes something small for visitation to be suspended as it all comes down to someone’s word over the parents and more times than not, the other person’s word, the ones against the parent, are the ones that are believed.
However, regardless of the situation, you need to realise that when a person has their child removed regardless of fault, they are a parent that is grieving a loss. Their life has just been turned upside down and they are getting a lot of judgement already from the Government. They really do not need any more judgement or prejudice because they will already be doing this to themselves. While you celebrate birthdays and special occasions, their arms are empty and tears are falling.
We can make things easier:
Do not trash all these parents because they will be doing that themselves.
Do not judge them because you do not know everything that is doing on and everything they have done.
Do not treat them like they are contagious and you should avoid them as it’s not catchy and they need a support network.
Be there to talk to them because they are a person after all.
And if you still think that they are deserving of judgement and ostracising contemplate this: At the end of the day the most important factor is the kids. Does any of this behaviour really benefit them and set a good example? Wouldn’t it be better if the child were introduced to a world of compassion? That is the biggest gift you can give to a child and the parent. And if you do one good thing you could start a chain positive chain reaction that is adopted by children as well as adults making for a better life for everyone.
What do you automatically think when you hear someone has lost custody of their kids? Do you think they are bad parents or try not to judge them? Tell us in the comments below.