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November 13, 2019

52 Comments

It can be difficult to know when your family is complete, but what if you and your partner don’t agree?

With the nuclear family becoming less and less common, and an increasing number of blended families being created, how to know when your family is complete is more difficult than ever. The decision to have another child is ultimately a mutual one – biology dictates that – but what happens if you and your partner have different ideas about how many children you’d like to have?

A Complex Issue

The decision to have another child is not one based only on the feelings of you and your partner, but can also affected by other factors beyond your control. Financial implications, fertility issues and work commitments are just some of the things that need to be taken into consideration.

If your partner has said they don’t want any more children, the question is then whether you feel that decision is one you could live with essentialbaby.com.au says. We all know that relationships are built on compromise and respecting your partner’s feelings, but wanting to have another child isn’t really something you can compromise on. This issue becomes increasingly complex when one person brings children from previous relationships to a new relationship, and may not wish to grow their family any further.

What Is More Important?

For many people, the discussion becomes a tug of war between having another child and their relationship, forcing them to make difficult decisions and sacrifices no matter which option they choose. In these circumstances, counselling can be a great way to gain some clarity, confirm your priorities, and perhaps let go of the possibility of having another child if that is what you choose.

Just remember not to force your partner into something they don’t want either – you don’t want to have to twist their arm to convince them that more kids are a good idea! And if all else fails, perhaps getting a puppy is a happy medium?

Have you and your partner had a disagreement about having another child? Let us know in the comments.

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  • This is really difficult especially if you have discussed this sort of thing and think you are on the same page. Before we got married my husband and I discussed children and he knew I wanted a big family. Once we were married and had our daughter he said he didnt want any more. I was crushed. We ended up having baby number 2 and he refused to have more. I tried to suck it up but found that I ended up slipping into a deep depression that I could not shrug off. It was awful. I kept telling myself to be happy that I had two and I was but still i felt my family wasnt complete. For some reason and I dont know why my husband said that has i wanted 6 kids he would meet me half way and we could have 3. I was blissfully happy with 3. I have always wished that we had more but with 3 I feel like a family.

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  • It would definitely put more pressure on couples who are in blended families if one side has kids work someone else and the other doesn’t and wants more.
    I would like more but don’t think I could go through being pregnant again. My body was under so much strain the first and second times that it freaks me out thinking about going through it again even though I’d love to.

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  • I have told my partner that I’m done add I just don’t think I could go through the pregnacy and labour again and the demand of breastfeeding. But he tells me I’ll change my mind. We have spoken about how we can’t afford another child financially. We have 2, one 3 and one 5 months. A boy and a girl. I had a miscarriage in between and don’t think I could go through that heart ache again. I’m glad my partner is supportive!

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  • Glad we agreed on how many.

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  • Counselling is probably a good idea

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  • heard and seen a few couples go through this in my circle of friends. it sure is a difficult one.

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  • Glad my partner and I have always agreed

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  • Sometimes your wants and needs arnt an option, things just happen, or sadly don’t happen

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  • How many kids to have is not a conversation I had with my partner. We are blessed with a son and a daughter and are very happy with the two of them. It was never an issue, luckily neither of us insisted on lots of kids. My son has a nearly 4yo, he’s not interested in a second child because the first one was a particularly difficult baby. My daughter in law, however, is ready to go now. I hope they work it out and don’t end up apart because they can’t agree

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  • Hubby and I had never really discussed how many children we would have despite being together 16 years, it’s a nice conversation to have I guess but life keeps changing and our views change as well.

    After our first daughter, we were quite content and happy and thought we were done, then number 2 happened and number 3, after our third (and last) child, we both know that we are done, our family is complete.

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  • We agreed on a puppy rather than a third child.

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  • I think this is something that needs discussing early on to make sure you are both on the same page. Hubby and I spoke about all of this BEFORE even getting engaged within the first few months of dating.

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  • We’ve had multiple discussions about having baby no.3
    It’s always been know prior to officially being together how many children both of us wanted. I think it’s a must have conversation for every couple

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  • We had big infertility problems and our daughter was born with in-vitrio. After her we had other two tries at IVF. Once I was pregnant with twins and I lost them both. The second time it didn’t function at all. By that moment I had decided that that was it. My husband would have loved to try more. But then (probably because of all the hormones I took over the years) I got an autoimmune disease, and my husband understood that my health was more important than trying again, so we left it like that.

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  • It certainly is a big discussion to have.

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  • yep ! this is a very important decision to make…

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  • It really is a family decision and one that can’t be taken lightly.

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  • That’s where we are at the moment, but I want us to agree

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  • No we never were in disagreement about that.


    • One of my former friend was in disagreement with her hub about that. She deliberately skipped the pill and became pregnant, whilst her hub wasn’t ready for it. Not a good thing.



      • I knew a lady who did this too. Her husband had really bad depression after their first two were born and she wanted a third, but he said mentally he couldn’t as he was just starting to get his depression under control. She went behind his back and got pregnant on purpose, and it made everything so bad for them. She ended up getting an abortion because she realised she had made a mistake and her husband wasn’t going to come around to the idea. So deceitful on her behalf and it really messed up her family

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  • My husband and I didn’t have any problems because I couldn’t have any more anyway. My eldest son’s wife wanted to have one more child but she just wanted to produce a boy after having 3 girls. They talked about it and decided no more children and my son said he’d get the snip so she didn’t need to get surgery. This was his decision and I was so proud of him

    Reply

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