Somehow I cannot see this marriage lasting very long at all. Did he marry for love, or was it for financial gain? If you are the one who normally gets a higher wage than him, then he probably owes you for nights out and holidays as it is obvious his wage isn’t covering any more than the normal bills all households get. Perhaps a very serious talk is required before this goes much further. Other couples pool their resources and in a divorce split the husband usually gets less due to his higher earning capacity. Be careful you don’t have to pay him alimony if you divorce.

It should come as a surprise if you both talked about it before falling pregnant. I agreed with other commenter saying this is financial abuse. I’d just reply to the husband with an “invoice” for the money he owes her for caring for the baby and also house chores. Then say: we are even! While she is back at work, I’ll be looking for a place to move to with the baby, show him divorce papers and “unexpectedly” leave him.

????
Nope. That is financial abuse.
He knew before falling pregnant what the financial situation would be. If he wasn’t able to keep up on the bills then other arrangements needed to be made. Like getting a second job, putting off having another baby until more money was saved etc. I’d be telling him to shove it where the sun don’t shine and asking him to pay for all the things Mum’s wished they received post birth. Like massages, chiropractic, medication. Heck I’d be throwing a boob job invoice in his face.

Leave him

Leave him.

The more I think about this article and the situation this mum finds herself in, the harder it is for me to believe that this is a healthy relationship based on love, companionship, equality and respect. In fact I would doubt very much this husband loves his wife and in it would be very hard for the wife to love her husband the way he sees her the way he behaves. I would have a good think if this is the person you want to be married with

Ok, this is wrong on so many levels, and not at all how a husband should be thinking! You are definitely not being unreasonable at all! You had a very important job in raising your baby and looking after it! I think there needs to be a very big discussion between you and him!

What strange behaviour, especially since you discussed finances before committing to having a baby. To me this is some kind of financial abuse and I would be discussing this further with him and maybe even get some form of counselling. No normal partner would do this. They would support the family while you support the growing infant.

I think your husband must come from lalaland to think you owe him. What the heck was he doing while you were looking after the baby while on maternity leave. If he’s going to be like that work out how much you would be paid if you were a cook, housekeeper, cleaner, babysitter, accountant and anything else you do then give that to him and show how much it would cost and ask for half of that amount.

Wow. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour. For starters, I think married couples all need to remember that once you are married it’s not “your money” and “my money” it’s “our money”. If they were to split up, he would actually owe her money for looking after their child, not the other way around. They both agreed to have a baby, so they are in it together. They support each other and their child however they can. This is totally unfair and what is he going to use the money he is demanding from her for? Is this going into his leisure fund? I don’t even have to think about any of our bills. Both my husband and I work full time and he does all the finances solely. We have a joint account and when I want to buy something, I do it, unless it is a more expensive item and then we discuss it. That’s how families work.

Okay, what?! I really don’t understand this or the logic – like where did all of this come from if they had the conversation?
She should be outlining all of the day to day things she does for him and put some sort of stupid amount next to each line item!
She should just get rid of him and find someone else.

This new mum should put together her own invoice which states how much she charges for having, feeding, and raising this man’s daughter for ten months. It will be more than the cost of utilities. 😀 On a serious note, this woman has the right idea about marriage, her husband does not. They are a family, a unit. They are supposed to work as one unit for the benefit of everyone in that unit.

Wow. Umm.. what!!
How can the husband even ask this of his wife? It was discussed before having the baby. At the end of the day, he has put his request forward, asked the question. So now it’s time for your answer.. No. Request denied.
Just tell him, you’ve thought about it, and no you won’t be partaking in that arrangement. Thanks though.

Similar things happened to friends, and I struggled ot understand – isn’t it a partnership?

You sure married the wrong guy. It very much sounds like he wants to be single but with the perks of being married. I suggest you tell him to grow up and stop being so foolish. This is not how a marriage works but if he wants to see how a divorce works just keep acting this way.

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  • • mom486197 replied
    • 07 Dec 2024 , 8:03 am

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  Your comment has hit the spot, I totally agree with you. This man does need to grow up, what he is suggesting of this mother is outrageous and he has no idea, that or he is just so very selfish. It does sound like this mum has found the wrong man but also these types of things don’t always come out until you are in these situations. I would be walking away from him.

Wow! Unbelievable! This man has a problem. If he is not listening to you does he have family that could speak to him? As a mother I would be disgusted if a son of mine behaved like this. You’re a family, you pitch in together.

I am absolutely stunned that it would even be a thought in a partner’s head to expect and to ask for money for taking maternity leave and caring for their child. The child was made to together and respect needs to be given to the mother that endured pregnancy and birth and caring for the child during leave. If the cost of carrying a child, birthing a child and caring for a child was calculated as a monetary number I expect it would be quite a large sum! Partners should support each other and their family in every possible way.

When this is for real then I really feel for this new mum.
I think she should deduct childcare, cleaning, cooking, personal shopper etc. I’m sure he’ll then owe you money. Or maybe she should tell him he owes her money for incubation. Then calculate child support payments and see if he changes his mind.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 07 Dec 2024 , 5:42 am

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  I agree; I was absolutely gobsmacked by this article and the content. It is quite incomprehensible that a partner would think and act in this manner. I also agree with you about tallying up the items and costs and sitting down and explaining exactly what the cost of outsourcing the items would be in a financial figure.

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  • • 
    • • Ellen replied
      • 08 Dec 2024 , 8:57 am

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    The fact that you and your husband agreed that it was okay that you would live off Statutory Maternity Pay only and discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed you could manage as you both had allocated baby savings and your husband has a fairly decent salary makes his response unfair. To be fair since you were the higher earner of the two of you, you could tell him he owes you money / the years you brought more in equals more then the gap

Ok I think it’s totally fair for her to now charge him for having a baby, taking time off work to raise the baby for the last 10 months, charge for any cooking, cleaning, washing., laundry ect that she has had to do during the relationship because clearly he doesn’t see them as equals if he’s charging her the bills. My goodness what an ass!

I have heard similar stories from friends, and every single time it ended in divorce even if it was a few years coming.