I totally understand and support this woman. I fell ya really. I’m a very similar person, I sometimes check my husband’s phone. And there is nothing that I don’t trust him. What I have understood from life is that what for one person is lie or wrong or betrayal or upsetting can be completely different for another person. Your another half can think this is normal behavior to do something, but for you it is not and you should always let them know.
Our family therapist said “if she needs to look up and make sure that everything is good – let her”

Maybe you shouldn’t have looked at his phone but now you’ll never forget what he’s said about you. He’s not worth being called a husband if this is what he thinks of you. I think you should find out what options you have and once that’s sorted, let him know you saw his messages and what you’re doing about it. It’s his fault because he should never have left his phone laying around for you to find.

Normally I would say that marriage should be fought for, and if there are problems in a marriage they should be worked on within the marriage, but in this instance I don’t think I could or would stay with someone who was belittling me to his friends on an ongoing basis. I would gladly give him the divorce he really wants.

I am still quite shocked that anyone would be in an intimate relationship and feel this way about their partner. Acting with integrity is essential in life and being honest and loyal is also key in personal relationships. When it is lacking it must be incredibly hard for a relationship to continue.

This is heartbreaking. Trust and respect are the foundation of any relationship, and what you found shows deep contempt, not just a moment of poor judgement. It’s not just the messages — it’s the narrative he’s built about you to others. That level of betrayal and disrespect would be incredibly hard, if not impossible, to come back from. You deserve to be with someone who sees your worth without needing to be reminded. Trust your instincts — if you feel there’s no coming back, you’re probably right.

We are hearing only one side of the story, which anyone with some intelligence would know there’s probably alot being left out. I highly doubt she is being blindsided, surely you would know your behaviour and what you are like as a person and by the sounds of it things aren’t good so really are you being blindsided or are you just blind? That’s the first question you have to ask yourself. As for the male disgusting behaviour complaining about the wife in a group chat and taking photos of some random women out and about and saying she’s hot. How old are you buddy? Cause you are acting like a 18 year old male, childish behaviour to say the least. I can see why he would be worried though, let’s be real she probably will take his money and leave him with nothing, it’s sad but I have seen too many women do this ESPECIALLY in this situation knowing he has spoken about her behind his back. Damn I’d hate to be in this situation. Sucks for him and sucks for her. My only advice is communication is key, now you know what you know be HONEST and tell how how you found this information out and how you feel. But don’t be a spiteful person and try and screw him over, that’s much worse than what he has done, that’s bottom feederbbehaviour.

This is absolutely horrific and a complete betrayal of an intimate relationship by a husband. It is disgusting behaviour for a group of adults to be communicating in this manner about a relationship; quite shameful. Ensuring happiness is important and if a relationship fails to come up to standard then smart measures and actions need to be activated to ensure future happiness and security.

Id be taking screenshots and planning my divorce. I honestly don’t think there’s any way you could come back after that. I’d definitely be confronting him. You were trying to do something kind for him and honestly he’s just proving he’s a narcissist if he tries to turn it back on you for going through his messages.

I think I would conclude too that this man doesn’t love you or your child when he says “can keep my son, I just want to keep my money”. My first thoughts are that you should protect your son, as this is of massive negative impact on a growing child. My first step would be to look if you can stay by a family member or friend as well and then think about what actions you would like to take

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I am in a similar situation but my husband is chatting to girls in china and the phillipines telling them he is divorced and doesn’t like his adult son. I have kept copies for when I can finally get my shit together and divorce him. If he is telling friends this then you have to move on. Don’t be concerned about reading his private texts, if he was so concerned he would have locked his phone. Mine just leaves the computer on and his son finds the messages as they are open.
Take a deep breathe and tell yourself you are a wonderful person and he is just not worth your time or love.

Wow, can’t believe all of the things he’s said, especially the bit about her keeping his son, he just wants the money?!
Unbelievable!!!

You must take photos of the messages and have them printed out and save them on another platform this is evidence of betrayal of your marriage. How you found these messages is not important anymore just go to a solicitor and get proper advice. This is a man who doesn’t love you or your child. He doesn’t deserve you and you need to protect your child. The Solicitor and Courts will help you sort out your rights and you can move on and have the LOVE you deserve.

OMG! What a narcisstic ahole! If he isn’t happy in the marriage he should leave! No matter what, the money he is complaining about will be split anyway and if he has any decent bone in his body he will pay maintenance for his son, even though he will be made to by the courts.
I would tell him that you were trying to do something nice for him and this is what you came across, if he denies it then well he is even more of an ahole!! People like him make my blood boil!
If you are able to get some help from either family or friends, take your son and leave him. Its what he wants anyway! Just because you are a stay at home Mum doesn’t mean that you are not contributing to the family household, you are worth it and being a stay at home Mum does not make you lazy, it is one of the busiest jobs we will ever do. Wouldn’t the 2 of you originally discussed that you would stay at home and raise your son???
I’ve been in your situation many years ago when my children were young, I stayed home for 8 years before I found part time work when my youngest daughter started Primary School, my ex husband used to say those sorts of things to me too.
I wish you all the best you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

Is there anyone you can stay with? That would be the first question then I would let him know I was leaving. If he is that unhappy in his marriage he won’t stop you. Let him know that you saw the posts on WhatsApp and if he is so unhappy in the marriage why stick around. Then file for divorce. It won’t be you dictating the amount he has to pay you it will be the courts. It will be a hard step but if you decide to leave you can then work on yourself and rise above his impression of you.

This is very heart breaking and it does sound as though he has already made his decision more or less or has at least been thinking about it. I would confront him though and explain the situation. I think under the circumstances, looking at his phone was done with good intentions and he shouldn’t have had something he needed to hide. I think he should be given a chance to explain himself and tell her directly why he is so miserable. I don’t know, perhaps if he is made to realise that speaking about those types of things to his friends is not acceptable and he needs to be open with her, and maybe if they had counselling? It’s completely up to her if she feels that she wants to save it. It’s not a nice situation at all.

How awful for you , what a horrible man who is only interested in his money , not even your son together . There’s no way you can stay , make your plans and don’t confront him until you are ready to go and make a new life with your son .

How heartbreaking for you.
You deserve someone who loves and respects you and he doesnt do either. What a horrible person. You can do better.
You did not do anything wrong and digging deeper into his messages. Once his bad behaviour was discovered you had every right to check further.
I hope you have not bothered with his birthday party.
Make your plans and part of those plans is to contact a lawyer to make sure you protect yourself and youir son.
Good luck.

I don’t think I could stay in the marriage if I knew my husband felt this way. I am also not sure how comfortable I would be to bring it up. Is counselling an option to find out why he feels the marriage is so miserable? I think I would take a snapshot of the messages too although I am not sure if they can be used as you collected them illegally.

Take photos of the messages so that you have them when you get divorced.
You will only second guess yourself if you stay in this relationship. It’s time to move on and get a new life for you and your little one. Wish you all the best for the future.

I’m sorry to hear in what devastating situation you’re in. Apart from this incident, what are your feelings about your husband and marriage ? Personally when it was me in this situation I would just openly explain that you thought to organise a birthday party for him and went in his phone to get the contact details of his friends, where you bumped into these messages. I would explain how hurtful this is and ask what is it what he wants right now and how you together should end this / move on / or continue and work on your relationship.