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Miscarriage is an individual journey that should never be walked alone. Nobody should have to hang their head and stay silent. Find out what grieving parents wish people knew about miscarriage and pregnancy loss.

We asked our MoM’s what they wish people knew about their miscarriage or infant loss, read their responses below……

Jade shared her story, “I lost a baby 13 years ago and another just 5 weeks ago – I don’t really talk to people about it but for me what I need is for people to not expect anything.

To not expect me to ever be exactly the same as I was before the losses because I never will be, to not expect me to show them or tell them constantly how I’m hurting but still not assume that because I seem normal in public that everything is all better now and expect that I’m over it or something and to not expect me to ever let go because I won’t, they are my babies despite not getting to give birth to them.

People need to understand that not everybody grieves the same, not everybody manages to get back to being exactly who they were before the loss and not everybody wants or needs to let go to move forward, I learn to move forward for my three kids and for my other half but I don’t believe that I have to find a way to “let go” of my other two babies in order to do that.

People also need to realise that the physical side of it is a lot more traumatic than anybody who has never experienced it will ever realise so comments like “you can always try again” is not ok not only because no baby is replaceable but because while we’re physically, mentally & emotionally going through hell some of us don’t want to even think about trying again for multiple reasons.”

Danielle said, “There is NO time limit on grief and say the child’s name if they were named when talking to the parents.”

Pinar said, “There is lots of support out there and don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Also don’t ever judge your grief to someone elses, all your feelings are valid and there is no right or wrong way to feel. And I promise it does get easier to deal with.”

Wendy said, “Do not, under any circumstances, say… oh well you can have another one!”

Kim reminded people, “The parents still want to speak their child’s name they want their child remembered grief has no time limit and effects the whole family from grandparents aunts and uncles and older siblings.”

Lisa begs people, “Do NOT say “It just wasn’t meant to be ” and “you can always try again!!!”

Kylie said, “I wish someone had told me what would ACTUALLY happen to my body through the miscarriage. my biggest upset was that I was not informed and the reality was a lot worse than I was expecting.”

Meagan shared, “Don’t avoid talking to me. If you think I need time alone, at least text to let me know you’re thinking about me and you’ll be there when I need it.”

Karen shared, “Don’t tell them they should be over the loss by now. As you never get over it. Also when we lost our daughter someone said to hubby “at least you’ve got two others.”

Read more stories on our Facebook page below.

Support is always available

The Pink Elephant are a not-for-profit organisation, whose aim is to support women who are experiencing miscarriage, nurture them as they heal, and empower them as they move beyond.

The organisation wants to help women connect with others who have walked the path before them and who truly understand the feelings of grief and loss associated with early miscarriage. No woman should feel alone, unsupported or unvalidated during this time.

If you are struggling with a recent loss there are a few support networks to reach out to below

The Pink Elephants

https://pinkelephantssupport.com/feel-home/support-resources/

Bears Of Hope Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support  

Grief Support: 1300 11 HOPE
Email: support@bearsofhope.org.au

PANDA

PANDA National Helpline (Mon to Fri, 9am – 7.30pm AEST) Call 1300 726 306

Sands.org.au

24 hours a day, 365 days a year (including Christmas Day) by dialling 1300 072 637

Lifeline 13 11 14

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  • 2 things i have never forgiven my husband for was making me go to hospital alone and forcing me to call my work myself, I could barely speak and he refused to help me how i needed him to. I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t want to hear anyone else’s stories, this was my time not their’s

    Reply

  • it is a hard thing to go through and you should be open and honest and let it out. find good support and hopefully you will find the strength to carry on. a lot of dreams and hopes are lost with that child and even if they are only 10 weeks old or whatever the case maybe, it is still such a loss to cope with

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  • I was quite open about my miscarriages as well and found lots of support and kindness. However also found misunderstanding especially from my mum, which was hurting back then but not anymore.

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  • It is an unimaginable pain and it does stay with you.

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  • When I miscarried I was quite open about it and the amount of friends and family he confided in me that they had suffered a miscarriage is well was overwhelming. I don’t know why people should feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit that happened to them. It really helps to talk about it

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  • Grief is something that can overwhelm even the strongest person.

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  • I never told anyone not even my partner. Thirteen all by twelve weeks. It broke me.

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  • I do believe there is more support now ..then when I lost my angel 37 yrs ago. My advice is to seek out support if you feel you need it.
    The moms above have commented well and I send my love to all.
    “Do not, under any circumstances, say… oh well you can have another one!”
    “Do NOT say “It just wasn’t meant to be ” and “you can always try again!!!”
    Like the beautiful moms have mentioned the above words hurt and another child will not take the place of the angel child.

    Reply

  • One person told me “Better this way. I know how difficult life with three kids would have been”.

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  • Many people came clse to suffering serious injury when they told me “everything happens for a reason” or “it’s for the best”.

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  • I have a friend who had her baby around my due date and I will always feel sad when I see her little girl. Its just the way it is.

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  • I lost my twins almost 14 years ago. The pain is not the same now, but I still think about them. And I still remember with sadness some remarks people made that hurt so badly.

    Reply

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