Miscarriage is an individual journey that should never be walked alone. Nobody should have to hang their head and stay silent. Find out what grieving parents wish people knew about miscarriage and pregnancy loss.
We asked our MoM’s what they wish people knew about their miscarriage or infant loss, read their responses below……
Jade shared her story, “I lost a baby 13 years ago and another just 5 weeks ago – I don’t really talk to people about it but for me what I need is for people to not expect anything.
To not expect me to ever be exactly the same as I was before the losses because I never will be, to not expect me to show them or tell them constantly how I’m hurting but still not assume that because I seem normal in public that everything is all better now and expect that I’m over it or something and to not expect me to ever let go because I won’t, they are my babies despite not getting to give birth to them.
People need to understand that not everybody grieves the same, not everybody manages to get back to being exactly who they were before the loss and not everybody wants or needs to let go to move forward, I learn to move forward for my three kids and for my other half but I don’t believe that I have to find a way to “let go” of my other two babies in order to do that.
People also need to realise that the physical side of it is a lot more traumatic than anybody who has never experienced it will ever realise so comments like “you can always try again” is not ok not only because no baby is replaceable but because while we’re physically, mentally & emotionally going through hell some of us don’t want to even think about trying again for multiple reasons.”
Danielle said, “There is NO time limit on grief and say the child’s name if they were named when talking to the parents.”
Pinar said, “There is lots of support out there and don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Also don’t ever judge your grief to someone elses, all your feelings are valid and there is no right or wrong way to feel. And I promise it does get easier to deal with.”
Wendy said, “Do not, under any circumstances, say… oh well you can have another one!”
Kim reminded people, “The parents still want to speak their child’s name they want their child remembered grief has no time limit and effects the whole family from grandparents aunts and uncles and older siblings.”
Lisa begs people, “Do NOT say “It just wasn’t meant to be ” and “you can always try again!!!”
Kylie said, “I wish someone had told me what would ACTUALLY happen to my body through the miscarriage. my biggest upset was that I was not informed and the reality was a lot worse than I was expecting.”
Meagan shared, “Don’t avoid talking to me. If you think I need time alone, at least text to let me know you’re thinking about me and you’ll be there when I need it.”
Karen shared, “Don’t tell them they should be over the loss by now. As you never get over it. Also when we lost our daughter someone said to hubby “at least you’ve got two others.”
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Support is always available
The Pink Elephant are a not-for-profit organisation, whose aim is to support women who are experiencing miscarriage, nurture them as they heal, and empower them as they move beyond.
The organisation wants to help women connect with others who have walked the path before them and who truly understand the feelings of grief and loss associated with early miscarriage. No woman should feel alone, unsupported or unvalidated during this time.
If you are struggling with a recent loss there are a few support networks to reach out to below
Grief Support: 1300 11 HOPE
PANDA National Helpline (Mon to Fri, 9am – 7.30pm AEST) Call 1300 726 306
24 hours a day, 365 days a year (including Christmas Day) by dialling 1300 072 637
Lifeline 13 11 14
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