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A new mum has been left upset after her husband won’t agree to let her stop breastfeeding their child.

Mum Herbie22 posted on Mumsnet asking for advice after she suggested she switch her five-week-old baby to formula.

‘I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her,’ she wrote in the post.

‘I tried to speak to OH (other half) about this and he said that he doesn’t want her on formula. He said that I am making enough because she is gaining weight. I don’t think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.’

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Resentful

She also said that she felt she had lost her zest for life because she spent all her time feeding, and resented her husband for being able to come and go ‘without a baby attached to him.’

She continues, “I don’t want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I’ve lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding.

It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can’t even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I’m starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to the shops, without a baby attached to him.

I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!”

She added in comments that they are getting lots of wet nappies and she would consult with the health nurse on their next visit.

If you are struggling with feeding please consult your doctor for advice to help with some great tips.

give up bf mumsnet

MoM’s were quick to speak in support of the new mum when we asked what they thought.

“You’re not being unreasonable at all. Your (husband) isn’t the one having to feed all hours off day and having a baby attached to him,” one user wrote.

“They are your boobs and therefore it’s your choice and no one else’s,” said another.

Another shared, “No they shouldn’t. That being said.. I did ask hubby when I was BF #3 if he cared that I stopped BF at 11 weeks as I was struggling with it and chasing 2 toddlers arounds. He said it was my decision and do what was best for me.”

“No, it’s her body. Breastfeeding isn’t always as easy as it’s made out to be. For some women it just works. Some women have aversions to it. Some struggle in many different ways. I know I struggled to produce enough milk in the beginning, but I was determined to make it work. Even when hubby suggested I should give up.”

“Both my ex-husband and my current husband left it totally up to me. When it comes to breastfeeding I think dads could offer their opinion but anything more than that is over the top… it’s the woman’s body after all.”

“No, her decision”

Should a father have a say? Or is it a mother’s right to make this decision?

Share your comments below.

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  • maybe she should pump her milk so that the father can help and give her a break

    Reply

  • He could be less nasty about it. He could try to be more helpful and take her to her doctor where they could all discuss it. He could take her mental health into account when he just says no. What a dick.

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  • I think the Mother’a breastmilk should be tested to ensure it has the nourishment her baby needs. It is possible to have a strong flow of milk which has no or very little nourishment. I personally know one Mum who had this problem with every baby she had, even after being on a special diet both before and after the last 2 births. She was told her milk was like white water. My Grandma also had a close friend the same problem with her first baby

    Reply

  • I believe the father should have some say but then he definitely should listen to the mother and support her. At the end of the day it is what is best for baby!

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  • I believe that father should have a say – it is his child after all and feeding choice has a lifelong health effects. In saying that mother obviously needs support as it can get very lonely and tiring. Baby is just 5weeks old, frequent feeding behaviour is very normal at this age, but for the new inexperienced parents this can be a bit shoking:). Still I strongly suggest to consult a lactation consultant to see if efficiency of the feeding can be increased (which often the case) so frequency can be reduced. Next, just learn to do things while feeding a baby at the same time – eating dinner should be easy, going shopping or out with friends, just put the baby in the sling and go (feeding in the sling is so much more convenient and discreet) . Remember, that babies naturally will stop feeding as frequent as they grow, so this period is not very long. These days I miss the opportunity to relax in bed whilst feeding mine or read a book or watch a movie:).

    Reply

  • Sounds like the baby has the right amount of wet nappies, so is going alright. As for the feedings sounds like she is just tried and wanting some freedom that her husband has. It is her body so she should have the final word.

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  • I agree with the opinion of MoM Nas01.

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  • I think both parents have a right to express their opinions but ultimately it’s mum who has to do the actual breastfeeding so the final choice should be hers.

    Reply

  • Think the father should support the mother as much as possible when breastfeeding on practical level (doing the jobs she can’t do because she’s stuck, get her coffee and tea, cook dinner or anything what is helpful) as well as on emotional level (listen to her struggles, support her when she wants to get help from an lactation consultant and support her own decision whether to go on or stop).


    • Beautifully written and completely captures my thoughts on this too.

    Reply

  • Ultimately a woman’s body is her own body.

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  • My husband expressed an opinion, but made it very clear that e felt it was my choice, and he wouldn’t be upset whatever I did.

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  • I feel the state of mind she is in at present could also impact on the milk. See your GP, nurse etc.
    Also if it is really what you want, tell hubby you are trying and trialling to see if it makes a difference.

    Reply

  • If you want to supplement your breast feeding do it. If he needs more convincing make him stop what he is doing day and night and sit with you while you feed so he gets the point you are trying to make. Babies do cluster feed and different times as well. Mum needs her sanity and while breast feeding is awesone a baby with a full belly and lots of cuddles is a happy baby. Formula these days is great compared to what it used to be

    Reply

  • Difficult to say. I am very supportive of breastfeeding, so I would try as much as possible before giving up. But if she did that, and she doesn’t like doing it anymore, maybe it’s better to stop before it affects not only her marriage but the relationship with her child too.

    Reply

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