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Mother daughter relationships can be notoriously difficult, and any negative baggage is often carried over when daughters become mothers themselves. One daughter has shared how her mother’s constant weight criticism has spilled over to her baby granddaughter, and she’s putting a stop to it permanently.

The 24-year-old mum says ever since she was a child, her mother would do nothing but pick on her weight. “Made comments every time I ate, weighed me constantly, literally went to the school to tell them to make sure I never ate candy or treats or pizza, and even praised me when I subsequently developed an eating disorder as a preteen/teen,” the mum shared on reddit. “She told me at one point she would disown me if I ever got fat.”

‘She should go with you to Weight Watchers’

The broken woman says she still has therapy to work through the damage caused by her mother’s hurtful words. And she limits the contact with her mum to protect herself. “Because even as an adult she convinces me to weigh myself (I have a literally have a fear of scales) and gives me ‘advice’.”

Now that she has a 17-month-old daughter of her own, the woman has allowed them to have a relationship. She says her daughter adores her grandma, and usually gets her fiancè to drop their daughter off. But things recently came to a head.

“Last night was a family gathering,” the woman explained. “I was invited and decided to go since the family I am close to was going and so many people would be there and I could keep my distance from my mum. My daughter was sitting on my aunt’s lap while I was there along with other people. My mum came over and said something like, ‘Wow she’s getting chubby. She should go along with you to a Weight Watchers meeting and you can both learn good eating habits’.

The woman says she was livid, and while she’s used to such comments being directed at her, the fact her mother was saying it about her own grandchild was unforgivable.

“I nearly lost it, took my daughter and said we were leaving and if she can say that s**t then she won’t be seeing grandchild ever again. One of my cousins texted me later to check on me. She said she agreed with what I told my mum. Also told me (I asked her to) that my mum is playing the victim and most of the people who were there think I’m a b***h. My aunt said it’s ‘cruel’ to ‘keep a grandmother from seeing her grandchild’.

The woman says she doesn’t feel bad about her reaction and banning her mum from seeing her own granddaughter, but is genuinely curious about what others think she should have done in the situation.

What would you do in the same situation?

  • I don’t think you did anything wrong but I do think your mother needs to get help. Maybe that’s how she was raised. You don’t need any more negativity in your life and your daughter definitely doesn’t need that either. Stick to your decision and she may come around, if not then it’s your mother’s problem not yours.

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  • There is definitely something wrong with the mother here and the daughter did what was in her and her daughter’s best interest! Good on her. Sad she didn’t cut the ties sooner!

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  • This is sad for the daughter. I hope that she can heal from the judgements passed down from her mother.

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  • Having read the article I understand the mum’s response. Bad enough that the Grandma made their relationship unhealthy and toxic but the comments def were triggering and can start the same mindset for the child. Pull your head in Grandma, or you lose out on sharing many lovely moments. It’s a shame families think blood means they can get away with rude offensive comments. Good on you for acting now rather than enduring it.


    • Family should always act with respect because there is familiarity and it can be way to easy to cause offence and over step and cause harm to people.

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  • Toxic behaviour is never ever acceptable. No one needs that type of negativity.

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  • I think the Grandma has some mental health issues and the Mum needs to protect her own mental health and that of her child’s.

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  • What a dreadful thing to say about anybody. I would not cut her off, but I would also never drop my child off to visit with her, you need to be present so you can hear what is being said and also to rectify and counter the very unhealthy attitude to food and weight that is being presented. Nobody who is overweight needs to be told, but how a mother could actually cause you to have problems with your own body and self esteem….so very sad. You have a healthy body that has been able to carry a baby and to care for and nurture the child, congratulate yourself for that and move on, short visits to mommy dearest might be the way to go’. Good luck.

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  • If you mother had only stop at Wow she’s getting chubby, but adding She should go along with you to a Weight Watchers meeting and you can both learn good eating habits’. Not acceptable. It seem like weight has always been an issue for your mum. Hard to ignore as it is coming from your mother. Visit as little as possible but don’t totally cut her out because then you will look like the bad one.

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  • That is terribly sad for you to have to go through, your Mum is the one who needs help! No mother should put her child through shaming them. Good eating starts at home but restricting a child from enjoying some treats can be damaging. Your not a child anymore so I suggest you confront your Mum & tell her how you really feel. Maybe she will realize what she is saying is wrong & it won’t be too late for her to have a more positive relationship with you & your child. Good luck.

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  • Ooh, there’s a lot of childhood trauma there and I totally understand. I’m working through it in therapy now. Whilst we often refer to babies as cute and chubby, there is so much more underlying angst etc. here. I support you. You did what you felt was the best thing for you and your baby. You know best.

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  • There’s more at play in this story than just calling a baby chubby because we’ve all said that at times with the little chubby cheeks and legs on babies. This is more deep rooted from her own childhood.

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  • Sounds like the grandmother has issues of her own where she needs to bring others down to make herself feel better. Totally messed up to say it about a child that young and then how she used to do it to her own daughter? Horrible!

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  • Woah, that’s sick ! Think the grandmother can use some therapy sessions.


    • When your mum can’t change her way of talking to you and your child, I can totally understand you take distance from her; her comments are toxic

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  • Some comments that come out of people’s mouths baffle me. Especially when it’s from family members. She was way out of line for sure. I would have been offended

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  • Out of line for sure. If she has nothing nice to say.. then don’t say anything. It’s your Mum who has the problem with weight. Not you or your beautiful daughter. At some point you need to speak to her and ask her to just listen to your request. Tell her how you felt at the time and how you are going to bring up your daughter without sly remarks about weight! If she wants to be part of your life she must change her ways. You enjoy your baby girl and your family and your mum can fit in or not. It’s simple respect you!

    Reply

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