The mum says that she is struggling to cope with her autistic son’s needs and feels she has no option but to give him up for adoption…

A distressed mum has taken to Mumsnet to share her guilt over considering putting her four-year-old son up for adoption. The mum says that her son requires constant attention and support, due to high functioning autism and extreme OCD, and that his behaviour is negatively affecting the rest of the family, including his three-year-old sister.

A Miserable Existence

The mum says that her son’s behaviour makes even the most mundane of tasks impossible.”We live a miserable life and stay in our house 95% of the time because of how difficult he may be in public,” she wrote. “I don’t get to have a life because of him, we share no family fun outings, we just exist. It has affected my relationship with my husband to the point where we are on the verge of a divorce.”

Despite attempting to seek additional help and support, the mum says that her daughter is suffering as all the attention is placed on her son, and she and her husband are unable to cope.”He is a lovely boy and doesn’t mean to be difficult,” she said. “I do feel that I can not provide for him anymore and he deserves a family that can.”

The mum said that putting her son up for adoption was the only option she had left. “I do feel terrible for how I feel. I know he’s my son and I should be able to deal with him but I just can’t,” she admitted. “I love him so very much and it’s heartbreaking that I’m even writing this.”

Don’t Give Up

Commenters on the mum’s post said that giving up simply isn’t an option. “I see it as a challenge that I will always win,” one mum said. “Our life has to be on hold for them. They’re our babies and they need us.”

Others shared their own experiences and highlighted the trauma adoption could cause for both mother and child. “I have two autistic boys and our lives are ruled and dictated by them,” said one mum. “I’m sorry things are difficult. Can you get some respite care for him so that you can have one on one time with your daughter?” “If you give him up, imagine the feeling every morning when you wake up wondering where he is,” said another. “Could you live with that?”

We really feel for this mum. It’s so awful that any parent ever feels in a position where they need to consider putting their child up for adoption. We can only hope that she finds the support she needs to get through this difficult time.

Have you struggled to cope with your child’s needs? Share your story in the comments.

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  • It sounds like she needs some help very soon.


  • Take away the disability and this describes my family situation, and as horrendous as it sounds, I too have thought how different life would be if I put my youngest up for adoption. I know I couldn’t live with myself if I did, however, and that my child just has really difficult days, but is otherwise a beautiful child I love with all my heart. So I truly understand and feel for you and your family. Does your boy not go to school? Is there nobody that could watch him even for an hour or two? I know it’s asking a lot from someone. As much as I would often love the break from my second born, I know it’s not fair to ask someone else to watch my child so I can get the much needed break. I hope you get some help with your situation. There is always foster care for a brief respite. All the best


  • My youngest requires a lot more attention than her older siblings which can be very hard. I feel guilty for not spending the same time with my older two, and I myself have a disability which makes most things harder already. But I wouldn’t wish for things to be different. All of it is a lesson I believe, and teaches all of us something others may never experience. Patience is one thing that my kids and I learn to manage. Being empathetic towards each other and different personalities. I know things will get easier as they get older, though, and I cherish the time I have with them before they decide to move out when they’re grown up.


  • I couldn’t even imagine. I hope she is funded by NDIS – she should talk to her case worker about looking into options for respite and other programs that may help like ABA and speech pathology with high structure and high support for her son and the family. I hope she can call in family to help support her too. Just taking some time out each day to spend time with her daughter as well will be important too.


  • Oh my gosh, this poor mum. She must be feeling so overwhelmed and that she’s failing. What a horrible place to be in. I hope she finds some help soon. I can totally relate to her feeling like adoption is the only way to go


  • Oh wow. It can be hard to get help at times but autistic children have brilliant minds


  • I think maybe they need to try look for help again. Sometimes life isn’t about being happy all the time and doing things you would love to do. It’s about loving your child and doing your best to help them through life. Being a mum in general is hard and when you have multiple kids, some of them won’t get as much attention anyway. I would definitely say to try get the son minded for a day so she could spend time with her daughter one on one but giving a child up, I don’t think is an option unless you are mentally ill and are going to kill someone? Kids like that would be worse off without their mummy.


  • Aw bless, sounds this family needs respite.
    We have 2 foster children under a guardianship order, both with special needs. We experienced very challenging times with our 9yr old so much so that my husband said that the thought she lives with us till she’s 18 is torture. We applied for NDIS now and hope for funding and support to get her the help she needs


  • Under no circumstances would I ever give my child up for adoption because of a condition that is beyond their control. I feel really really sorry for her that clearly she doesn’t have the help that she needs in raising her son, but to me I can’t fathom giving my child away that’s just not something I would ever be able to do


  • Absolute heartbreaking it’s come to her even writing this. I could never imagine abandoning my child no matter how difficult


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