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She asked if she was being unreasonable to be angry with her brother for not inviting her kids to his wedding…

A wedding can be one of the biggest expenses a couple will ever have so making sacrifices to cut costs is a difficult yet important way to reduce financial stress. Despite this, a mum has taken to Mumsnet to share her anger after her brother and his fiance decided to change their minds and not invite children to their wedding, preventing her kids from attending.

A Big Deal

The mum says that she was shocked when her brother told her about the change, especially as her children had been looking forward to the wedding. “My kids were told they were invited so were very excited (they are 10 and very sensible so would not be kicking off in the ceremony)” she wrote. “They have never been to a wedding before, there are not other kids in our family so this was a big deal to them.” The mum said that even though the couple had implemented a strict ‘no kids’ policy for both sides of the guest list to reduce numbers, she felt they should have made an exception for immediate family. “I know it’s their wedding, they can invite who they like, but I feel really sad that my kids will miss the wedding of the uncle they idolise.”

Worth Saying Something?

The mum asked the forum whether it was worth raising the issue with her brother or pretend it’s not a big deal, with many supporting her saying she is right to be upset. “Uninviting them is just shockingly rude. I don’t know anyone who has had a childfree wedding if they have close children in the family,” said one comment. “Talk to your brother, be understanding of his choice, but add that the kids were so excited and he needs to talk to them and have that conversation himself.”

We can totally understand where this mum is coming from – while it’s completely acceptable to have a child-free wedding, uninviting guests after the fact is guaranteed to cause hurt and disappointment. Make the decision before you send the invites or live with the consequences!

Did you choose to have a child-free wedding? Share your story in the comments.

  • It would be tough for you and no doubt difficult for your brother to put this into place. I would be a little upset in your shoes. But ultimately, it is their wedding and their decision.

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  • It’s a bit rude if they were told they could come and then told they couldn’t.

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  • We had just immediate families kids, which cause only a problem once, but I guess you can’t please everyone
    My sister had a kid free wedding which was fine too.

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  • No we decided to have some children at our wedding but we were up front about who was invited and who was not and my brother did the same. Only our nieces and nephews – who were part of the wedding party – attended the wedding. However, as we had a church wedding we welcomed anyone to be part of that.

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  • It’s their wedding so their rules, however, uninviting guests no matter what age is rude. You have a right to be upset and I’d be taking it up with him if he was my brother. My attitude would be, if my children are uninvited then so am I. They should have set the ground rules for their wedding from the get go.

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  • It’s completely up to the couple but I can understand why this mum would be upset. I have been to weddings where kids were allowed at the ceremony & not the reception. Some times both but not for the whole reception. It would have been nice for the kids to have been apart of the wedding, even if it was only a small part but again it’s up to the couple.

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  • Completely up to the couple as to who they invite but I think it’s really mean to invite the kids and then un-invite them. We’ve been to a few weddings (for family members) where my kids haven’t been invited and although disappointed understand that it’s expensive.

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  • It should be up to the couple but often people still have kids from their family there. Just not all kids from every guest.

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  • It’s obviously up to the couple if they choose to have a kids free wedding or not, BUT, to invite them and then change their minds is not on! I love to see children at wedding parties, they get so excited and look so cute all dressed up – we had lots of children on our wedding day and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

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  • Yes I would talk if this was my brother, even to express my feelings of hurt / disappointment because it could effect your relationship with him.

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  • yes I can understand both sides of the story and I suppose you can chose to say no too

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  • You’re invited to an expensive night the couple have put on, its their night not yours or your kids. Everyone has in-laws or friends so to say their is no one to look after the kids is crap. Better still sacrifice and have the one of you stay koo after the kids. Your kids will go to a tonne of parties so grow up and let the couple enjoy a romantic night without a heap of screaming kids running around under foot and costing a fortune. I can’t understand why grownups don’t want some time to enjoy a rare occasion it’s beyond me.

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  • We had a child free wedding *HOWEVER* our niece did come because we didn’t want her to miss out, she was 2.5 and she was our flower girl. I didn’t want it any other way. I would say something because they were originally invited, this is so hurtful to young kids to be uninvited it’s so rude.

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  • I’m cool with child free weddings, that’s totally their choice. But uninviting ANYONE is extraordinarily rude.

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  • The main issue here in my opinion is that the children were invited, and then uninvited! This is wrong. It would have been disappointing not to be invited in the first place, but to be asked and then told they were not welcome is cruel …. it should have been stipulated right from the word go if they didn’t want children to attend ….

    Reply

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