'My Husband's Parents Want To Stay With Us After I Give Birth'

A first-time-mum says she feels ‘500%’ uncomfortable with her in-laws and her husband’s grandparents staying at her home after her baby’s birth.

She says she and her husband grew up in the area they currently live in, and her own parents and extended family still live in the same area. But two years ago her husband’s parents and grandparents moved eight hours away.

Now the couple are expecting their first baby together, and her in-laws want somewhere to stay when they visit.

“His family wants to stay in our home when the baby is born to meet baby for a few days within the first two weeks after birth. I am 500% uncomfortable with this,” she explained on reddit.

“I’m very shy and introverted. I’m not going to feel well enough to host people #1, #2 I’m not ok with our family bonding time being disrupted by having guests around 24/7 who are going to be all over baby and #3 those first weeks are so important for building a routine and there’s no way to do that with overnight guests here.

“He says we don’t need to ‘play host’ – they will cook/entertain themselves. I don’t want people cooking in my kitchen two weeks after giving birth, I want to be able to use our kitchen for US freely, without other people in the way or feeling judged or like I have to put on some kind of show. As far as ‘they’ll entertain themselves’ – yeah they’re going to want to be entertained with OUR BABY the whole time, which again during those first few weeks I’m not comfortable with giving up our time with baby for other people 24/7.”

The frustrated expecting mum says she’s fine with family visiting, as long the time is limited and she feels comfortable enough for visitors.

“I’m happy to have people over for a few hours, ESPECIALLY parents and grandparents. My parents will come to meet baby, but they will come when they’re invited and go home after. I’m fine with his family coming to the area and staying in a hotel – but not ok with them coming over ALL day EVERY day while they’re here. They can visit just like other family members, and like my parents will do.

“Not to mention that my mum already said when she comes, she’ll say hi to baby and then cook/clean/do laundry – she’s coming to help and to support us in bonding with our child by taking loads off of our shoulders, not just to hog baby.

“My husband says I’m the a**hole because it’s unfair that his fam should pay for a hotel and not even be able to spend the whole visit with baby.”

“He says it’s not fair that my family will get to meet baby sooner. His fam CHOSE to move six hours away. I have no issue with them coming to meet baby, but I’m not comfortable hosting people in our home, being present for my healing time after labor, disrupting our bonding time and disrupting our routine within those first two weeks.

“I want his family to come visit and meet baby, but they can do it like everybody else does – they don’t get special treatment and they don’t get the right to make me uncomfortable after giving birth just because they decided to leave their son.

“I get how it might sound selfish, but this is our first child and I’m GIVING BIRTH so I’m conflicted.”

Do you think this expecting mum is doing anything wrong? Let us know in the comments below.

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40 Comments

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 21 Nov 2022
    8:53 pm
They shouldn’t be to pushy .its the new parents decisions

- - mom80165 said
  - 02 Nov 2022
    2:16 am
I think it is quite rude that they want to come and stay as this is your first baby so it is when you have to get into a routine and not have them there. Your husband is the arsole for not supporting you and asking them to wait a few weeks till your up to having visitors. Sounds like it is going to be a rift with them and you as your husband will be on there side to stay.

- - mom461384 said
  - 31 Oct 2022
    1:57 pm
This is not ideal for you as a family to be able to settle in and find yourselves comfortable as a family. Maybe once bubs is a few months old they can stay for a week or so… Let yourselves be parents and a family first before other family is brought in to disrupt life.

- - Lividanke said
  - 25 Oct 2022
    2:23 pm
I agree with you, I wouldn’t want guests staying at my place after giving birth either.

- - ashna9 said
  - 24 Sep 2022
    8:54 pm
Could they visit and stay at a different time, when the baby is say 3-4 months old and just make this one a quicker visit? Or stay in a hotel or holiday house?

- - tessie said
  - 16 Aug 2022
    1:15 am
This is time for you and your husband to bond with baby so I agree they should visit during times that you are happy with and they should stay elsewhere. To me it’s rude of them to ask to stay at your home just after you’ve given birth.

- - mom111059 said
  - 11 Aug 2022
    10:26 am
It certainly is an emotional time. If your inlaws are understanding they will stay elsewhere, if not then be kind to them and trust they are not judging you. The husband needs to be strong and support his wife.

- - mom485263 said
  - 08 Aug 2022
    5:00 pm
You in-laws should stay else where while visiting. You don’t need that pressure to be on show etc. in the first month of bubs being born. You need your husbands support on this decision.

- - mom160270 said
  - 07 Aug 2022
    6:34 pm
This can be one of the best or worst things you can do. Do what you feel is right for you.

- - mom101628 said
  - 07 Aug 2022
    12:51 am
Stick to your guns and don’t have them living with you straight after the baby is born. Your husband should be more supportive of you and he will find he won’t want them in his house when he has been up at 2am a few days in a row because the baby has been screaming for a feed. You could of course tell them that you would expect them to help you out in the house just like your mum did with cleaning the house, doing the washing and cooking the food for all of you – that might put them off a bit. Good luck with it all.

- - Forgetful Mumma said
  - 05 Aug 2022
    11:38 pm
My inlaws stayed in our living room prior to and after the birth of my first child. They even complained about me feeding my baby in my bedroom as I was keeping the baby from them deliberately (feedings took hours). They said I could put a blanket over the baby if I was shy. My husband (as he does in the moment) agreed with them, we argued a lot! They came and stayed with baby two also. COVID kept them away when I had baby three and honestly I bonded better with that baby and healed so much quicker also. My FIL passing when I was pregnant with baby number four was what stopped my MIL from coming. I do feel for you, and your husband needs to find alternative accommodation for his family. Can they possibly stay with your family?

- - mom450498 said
  - 05 Aug 2022
    8:28 pm
Not unreasonable at all. The husband and his parents need to be extra understanding because it’s the wife who is going through the most physical changes. Post partum blues is real! It is such a difficult time of transition.

- - Danicastefanie said
  - 05 Aug 2022
    3:16 pm
Nope. We lived with my husbands parents when my first was born. It’s too much, you’ll want that time alone to bond as a family.

- - cassy26 said
  - 05 Aug 2022
    11:11 am
Nope definitely not doing anything wrong. I wouldn’t want anyone staying with me in the first month after giving birth either. If the inlaws insist on staying with them maybe they could wait until after the first month to do so? Otherwise they need to find alternate accommodation.

- - MumofOne said
  - 04 Aug 2022
    11:48 pm
Eleventy hundred percent agree that the first 4 weeks are for immediate family to bond with bub and for mum to recover. I would never agree to having family or anyone stay in my home post birth.

Hope you stand your ground, mama.