The mum says her 11-year-old daughter is still co-sleeping in their bed most nights and admits that the whole situation is starting to test her patience.

A frustrated mum has posted on Mumsnet to ask if she is being unreasonable to put a stop to her 11-year-old daughter sleeping in bed with her and her husband.

The mum says that her daughter has been co-sleeping with them most nights from the time she was a baby, but admits that it is starting to put a strain on her marriage.

Three’s A Crowd

As their daughter has grown up, the couple says that three quickly started to become a crowd, and they expected her to gradually give up the habit.

“She’s a confident, popular child who is happy in the daytime, but almost every single night she asks if she can sleep in my bed,” the mum wrote. “My husband can’t cope with her in there too as there is no room…she’s tall!”

The mum says that her husband is often forced to sleep in his daughter’s bed so she can continue co-sleeping which is starting to cause issues within the family.

“I don’t mind sleeping with my daughter but she’s getting older now and my husband shouldn’t feel like he’s being kicked out of his own bed!”

Grow Up

Comments on the mum’s post sympathised with her situation but said that it was important to be firm and set boundaries.

“Just keep saying no,” one parent wrote. “She’ll give up eventually!”

“You are the parent here,” another said. “Children don’t call the shots or they will grow up thinking they can behave any way they want. You’re not doing her any favours at all.”

Other comments pointed out that there may be an underlying issue contributing to the problem that needs to be addressed.

“I would want to know the reason why she still wants to be in there,” one said. “Sit her down and ask her calmly why she wants to be in with you all the time, there might be things going on that need figuring out.”

We really feel for these parents. Co-sleeping can be a challenge even when children are young, so we can only imagine what sharing your bed with a pre-teen must be like. Here’s hoping the family can get to the bottom of the issue.

What age do you think children should stop co-sleeping with their parents? Let us know in the comments.

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  • Everyone is different and there is no right and wrong with this.
    For me ….I am someone who needs their sleep so having a child sleep in the bed with me was a big NO. My Gran always said “Start as you mean to go on” and that has been the best the very best advice. My kids would sleep with me if they were sick and that was pretty much the only time.


  • I don’t think there is a specific age. Some never cosleep and some do for a variety of reasons but I think if your child is 11 and it’s damaging to your relationship seek help from a sleep professional to resolve the situation.


  • I never let our boys sleep with us but for this Mum if NO doesn’t work just tell your daughter if she wants to sleep in the room with you there will be strict rules. First put a sheet on your floor with a pillow and a blanket and let her know that is where she will have to sleep from now on. Hopefully this will work and she will start sleeping in her own room. Will keep my fingers crossed that you find a solution soon


  • Our child never co-slept with us. We set boundaries early on and he was in the room next to us. This situation is damaging to the marriage – the relationship that existed first and led to this child being born. It’s not okay and disrespectful of the husband/dad’s role in the family. Set boundaries. You are the parent. Does this mean the child can’t do sleepovers? Could raise other issues.


  • It’s one thing if its every now and then but if it’s all the time you may need to investigate any underlying issues ie. fear etc.


  • I’m not a Co sleeper but an 11 year old just seems crazy lol


  • Solution (as a transitional way) get one of those bunk beds with double at the bottom and single at the top and make it special for her, after a few months they can put it in another room have one parent on the bottom for a bit then they can sneak back to the master bedroom and eventually she will get used to it. After all as parents we are responsible for making our kids feel safe and loved, so dealing with it in stages makes it easier.


  • maybe she needs a big bed like yours? But that is crazy, she is 11 and unless there has been some sort of fear or trauma I can’t see why she needs to be in there


  • The child is supposed to do what the parent says, not the other way around. Just say no and enforce it – even if you have to lock your bedroom door.


  • It’s a tough situation to be in. We enjoy co sleeping with my daughter – for now and probably for a long time to come. But I can understand where the partner isn’t keen on it. I can imagine that for children, co sleeping provides comfort and security. Why would they want to move out of a cocoon of warmth and love?


  • We never co slept so it’s hard to comment on an appropriate age


  • I think its important to find out if there are other problems. I don’t have a problem with co-sleeping regardless of age as if you go back centuries all families grandparents included would be in the same bed. However each to their own, usually the child will determine when they are ready to sleep alone. It sounds like some insecurities are going on. Good luck.


  • I’ve just moved my kid to his own bed. 4 years was enough for me :)


  • There is not enough information in the article to know the possible reasons for the co sleeping.


  • When they are younger. Not pre-teen. Every once in a blue moon as my girls got older they hoped into bed with me and needed some motherly comfort :), I didn’t mind.


  • Oh god no. I couldn’t do this. Every now and then yeah sure ok but not every night. I completely understand where your husband is coming from. I think it might be time for some tough love and boundaries to be set. Maybe do a make over in her room so she wants to be in there


  • Eleven is too old to still be co-sleeping. I hope they can solve this easily.


  • Sounds like there’s something underlying as 11 is pretty old. I would think co-sleeping would stop at toddler age and really only be there for bad dreams, sickness or something similar (yeah I know there’s often ‘similar’ going on), but when one parent needs to sleep elsewhere it shouldn’t be happening. No doubt easier said than done.


  • Depending on the situation I think 11yrs is too old to co-sleep.
    My friend however is a single mum and has a close relationship with her one and only daughter. They often still share the bed and her daughter just turned 15yrs old. I don’t see much wrong with that, although I wonder if it’s so good for the development of the daughters independancy (you may create dependancy).


  • Perhaps her child is just more sensitive or never known what its like to sleep alone, never ok to assume the child just has issues


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