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I have never been so hurt and upset in my life but after running into MIL getting groceries things changed. Things started off normal – with the usual hey what are the boys doing etc this lasted for the first few seconds she then asked if it would still be ok for her to visit boys once she was done shopping. Told her yes they were outside and waiting for her to visit (organised day prior with her son that she’d ring after work and call over). She proudly exclaimed oh look I even have it written down ‘see boys after work’. I understand people follow to do lists and have lists for groceries but I’m wild that it’s like a chore to see the kids. my partner even seemed to find this hurtful when I mentioned it to him. Please tell me my MIL isn’t the only one like this?


Posted by flicky84, 11th June 2013


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  • I can see where you are coming from!! BUT some people need to rely on lists, organizers ect… Goodness knows if I didn’t have things written down, I would completely forget about them, and yes, even important things…
    But no matter what, you should be glad that she wants to be in your kids lives ect… Some people don’t get that luxury…

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  • maybe she just wanted to spend time with them and didn’t want to clutter her head as she was so busy. it’s nice that she thought your kids were important enough to remember. she could be like my m-i-l who would rather drink instead of anything and we have given up on trying to get her to watch the kids because she will get soooo drunk beforehand and be staggering and slurring….one time she tried to convince us that she was fine and she had my one year old in her arms and went to sit down and fell backwards into the wall…..

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  • Not sure about this one. People make lists for all sorts of reasons.

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  • I didn’t have to deal with this fortunately.

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  • i dont remember much :)

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  • My Dad has always been a list writer as he has a shocking memory. My memory’s fine, but I’m a big procrastinator and like to make lists for the satisfaction of crossing things off. I even write the good things on there so that when I’ve crossed all the other things off I get a little buzz out of seeing only the fun thing left. Having the reward on my to do list motivates me to finish the tasks I’m less excited about. Maybe your MIL is like that too?

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  • My mum puts in in her diary as a reminder as she is starting to forget these things and needs to see it in writing and she puts everything in it! so for me I dont take it personally as I know she will just get side tracked and could forget! not that seeing us is not important to her.

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  • Dont be upset! I list EVERYTHING from shopping to birthday parties as I have a shocking memory. Someone will ask me to do something on a certain day/time, and I will check my calender, because otherwise I can’t think of anything I have on, say yes, and THEN remember I had another commitment! Maybe your MIL is like me!

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  • MIL can sometimes come across as distant…I felt this way and asked why…she was shocked but said she didn’t want to come across as pushy as I had my Mum and sisters around all the time, I heard a saying once, you have a daughter for life, a son till he takes a wife. Its a tricky relationship.

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  • I understand why you feel you need a rant after that, I’d be ticked off to! Surely you don’t need a reminder to visit your grandchildren!

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  • I can understand your frustration and anger.
    But maybe she put it on a list – as its important to her. Not because it was a chore.
    Dont be too upset, there are many grandparents that dont bother seeing their grandchild at all.
    I hope thats all it is and you can start feeling a little better :)

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