So, my daughter boyfriend is visiting. I’m in a flurry. I am upset with him and want to say something to him, but I’m not sure I should. The problem involves and will affect me, but I’m not sure if I should say something or if I should let them sort it out. I have a track record of over stepping my boudaries concerning my kids partners, all on behalf of and in the best interest of my kids. But I know there comes a time I need to back off on sone things. So confusing :/ Ah, well, here he is. Wish me well :)

Posted by mom81879, 20th November 2015

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  • oh hope you had a good chrissie after all! roll with it, chill and it’ll all work out. maybe just say something quietley to your daughter.


  • They look quite unreasonable. Somehow you will have to deal with the situation this year, but maybe it would be helpful, in the future, to put some “rules”. Like one year with his family, one year with yours. And hopefully your daughter will be able to talk to him about the best way to deal with this situation.


  • No, she’s in no physical danger, no way would I not intervene in that situation! At the moment, it’s Xmas. His family have booked the 2 of them in for lunch without consulting them. And the only real family that will be there is his sister and niece, the rest are his sisters in laws and their friends etc. My daughter is trying to work it out so everyone gets seen on the big day, trying to make everyone happy, but the boyfriend and his sister won’t budge. He won’t back out if the lunch cos he wants it, my daughter doesn’t. His sister has said if he doesn’t visit her, she won’t bother visiting him. It’s all about him and his sister and what they want. Everyone else has to make the effort to work around that. My daughter has suggested they visit the sister early in the morn, open presents etc. Sister goes off for lunch and daughter/boyfriend spend the rest of the day together (he’s interstate at the moment and only over for a month so she wants to maximise their time together) then see us in the evening. Hubby is working during the day,no this suits us. But boyfriend won’t bend

    • Appears to be unfair, it needs to be shared evenly and there needs to be a system in place to see everyone and to take turns.


  • If your daughter is at any risk then as a mum step in and act. If it is not, then wait and sit down and discuss situations tactfully and respectfully with your daughter. It can be difficult as mums’ we just want to protect our children regardless of their age, but we have to respect them as adults and we have to respect their choices, unless their choices cause harm to themselves or others. Without knowing the situation, good luck and hope the visit is a good one.


  • From my point of view – as someone who has visited home with boyfriend whilst living interstate – best to keep to yourself and not overstep the mark. Don’t talk to him direct, discuss with you daughter over the phone after they have returned to where they live. If you discuss with him direct, you will damage your relationship with your daughter and hurt their relationship too. There is a time and place for discussing things tactfully with your daughter, and thats not in your house when they are staying with you.


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