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Article Toilet training – the ins and outs

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Where to start?

Has toilet training turned into a science over the past few years? When I had my first son nearly 13 years ago there was not much chatter around and at mothers group it was only mentioned in passing that we were starting. It now seems so much emphasis is placed on it with parents seeing it as a reflection of their performance as a parent. However, achieving toilet training early is not a measure of success and ultimately the key to success will depend on each childʼs individual readiness.

I have broken it down into what I hear from my clients as being the big issues in order to cover all areas.

Young vs old

What is the right age I am often asked? As mentioned above it is so dependent upon the individual readiness of each child. No age is right or wrong however I will note that prior to 12 months they don’t have the ability to regulate their urination. Consideration also needs to be given regarding what else is going on in your home and family life. It takes time and patience at whatever age. If your home life or routines are disrupted then it might be best to wait.

Showing signs of readiness is paramount to success. These can include your child:

  • telling you they have done a wee or poo
  • not wanting to be in a wet or dirty nappy
  • paying a real interest when you go to the toilet
  • wanting to wear “big girl ” or “big boy” undies
  • happily sitting on the toilet or potty to try
  • showing no tears or fears about the whole subject
  • showing ability to be independent in pulling up and down their own pants -staying dry for longer periods during the day
  • being able to follow simple instructions

Some children are ready between 18 and 24 months. However, as there is no prescribed age there is a wide age group being toilet trained. For us we waited and our first child was 3yrs and 3 months. It took 3 days and only a handful of accidents. With our twins we just left it until they were really ready. For him that meant just before they turned 3 and for her just after their birthday. Only a handful of accidents each over that first month or so. For us it was quite an easy process being older.

Potty vs toilet

Totally an individual choice for your family. Again no right or wrong answer- sometimes it is just about the practicalities. All of our 3 went straight to toilets with no steps or any attachments etc. We kept a potty in the boot of my car for the

twins for those “just in case” moments. Also great for the nights when we go camping!

Undies vs pull-ups

For us it was straight into undies for a few reasons. Pull-ups to me and all our kids were still nappies as well as there being a cost factor to consider. There was definitely a bit more washing however initially I just had cheap undies in case I needed to throw them away. I believe it is a much quicker process in undies as in pull-ups they don’t feel the consequences of an accident unlike undies. Again though do what is right for your family. We had friends who used pull-ups and found them to be a great transition item, potentially preventing lots of cleaning up and messy situations.

Rewards

I know some parents use a sticker chart as a reward system for when their child successfully uses the toilet or potty. This works for some and not others, so find what your child responds to then go with it. The main aim is to not get cross or make a huge deal of accidents. This can sometimes cause the child to be anxious or concerned about toilet training, creating issues for many children in my experience.

Summer vs winter

The notion I hear a lot is that parents are going to wait until the warmer weather until they start toilet training. Personally I feel it should be started when your child is ready not in 5 months when summer hits for example. I can see the reasoning behind these thoughts, however we don’t want to miss their signs and cues of being ready.

A few final points to consider include:

  • always praise your child for using the toilet or potty but no yelling or fussing about an accident.
  • always carry a spare change of clothes in your bag or in the car
  • a little tip I saw in action. Carry a nappy for times when toilets are not

available. I was in a line at a factory sale where there were no toilets. A mum in front of me had a baby in a stroller and a 3 yr old who needed to do a wee. Mum took a nappy out of her bag, bent down to the little girl who pulled her undies down to her knees, mum held the nappy between her legs and the little girl did her wee and no one was aware of anything. A great tip for those times where there is no toilet or they are so dirty you don’t want to use them.

  • don’t restrict fluids at anytime under normal conditions as it has the potential to cause a urinary tract infection quite a common condition in little girls. Characterized by stinging, frequency of urination, stomach pain and even vomiting.
  • ensure they have lots of fibre and water while toilet training is vital. The last thing you want is constipation that causes pain as this then creates fear and exacerbates the problem.

Don’t try and make the process difficult by overcomplicating it, just watch each child and look for his or her own signs of readiness. Whatever your family does is right and suits you at the time. Please do not judge others for their choices and just focus on our own situation. Take the pressure off other parents. We place enough on ourselves.

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Comments

  • The joy of toilet training

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  • It is always important to remember that every child is different and children aren’t text book kids, some do things later than others, but it doesn’t mean that one is any more clever than the other either.

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  • Both my children were nearly three before I would call them toilet-trained. Both nannas kept nagging that they should have been trained by 18 months. It took longer, but they were ready and accidents were avoided. No use pressuring the kids or the parents. It will happen!

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  • Good read and interesting comments and opinions

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  • Kids go when they are ready. Its not really that hard, just be constant with what you do. There is so many tips these days it just makes it confusing

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  • Great tips my son just 3 is showing an interest but is really just teasing me at the moment. He will sit there but won’t do anything yet.

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  • Baah, why does it always have to be so complicated.

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  • All children are different. Thanks for the tips.

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  • all kids are different, patience and understanding helps, boys take longer than girls, main thing is not to stress, you will get there.

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  • Very much down to the child…we were lucky Miss 3 took care of her own training when just 2 and haven’t looked back!

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  • An interesting read thanks for sharing

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  • Thank you for the useful tips 🙂

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  • Great article. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing

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  • This is really good to know as I am going to start my twins on their toilet training when they turn 2 next month

    • My eldest daughter went from nappies straight to undies without using pull-ups as I thought the same as you

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  • So my first born son was 3.5 or so when he was toilet trained, and it was only a couple of days before he was completely without accident. My oldest twin was around the same age, took a bit longer and still every now and then has the occasionally accident- maybe it’s because he’s so busy, youngest twin is nearly 4 and still in pull ups. I have waited with all 3 boys for them to be ready, but the youngest just shows no interest in keeping it up. He wears pulls up, while he’s at home with me he won’t go to the toilet (except for the odd occasion), if we go shopping he will go to the toilet and now at daycare he uses the toilet but still has accidents. I don’t know what to do with him anymore, I don’t want to send him to kinder in nappies but I have no choice at the moment! Do I continue with whatever is going on now or is there something else I can try to get him to want to go, he doesn’t even care if he’s wet or dirty he would rather just keep playing and most of the time he won’t tell me he’s gone to the toilet in his nappy. It would not bother me if he only did wee on the toilet and poo in his nappy, but he just doesn’t even try. Any extra tips for a stubborn child!?

    • Read up on sneaky poo and constipation just in case there’s an underlying problem. My daughter was the same – so much better when out and about so I thought she was just being either stubborn or lazy at home. But then I read about this condition and realised she had a problem. We were out and about in the mornings usually and her accidents happened mostly in the afternoon onwards. Turns out it wasn’t her not trying, but a build up in her system that caused overflow because of the pressure. Some kids are reluctant for a variety of reasons, but talk to your GP if you have any concerns just in case. We started my daughter in pants around 3 … she’s starting school this week and it’s still not completely under control. Good luck!

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  • As you say ever child is different, but why would 8 year old twins come home from school and be allowed to put a nappy on each other so they could do their poos that way?

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  • I agree my 2yr old showed all the signs she will tell us when she needs to wee and off to the toilet she goes still sleeps in nappys but we are letting her tell us when she is ready. No stressful at all

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  • totally agree if is different with each child especially between girls and boys

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  • Great article, very informative. It will come in handy for my little girl.

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  • A lot of useful information and tips

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