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Parents forced to send their children back into care have spoken of the emotional turmoil which led to their heartbreaking decision.

Despite thousands of youngsters successfully being taken in by families there are some who are sent back into care by parents who feel they can’t cope.

Social services warned one father that the boy he was adopting could be difficult but he wasn’t prepared for the violent outbreaks, shares The Mirror.

Rob, not his real name, said the boy aged four or five was “violent towards my wife.”

He added: “She got kicked and thumped. There was quite a lot of emotional abuse to her as well.

“My wife now shows the sort of symptoms of someone who’s suffered domestic abuse.”

The couple had children of their own, but decided to adopt three more.

He told the BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire programme that one of them had rejected their affections and attempts to love him.

He also said had the family been given more support, then the situation might have been different – but funding for specialist therapies has been cut.

Rob said he ended up with “quite serious” depression, and almost lost his job because he took a lot of time off work the BBC reported.

Eventually the schoolboy was taken back to care.

Rob said: “For us it felt like failure.

“It felt like letting this kid down. And how can you do that to your own son, whom you really love? It’s heartbreaking.”

“We had such high hopes for what we could give,” he said.

“And the saddest bit is that we gave everything we had, but the people we thought were going to back us up just weren’t there.”

Prof Selwyn said children who were older when they were placed with a new family were far more likely to suffer disruptions.

“It’s whether they want to be adopted when they’re older and how long they’ve been exposed to adversity in their lives,” she said.

“What they’ve often learnt is that adults aren’t very caring and that adults can’t meet their needs, so they find it hard to trust new parents.”

With more support these children could be given such better chances.

Share your comments below.

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  • Terrible for the family and the child. My heart goes out to them all.

    Reply

  • How horrible for that little boy. Just one more rejection for him to deal with. Not good for the parents either. They really need more funding for this type of thing

    Reply

  • Very sad and heartbreaking indeed.
    However I don’t think it’s wise to jump into adoption when you haven’t had a child first for a while in care and see how you and our family system is responding. In this case social services warned the couple and they should have taken that serious. The fact they didn’t is harmful to the child they adopted and their own family.
    We have 2 sisters in permanent care (under Victorian court) and will hopefully their legal guardians this year. The youngest has Down Syndrome and we have her since she was 5 weeks old. The older sister is 6 yr (nearly 7) old and we have her in care since she was 4 years old. The older girl shows more behavior problems and she steals and lies a lot.
    Besides them we take regularly children in short term or emergency care. We always look carefully to the kids we take along to make sure we can handle it as a family.

    Reply

  • We have a family members children in our care aged 5 and 2, we have had many difficulties over the past 2 years but services promised when initially taking on care of the children have been denied. Just recently all funding has been cut, we were originally promised we would receive financial support till the boys reach 16 years or leave our care. It really does make it hard to get by day to day without taking a mental toll on all involved without the proper support available. I really feel for these people.

    Reply

  • It sounds as though this child needs urgent counselling. He obviously has problems that possibly needed addressing prior to being cared for by this family. It seems their requests for help were denied. It is extremely difficult to observe a parent being threatened or bashed by a child. A child who does that often has mental problems caused by various circumstances and needs to see a professional to get to the root of the problem. These parents would have had no idea what this stemmed from, therefore what appropriate methods to use to help the young boy. Different conditions need a different variety of methods of coping. Without that advise how do the parents know what way to handle the child’s and their own situation. Often a child shows very disturbing behaviour – even self harm or threats of suicide before they get the help they need and I personally know of a couple of cases of this.

    Reply

  • It sounds as though this child needs urgent counselling. He obviously has problems that possibly needed addressing prior to being cared for by this family. It seems their requests for help were denied. It is extremely difficult to observe a parent being threatened or bashed by a child. A child who does that often has mental problems caused by various circumstances and needs to see a professional to get to the root of the problem. These parents would have had no idea what this stemmed from, therefore what appropriate methods to use to help the young boy. Different conditions need a different variety of methods of coping. Without that advise how do the parents know what way to handle the child’s and their own situation. Often a child shows very disturbing behaviour – even self harm or threats of suicide before they get the help they need and I personally know of a couple of caes of this.

    Reply

  • It sounds like they did the best they could do and it just didn’t work out for every-one.

    Reply

  • how sad for all involved, we need more services to help!

    Reply

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