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When you’ve been waiting for a big fat positive pregnancy test, it’s pretty understandable to want to shout the amazing news from the rooftops. But the moment can be bittersweet if friends are struggling with infertility.

A mum-to-be has an upcoming trip with a group of friends, and it seems like the perfect time to share her happy news. But there’s one couple who are openly dealing with infertility, and it’s left the expecting mum second-guessing her pregnancy announcement.

“The trip is coming up in a couple of weeks and I’ll be about 12 weeks and it’s a perfect opportunity to tell our friends that we’re expecting our first,” she reveals on reddit.

“A chunk of us don’t live nearby anymore. I’m hesitant because one couple struggles with infertility. Out of everyone in the group going, we’re not super close to them. Social media/small talk but not on a regular talking basis. However she’s been open about them struggling to conceive and I want to respect that and avoid doing anything that would hurt them.”

‘My husband doesn’t think it’s an issue’

While the expecting mum’s husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal, she’s far more in tune with how hurtful the pregnancy announcement could be. “As a woman and as someone who has read her posts about fertility struggles, I just want to be kind.”

After weighing up the answers from redditors, the mum-to-be decided her best course of action is to quietly let the couple know before the trip.

“We have a chance to tell two couples early in person. Going to talk with my husband tonight about doing that. Then prior to the trip messaging the one couple struggling about telling our last friend couple in person while we are there. Give her a heads up about a week in advance and hope I don’t make it too weird.

“While it’s exciting news the hype doesn’t need to be present at the expense of someone else. And even though I’m excited about my crotch gremlin, I do just want a fun weekend with friends that doesn’t circulate around how large I’m going to get.”

What would you do in the same situation? Let us know in the comments.

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  • I think it’s very understanding of you to want to give them the news privately. It gives them the chance to process before the trip. I can tell from your thoughts that you’re a very caring person. Congratulations to you both.

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  • I’ve been in this situation. I think it shows how much of a beautiful soul you are to not just see it as “I get to be happy and they deal with their own emotions however” kind of deal. It shows how you are being sensitive to their struggles of conceiving a child.
    I remember this with my 1st and remember telling a really good friend the news over msn. I was excited and scared but also wanted to be sensitive to her thoughts & feelings too.
    Even when DD#2 came along, I was still respectful of her emotions and understood if she needed time away or not follow the feed.
    Good on you mumma ! <3

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  • Just be honest. Telling them prior is a sensitive way to break the news.

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  • I would tell them.I know it will hard for them.But they will make it one day.

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  • Great idea telling them before. The couple having problems will still be happy about the good news

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  • I would tell them how re ver I felt most comfortable doing so my news is my news and their reaction to it is their own responsibility. Just because someone has had issues with getting pregnant doesn’t mean someone who is pregnant can’t be happy about their own news.

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  • Telling her in person before the the girls weekend sounds like the best option. I think she would prefer you to be honest.

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  • If they’re truly your friends they will be happy for you no matter what, even if it’s hard.

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  • It would be so hard. I fell pregnant not long after my sister miscarried. I was 4 months pregnant before I told people I was pregnant, I was in denial to myself too. So I know how she’s feeling

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  • This happened to me with my first as my friend had been trying for years. I finally told her on her own, she said she was happy for me but when my son was born she didnt come near me like she used to

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  • I struggled for many years with fertility. I just accepted that others have an easy time and I didn’t. Personally I didn’t tell anyone outside of immediate family. When you develop a bump they will figure it out. Funny thing though, I didn’t show until 5 1/2 months and had a preterm birth but about 4 weeks so for some I had like the worlds shortest pregnancy…LOL.

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  • Quietly, separately and honestly. You must tell her. You must do it privately, not in front of others. And you must understand that she will be upset but happy for you – a lot of mixed emotions.

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  • As the person struggling with fertility issues and a mum of angels, I would appreciate being told before hand so I could have time to process it, have my cry and accept it. It’s nothing personal, I wouldn’t be mad that they were pregnant but I would be sad for me not being pregnant. It’s hard being on both sides.

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  • I went through a similar situation as my sister has 6 angel babies and is going through infertility. I told her at 12 weeks. She was initially angry, hurt, confused, overwhelmed, bitter and that’s OK. We are very close so she was honest.

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  • Be open and honest and gentle. It’s hard, I’ve been on both sides of this fence but don’t hide your excitement because you don’t want want hurt others

    Reply

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