The father of baby is not my husband, de-facto or boyfriend. We agreed early on we were better friends than a couple. It seemed silly to try and make things work and end up miserable like our own parents. We had seen first hand what dysfunctional relationships looked like. It was never fun for children, so why repeat that with our own?
We both want to set a good example and I realised we could do if we worked together to raise our child as committed and united parents. It could be achieved, yes, it’s hard being a single parent but I am not a solo parent. I have someone else, my baby’s father to rely on. I guess I feel lucky in that sense. He is supportive and loving towards the baby. He actively wants to be involved and we are currently working on a parenting plan with a counsellor to decide how to raise our child as co parents in the future. So far we have come to the decision that we want custody to be split evenly. There is to be no calling a step parent mum or dad. HE is dad and I am mum. No bringing new boyfriends or girlfriends home unless it is truly serious. I would like any new relationship to be at least a year old before any introductions are made but I’ll see what my co parent thinks. We have a long way to go but we both want the best for our child and the best is for us not to be a couple. We want to be functional, grounded parents to our child. We want our child to grow up with good examples and be a functional, rational adult.
Talking over things calmly has helped, seeking individual and couple counselling has also helped. The parenting plan and talks about how to raise our child are going a long way in keeping our co parenting relationship friendly. I appreciate that my baby’s father is a great support and that he and I can treat each other with respect and a mutual love of a person we created together. I know some men and women aren’t so lucky. I think baby to my idol Judge Judy though. Her advice when it comes to tackling co parenting is coming in handy. She says “love your kids more than you hate your ex-spouse” Despite never having married my child’s father, I feel this is applicable to me. I have to love my baby more than I hate my co parent. It’s good we never hated each other. It just didn’t work. However, I love my baby and I want my baby to have a loving care father. The baby does. I made the right choice for my situation and I feel for all women whose exes want zero contact with the children they helped make. I thank my luck for providing me with a good co parent and friend.
Thank you for being there for your child and me, and for loving your child more than you could ever hate me.
Posted anonymously, 8th May 2015