While that positive result is very exciting news, it can often leave women feeling guilty for loved ones who haven’t been so blessed.
We recently shared a piece from eightathome on how guilty she felt after falling pregnant with her sixth baby without even trying.
Feeling guilty for friends who didn’t fall pregnant as easily, Krechelle admitted “I just wanted to slot this baby in and maybe no one would notice”.
She explained that after days of dealing with these emotions on her own, she reached out to a beautiful friend that had been trying for three years and it turned out she was so excited for them. Krechelle then realized something; this baby deserved to be celebrated just like all the rest. She didn’t do anything wrong. She was excited, and her husband was actually amused.
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Off the back of this story, we wondered how many other women also felt guilty when they were able to fall pregnant without having to try very hard. So we put a call out to the MoM community and the response was overwhelming. It seems it’s a common theme …
“I’m 27 and my husband is 33. We were together for 8 years before we decided to start trying to have a baby. I went off the Pill in November 2015, had a period in December and fell pregnant in late December 2015/early January 2016. I gave birth to our baby boy, Toby, in August last year (he was 7 weeks early so spent a couple of weeks in the NICU but he’s now a healthy and happy 8mo).
I knew I was pregnant from about 5 weeks. I missed a period and my breasts were so sore and I went up a cup size overnight (I felt like it was overnight anyway!). I did a test at home and it was positive and I did two more tests the following days to make sure I really was pregnant. I saw my GP, had a blood test and a dating scan at 6 weeks and there was definitely a baby in there!
My husband works away so I waited until he was home before telling him. It was a big shock to both of us but certainly a very happy and welcome one. My husband was a bit speechless but he quickly found his voice and we were both really happy and excited.
I had thought, for a few reasons, that I would have difficulty in falling pregnant. My mum went through a lot of fertility issues before having me and my two younger siblings so in the back of my mind, I didn’t know if it would effect me similarly or not. I also have SLE lupus, an autoimmune condition, which can cause fertility issues but I saw my specialist before going off the Pill and she said my lupus is well-managed through medication and I was otherwise very healthy so there was no reason to delay trying for a baby.
We waited until I was 13 weeks to tell our parents and friends and family. Everyone was super excited for us, this baby was the first grandchild for both sides of our families so it was extra special.
It wasn’t hard to tell any family but I had one girlfriend in particular who had just had her third miscarriage (after three failed IVF rounds) so I was really hesitant about how to tell her. I waited until I saw her in person when I was about 16 weeks and told her but I shouldn’t have worried about her reaction being negative because she was really happy for us. We both had a good cry with each other. Not telling her or leaving her out would be the worst thing we could have done I think. Incidentally, she now has a beautiful baby girl of her own.
“To mums who are struggling to conceive, I can’t pretend to know what you are going through” Peta wrote.
I know what it’s like to have serious health issues so I have some understanding from this perspective but I’m lucky enough (so far) to have had an easy time falling pregnant. That being said, I don’t want to say “relax and it will just happen” because I know from friends who have had fertility issues and they hate hearing this! All I can be is a very supportive and honest friend to my friends and family that have had issues or may struggle with conceiving in future.”
Elaina tells MoM …
“I was 36 when I first tried to get pregnant, I anticipated it would take a while, but I fell pregnant straight away. This was extremely overwhelming as I thought I’d have a few months to get used to the idea.
The worst part though, was one of my best friends had been trying to get pregnant for over a year and was now trying IVF, their one and only attempt.
I felt so overwhelmingly guilty that I had fallen pregnant so easily. It caused me so much anguish and anxiety that I lost sleep over having to tell her that I was pregnant. I knew she would be happy for me, but I also knew she’d be heartbroken and I didn’t want to be the one who broke her heart.
It caused me so much anxiety that I didn’t tell anyone that I was pregnant until I was 17 weeks and couldn’t hide it anymore. I couldn’t enjoy my pregnancy because I felt so much guilt and knew there was an element of resentment there, even though she never showed it to me.”
Lettina shared with us that she expected it to take a long time with her second child after a battle to conceive with their first. To her surprise, they were successful first go.
Letinna explains, “I initially felt absolutely thrilled …
but that thrill turned to guilt. I felt guilty for my son and I felt guilty for my friends who had also struggled, and for those that continue to do so.
I believed that I was not meant to have kids and now here I am, currently 34 weeks along with my second. I felt it was hard to tell my family this time around. Mainly because of the close gap between my son who will be 1.5 years when this bub is due.
My husband and I were under the impression even with being in the ‘extra fertile’ stage, that we would not conceive right away, or at all. Even my doctor was shocked.
My husband was as happy as I was, and is believed to have super sperm. Haha! That is yet to be confirmed. He has tickets on himself.
I have since had friends who have their own fertility issues speak with me about my adventure into motherhood. I know the dark roads that adventure can take you on.
This may not be great news to many women struggling with infertility. But even initially with our 5% chance, the odds can be beaten. I now feel like I have won my fight. We are tough.”
Emily-Rose shares with MoM …
“For me coming off the pill was a decision I was happy to make I was excited, but more nervous than anything! It was the gut wrenching feeling that took over some days that I may be that one that struggles that goes through the pain and suffering of infertility, something I would not wish upon my own worse enemy!
I thought about the “what if” daily? I had only just come off the pill to try and conceive and I was a married woman at a young age of 23 yet I still had these fears. You see all my close friends are older around 7-10 yrs older and I’ve watched some go through heartache and pain with trying to conceive and failing time and time again, thankfully majority of those friends have had their rainbow or miracle.
I was one of those lucky ones though! I got through the month and knowing I was off the pill and having these irrational thoughts I jumped to buy a pregnancy test 4 days before my period was due, it was positive! I ended up going to my regular gp who did a urine test that came back negative, my heart sunk I felt sick that butterfly feeling from excitement now had turned to a pain stabbing anxiety feeling. She had told me not to stress or be upset we will take a blood test and get back to me, I received a phone call the next day to congratulate myself and my husband that we were indeed pregnant from the very first try!
My next thought was how am I going to tell those close to me who aren’t so lucky!
I felt horrible – something I should be happy to express now haunted me, I was cautious of their feelings and afraid to flaunt it. It became easier and those friends were supportive some more than others.
I thank my lucky stars that it was so easy for me for first and the second time, but I also get emotional now too knowing others aren’t so lucky. I want every woman who has that maternal side to experience the joys and sorrows of motherhood because it is truly a beautiful thing, a heart bursting, soul wrapping moment that I will hold onto forever.”
Eve shared …
“I have two beautiful children, and I fell first time trying on both occasions.
I thought I would definitely have trouble in falling, as a sister and many friends were not having any success and it was taking great lengths of time to become pregnant. I thought I was sure to have trouble and even investigated with my health insurance provider to see if I was covered for IVF. My husband had a different attitude, very positive and would say there is no reason to think we wouldn’t fall pregnant easily.
My husband and I got married in March 2011, and we decided we would try from our honeymoon onwards and we couldn’t believe our luck that we fell straight away, on our honeymoon! I was so excited, but also did feel really guilty.
I had a dear close friend who had been trying for some years and also unfortunately lost a number of pregnancies.
All I could think of was her, I felt how it was so unfair for them, how can we strike gold straight away and they struggle cycle after cycle.
I was so nervous for telling her, not for me but for how my words would make her feel. But never did my friend make me feel guilty, she was tremendously supportive and I applaud her courage in doing so. But I can imagine deep down, she would have wished with everything that it was her sharing the news.
I didn’t at all feel ripped off by falling too soon, it was something that was planned and I feel very fortunate that it happened that way. My husband couldn’t believe it, we were both were really shocked, and grateful at the same time.
In speaking to other mums that are trying to conceive, my advice would be just give it a red hot go. But if you are struggling, go seek medical advice, as it could be something really small that could be affecting your ability to conceive. Other than that, I think falling pregnant is such an individual journey and it is completely different for everyone.”
Shonelle also shared her story …
“I was so excited when I found out that I was pregnant and I wanted to tell the world.
We were really shocked at how quickly it happened as I had been taking different forms of contraception for so long and did not think we would fall the first time we tried.
I knew a few people that had had trouble falling but it didn’t really hit home until my co worker (whom I sat next to every day) told me of the struggles he and his wife were having.
They were unable to fall pregnant due to health reasons and had to resort to moving to another country so they could adopt.
I was so heartbroken by their story that I wanted to hide my pregnancy from him to spare him the pain but I was constantly approached by other co workers asking me how I was and making fun of how much I was eating!!
He was very graceful but I could still see the pain in his eyes. Time went quickly and I was on maternity leave before I knew it I just didn’t know what to say to him.”
Amanda shared with the Mom Team that she married in 2006, had her first daughter in 2007, followed by a son in 2009 and another son in 2011.
She and her husband decided to stop at 3 children and Amanda returned to study. She received her Cert 3 in children’s services and began casual work.
Only a short time later, Amanda realised her period was 2 weeks late and she thought it was impossible she could be pregnant again as she had a tubal ligation done two years before.
She took a pregnancy test to put her mind at rest and it came up positive.
“I was in absolute shock. I went to the doctor and organised for an ultrasound because a positive test can also be caused by other serious conditions” Amanda wrote.
The ultrasound showed a gestation sac and everything was where it was supposed to be. Amanda realised she was soon to become a mother of four.
Amanda also told MoM, “I considered that baby a miracle and a blessing. So if you do decide to have tubal ligation done at some time please be aware that there is a 0.5% fail rate. I just never thought I would be in the miniscule percentage. I was told that I am probably just really fertile. At the time I looked to all the positives and the joy that the baby would bring.”
Now to 2017, Amanda said she wouldn’t change a thing. “My daughter arrived on Valentine’s Day 2015 and has brought more love and lots of laughter to our home. I couldn’t imagine life without her. I have now had my tubes removed. After I had my tubes removed the surgeon actually told me the clips were still in tact and still clamped on my tubes. Some people would say I’m unlucky but I would say I am actually very lucky!”
Falling pregnant easily really is a double-edged sword isn’t it? You’re over the moon that you’re on the way with your baby but often you have one or more beautiful people in your World that are desperate to be right where you are. There’s no easy way to break the news. We know that at some level there must be deep feelings of regret on both sides but above all else, everyone is aware that we all have our own journey and they will be happy for you.
Let’s keep the conversation flowing. Have you seen a story like this? Have you been in the same situation? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
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