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April 8, 2018

132 Comments

This is really not an article of interest or any real point of view – IT’S A VENT!  I think I really need to hear from other Mums that my kids are normal and that fighting is part of them growing up.

Because at the moment, I’m slipping into despair over the behaviour of my children and my response to it.  It seems that between the 3 of them, there is always someone crying, whinging, pinching, screaming or skulking off into some corner to figure out what they can do next to drive me even crazier than I already am.

Rationally I know that they are all probably just tired and completely over-egged (chocolate egged that is).  And rationally I know that my response should probably be to pull them to me, hug them tight and understand their issue and help them work through it. Rationally I know that hubby and I need to overemphasize in our ‘positive-modelling’ that fighting is not a solution but with all this fighting it’s hard not to be short and cranky!

But what if I’m tired too?  What if I can’t give them the 100% attention they need/deserve because I have lots of competing priorities?

I just want to know I’m doing the right thing or what I should change and that it’s OK – they’ll turn out just fine.

I also think just quietly I’ve been unnerved by my latest read – Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. A thought-provoking read, very well constructed and written in compelling prose.  But it’s about a kid who had a tumultuous (he was teased mercilessly at school which was not dealt with properly at home) childhood.  As a consequence, he one-day snaps then rocks into his school and shoots it to bits.

Of course, my children are not being teased, they aren’t teenagers and we don’t have guns in the house.  All the same I’m being a typical mother I guess – overanalysing, worrying about what’s happening and what I should be doing to try and control it.  Truth is – there probably is nothing I can do, nothing I should change and the solution is to probably just get everyone into bed early for a week!

So, I went off to find a pic for this article, googled ‘kids fighting’ and ended up finding a great article with some really practical ideas on how to cope.  It takes 2 minutes but well worth the read. Read it here. Phew, maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel …

Main image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • 3 is always an awkward number – there is always someone left out who can’t pair off. But all the fighting when they are children tends to bring them together when they are older. Hope this helps you a bit.

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  • A friend of mine has this issue with her two children who are old enough to knew better, that they should share the item that is being fought about. If they refuse to compromise and come to an agreement after a few minutes I confiscate the item and neither of them have it.

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  • Not up to this problem yet, phew. Just know that as a middle child of three we were always at each other’s throats, plotting, skulking, the whole bit lol. Mum did a divide and conquer thingy, putting us in our rooms, sometimes with projects to occupy us, sometimes with nothing other than our bad moods. I presume we eventually came good, Mum didn’t throttle us and we didn’t throttle each other.

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  • I so needed to hear this right now. I always hear stories from other parents about how much their children love playing with each other that I wonder what I did wrong in my past life to deserve two children to can’t stand being in the same room together some days.

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  • I think most siblings would have a fight now and then.

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  • I often wondered this myself. I did consider something along the lines of familiarity breeds contempt, they spend so much time together, they’ll have to get on each other’s nerves

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  • Impossible to stiop completely but nice if it can be moderated somewhat

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  • Sometimes you just need to walk away from them. Or put them all in time out and while they sit there, play with the toy, eat the food or have whatever it is they are fighting about. You can tell them when they behave better then they wont miss out. It wont kill them to miss out on stuff. and if you have it they know that it’s not coming their way!

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  • That was an interesting article! Thanks for sharing!

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  • That’s funny!

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  • sometimes in my house it feels never ending! I fought like crazy with my brother and i am sure we nearly nagged our mum to death!

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  • I don’t mind our children having debates… when it gets physical, they know they are grounded!

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  • Good luck with your struggle.
    It does get better as they get older.
    My kids fought quite a bit when they were younger but now they are the best of friends.

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  • Seriously I would check ourt what started the fighting. I recently discovered a 8 y.o. girl teaching toddler age brother to slap her across the face and telling every time to do it harder
    I spoke to her and explained why it was wrong to teach him to do that. I also told her Mum about it and she has to give her a better talk about what could happen if she keeps encouraging him and he does it to another girl in a few years time. In the mean time they have to stop him from doing it. He is going to be confused because he gives us the impression that anything his sister teaches him is Ok. and unfortunately a lot of it isn’t. If we stop him from doing something naughty, as soon as she can she whispers in his ear. She doesn’t realise that sometimes one of us manages to lip read and we’re not about to tell her that either. Basically she is telling him that he can do it. He sometimes gives us a confused look so we know what she has definitely done then. She complains that I won’t let her do anything. Yeah! things I know she isn’t allowed to do at home or at the grandparents. It would be irresponsible to let either of the children do what they aren’t allowed to do elsewhere and cause them confusion too.

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  • Like most things, our kids need to be taught how to play together. I think this is something I have come to find out during family counselling sessions. so now we focus on making sure the kids have positive play experiences that we know they can be successful at and give them lots of praise specific to their behaviour so that it reinforces it. Slowly but surely it has helped.

    Reply

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