Some of us are blessed with partners who help out and others who still believe that changing one nappy makes them ‘dad of the decade’. But fathers like Ted Gonder give us faith that there are dads out there that are keen to go the extra mile to give the support their partners need.
Ted, entrepreneur and super-dad of three, recently shared some tips for other dads on his social pages. And we are swooning at his words. Seriously, every dad needs to read these like a bible and then do them!
Ted starts his post with things he wished he’d known before kids.
“I’m now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro,” he says.
“Here’s what I would tell my childless 24 year old self about how to be a supportive partner during the ‘becoming parents’ phase, Ted explains.
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Wow, that’s 3 kids in 5 years – no wonder you’ve learned how to dad so well.
Here are Ted’s top tips:
1. Hold Your Baby
“Wifey carried baby IN her belly for 9 months. So you carry baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get. Not only does it help her recover but it bonds you to your kid more than imaginable.”
2. Change Those Nappies
“Wifey is breastfeeding and–while beautiful and fulfilling for her–it’s exhausting. So you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship; in fact, when all your wife’s friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you.”
3. Make Her Coffee EVERY DAY Even If She Doesn’t Drink It
“Make her the decaf coffee every morning. Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you’re working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby so help start her day in a way that helps her reset.”
4. Lift Her Up Emotionally
“Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self critical and hopeless about her body. Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained 20 kilograms to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time.”
5. Be Her Rock!
“Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre and post birth. She won’t seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn’t say if she didn’t feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she wasn’t, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours.”
He ends with a call-to-action:
“Share with any dads-to-be you think would benefit from reading.” Oh Ted, yes, we will most certainly do that!
His post on facebook has been shared 40,000 times and has received hundreds of comments from thankful mums (although many are encouraging their partners to swap the decaf for a cocktail – haha).
There were even a number of thumbs-up and back-slaps from dads with one saying:
“Great post dude. I’ll tag my wife to read it so she can keep me accountable.”
So mums, print this one out and put it on the fridge, perhaps as a not so subtle reminder of what we would love our partners to do for us.
What do you think of this list? Is there anything that you would add? Tell us in the comments below.
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