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Last year was probably one of the most difficult I’ve experienced in my business. Not because anything terrible happened, but for a while there I lost my way.

One of the things I’m occasionally guilty of is ignoring my gut instinct. This is unusual, because listening to my gut instinct is the very thing that helps me most in the work that I do with my clients. But you know how we sometimes ignore our own great advice? It’s kind of like that.

I allowed myself to be carried away with a vision that wasn’t my own and then suddenly found myself in a place where I was overwhelmed and drained. Deep down I never stopped loving what I do, but I had become sidetracked and my focus wasn’t clear.

It was only when I acknowledged how depleted I felt that I knew it was time to step away and reflect on what really mattered.

I did that – and realised I had some tough decisions to make.

Decisions that, at the time I really wanted to resist.

I’m fascinated by the fact that so many of us settle for choices that make us unhappy. I know there are times that change seems almost impossible, but there is always something we can do to improve our lives if we can move beyond resisting change due to the following barriers:

Worrying about what other people think

This one is huge, particularly for people pleasers like me. As I was running through the options I had last year, the one thing that mattered most to me was my credibility. I help people find their path in life – what does it say about me if I’ve lost my own way?

In the end, I decided that some people would understand and others wouldn’t and ultimately, it didn’t really matter, because what I was doing was unsustainable and I was unhappy. The only responsibility I have in my life is to make sure I do everything I can to live a life that I’m proud of and inspired by, so that I can role model something wonderful to our daughters and be a positive and loving person to be around.

Better the devil you know

We like what we know. We get comfortable, even with the things we don’t like – at least they’re familiar. It’s true that no role, partner or lifestyle choice you make will be absolutely perfect, but at least aim for 7/10 in terms of satisfaction (this is the number Martin Seligman classifies as ‘happy’).

There are no guarantees that you’ll be happier when you make a change, but in the nearly 50 years that I’ve been alive, I can tell you this. I have never regretted any change I’ve made. Some things worked out, others didn’t. And when they didn’t, I just changed again.

I don’t know what I want

This is something I hear often. It’s ok if you’re someone who doesn’t have one clear passion or a clear vision for what you want from your life. Look at that as a positive – you have a beautiful clean canvas and you can paint any picture you like. Begin by just exploring. What are some of the things you love?

I’m not good enough

When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to focus on our shortcomings rather than our strengths. Other people are smarter, funnier, prettier, taller, skinnier, more articulate. The list is endless, particularly when you’re using social media and just seeing the highlights of someone’s life. There will always be people with attributes you don’t have, but focus on your strengths and, as much as you can, look for ways to bring these to life.

I don’t have the energy or the motivation

This happens to all of us from time to time. The difference between the ‘doers’ and the ‘talkers’ of this world is simply that the doers ‘do’ things. Often the energy and the motivation come once we’ve moved beyond procrastination.

So just do one thing today, and then acknowledge yourself as someone who is moving beyond the resistance to change. From my experience, it will work out beautifully in the end.

  • relevant article to so many of us these days

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  • I dislike change immensely. Even going away for a few days,meant handle it. I resist with all my might, I just want things to stay the same

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  • Great! Really interesting article! Thanks for sharing this!

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  • It is so easy to resist change, as correctly stated people like what is comfortable to them, but sometimes life is better with changes. No one in any relationship stays the same, I am a different person now than I was last year, we are always learning and growing. Change is something that is good but is so easy to resist. Hey I even hate that my kids change and have to grow up, sometimes I want them to stay the same age forever.

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  • I’m also a people pleaser and do less ‘doing’ than I would often like. Beautiful article, thank-you. Here’s to making good intentional decisions and giving things a go

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  • Thank you for this article. I too find change difficult but I am trying.

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  • The older I get the less I worry about others and what they think which certainly takes a load off!

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  • Really enjoy those main points, very thought provoking

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  • yeah sometimes change can be better than you thought!

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  • Thanks for sharing this article; I agree with your tips. Change can be scary, but it is very necessary at times. There is growth and learning from change.

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  • I’m slowly but surely not worrying about what other people think, if my family are happy is what counts.

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  • Yea I need to start doing all of it i will get their but I know that it will take time

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  • so many of us have been indoctrinated to believe we do not deserve to be ourselves. It is sometimes very traumatic when you come to realise that. We must live our lives to please us and take the best care of ourselves, we set our own price tag and if we undervalue ourselves we are permitting others to do the same!

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  • Ah when its all written out like that it seems so easy.
    it sounds wonderful but sometimes I believe we have to do what is best for everyone involved in a situation and we can always focus on whats best for us and think that doing that will see good examples for our daughters. I think it would teach my daughters that i felt I was more important then they were. My daughters know that i havent lived the life i would have liked and they know the reasons why and they know that they were always put first. Until my children became adults they came first in every move i made in my life…now they are older it is my turn to focus more on me.
    Im happy and proud of my choice to put them first.

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  • I just go with the flow, do what I want, try anything and everything and don’t care what other people think.

    Reply

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