I remember this AITA post, and I think YTA. The baby might be waking up several times, but I don’t think he will experience sleep deprivation if he gets up once during the night every second night or so. Help out a little. Also, super rough to kick Mil out without a discussion with his wife. He might be right that all she does is be critical, or she could be making a big impact on the wife. Communication is lacking here.

I don’t think he’s in the wrong, but he needs to be sensitive to how his wife is feeling at the moment as she’s probably got a lot of hormones and full of emotions at the moment.

I hope he had a couple of weeks off to start with. It does sound like a lot that he has to be responsible with too. If he isn’t able to get up during the night, maybe he could take the load off by cooking dinner or cleaning etc.

not an easy task. she needs help

Maybe he could help out on Friday/Saturday nights when home but it seems like he is already doing a lot. MIL doesn’t appear to be helping a lot.

Reasonable but should compromise somewhere and help out a little. Newborns aren’t easy for mummas too

Not being unreasonable at all. If you have to work in moalrning and partner doesn’t, then you don’t get up… it’s just the way it has to be. It’s not safe to work with sleep deprivation. Weekends or nights when you don’t work next day, then you share them equally so both get a break.

I personally think you are playing a part by working and providing for your family, and picking up extra duties around the home when not working. I think this is fair and I wouldn’t expect you to constantly help over night. I think your wife might be being a little unreasonable

I think good on him for sticking up for his wife with his MIL, but those constant night time wake ups are hectic. They need to find a middle ground, like on the weekends he helps with the night time wake ups so the wife gets at least one decent sleep a week

If the partner works and your home with the baby it should be up to the mum to get up for midnight feeds as the partner has to go to work to earn the money for the family

Both parents need to take turns and help-out with the child at night, as technically both are working and is the fair thing to do. No working excuse for just one party. Going out should also only be prioritised as a family event, as otherwise this will create double-standards, distance, resentment and burn-out for the one left-out or remainder of family left-out. Family needs to be prioritised here. Boundaries need to be set with most MIL’s, otherwise it usually becomes a much bigger problem down the track.

I think he is being very reasonable as he does help with her two children from a previous relationship and he is doing more than my ex ever did and he never had a job in an area where people could get hurt due to lack of concentration from tiredness. As hard as it is at present, this time will be over very quickly and things will return to something more normal. Stop stressing so much, both of you.

Having a new baby is a blissful experience but also a difficult situation, especially if one parent is needed to work and the other parent is looking after the baby 24/7. Communication is the key here. Also, let MIL know what is expected of her since she offered to help with taking care of the baby. MIL are sometimes hard to get along with as they have their own styles of looking after a child but you just have to be firm and stand your ground.

This is a really tough situation, but I believe he needs to also think of the accidents that can happen at home should his wife be overtired. Driving to the grocery store, lapse of judgement, accident. Whilst during the week he may not be available as often during the midnight feeds, those Friday and Saturday nights he should put in more effort to help out. Also, kicking the mother in law out was bad. He should have instead approached the situation with communication to ensure the MIL understood what her comments do to his wife, and reduce critiscms. The first few weeks/months it all about teamwork – building each other up, having each others backs, not deciding “I do this and you do that”

Firstly…..MIL needs to leave unless she can keep her opinions to herself.

Secondly…. No…you are not being unreasonable. Your wife is not working and as hard as it is getting up during the night its something you know is going to happen when you have a baby. On Friday and Saturday nights make the effort to get up and help but during the week when you need to go to work she needs to allow you to sleep.

I’m a mother of two (7&2). My partner is also in construction and due to his mentally is the type to put in over and above what is asked to ensure his job isn’t in question, as well as working around all kinds of heavy machinery and incompetent personnel.
When we had or first he was in a position where he would be asked to work away from home including interstate (where possible he made sure weekends he was home and only away from Monday morning till Friday afternoon- Friday night home and leave as a normal Monday morning for work).
I did all the broken sleep work and late nights for both kids because I/we couldn’t afford him dropping the ball at work resulting in him being out of work or worse him not coming home because he has concentration due to tiredness.
I have the ability to sleep in with the kids and to nap through the day. If he has been away and have not kept up with what I have wanted to do around the house he would catch up on his one on one time with the kids while I have some time to get at least a little of it done.

As for the husbands interaction with MIL, he gave he an opinion to either drop the criticism and negativity OR leave. MIL could have easily changed her criticisms into suggestions towards her own daughter and instead of taking sides in arguments maybe been a voice of reason for them. Instead she chose to leave, to me it just looks more like MIL was pushing till she was handed a easy way out without being the shit person and husband gave it too her making himself look like the ungrateful SIL.

If dad works and mum is a stay at home mum, I think it’s fair for dad to not do midnight feeds. I think he was wrong to kick Mil out tho. He won’t help but also kicks out someone who would help…..not fair

At first I’d say yes, wrong. But also if lack of sleep outs him at danger and jeopardises his work etc then let him sleep. Its such a short time that new born wake through the night. I did l the night stuff so my husband could sleep and go to work and never once resented him for it. So there has to be equal ground in all parts of parenting. And his part is he needs to be Ble to function at work

I think asking the MIL to leave is entirely fair.
So far as the night-time help goes: in the early months, I kinda felt that was largely my job (as I was both on mat leave and breast feeding). My husband helped a lot during the day, but not at night (and honestly, since I was breast feeding, I couldn’t see the point of both of us being up). But I think you need to discuss that so both feel it’s fair.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 23 Jun 2023 , 5:16 am

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  I agree, adding another person to the mix that is not helping is a hinderance.

This is hard. I agree with asking the MIL to leave, but perhaps ask nicely and reason with her.
The help with night time thing…. my husband did a job that started at 3am so he leaves at 2 15am ish, so same thing he didn’t help. I know I shouldn’t (i did tell him all this), but I resented my husband then because he didnt help me, but i did understand why he didnt. He did help me at night if he wasnt working the next day. And he finished work either at 8am or 11 30am so when he came home he helped a little.
I’d suggest they sit down and talk about it like others said, and see if they can compromise in anyway.