What a horrible situation to be in. Can understand both points of view, but I think I would be staying away from SIL until things have progressed further down the track with his wife’s pregnancy. That way her peace of mind won’t be shaken, and the family might be able to stay on an even keel for later times when they are all together again.

Such a tricky situation. My sister had a stillborn so when I was pregnant after 4 years of trying and 2.5 years of IVF, I was anxious and sick the whole way through. I knew what COULD happen and it really stressed me out. She went on to have two other children and was pregnant whilst I was trying. I just think there needs to be a level of sensitivity. A miscarriage is such a sad and tragic thing, but to be sharing that with a mum-to-be during her pregnancy, is just unfair and cruel.

Tough situation. I understand SIL wanting to talk about her miscarriage to help her grieve but it’s causing grief her pregnant mum to be.

hard for both sides – a mc is a really hard thing to go through

Yes you are! It’s tough to lose a baby, talking helps. Let her talk

This is sad all round. The poor SIL and mum to be. Lots of communication will help here. He was trying to protect his partner so hopefully they will understand.

I think you tried to do the right thing by asking nicely and since she kept doing it and upsetting your wife. I think it’s fair you had a good at her. Tough situation for everyone involved though

I don’t think anyone is the a-hole in this situation. It’s obviously hard on the husband and his wife given it’s a high risk pregnancy and they’d be worried about the same happening to them, but it would also be so hard on the brother and SIL seeing his wife pregnant and being painfully reminded of their loss too. In saying that, whilst it is important for her miscarriage to be acknowledged and spoken about (rather than it being a taboo subject), she should try to be more aware of the anxiety it must create for her BIL and his pregnant wife, particularly as they’ve asked her not to talk about it in front of them.

No, you’re not an a%$hole. You are protecting your wife ( and most likely yourself as well) which is totally understandable and the right thing to do. Your SIL has been asked politely and hasn’t listened. I think maybe she needs to get some professional counselling and/or you and your wife need to distance yourselves until your baby is born.

I can see it from both sides but sil should also understand how nervous it would be making your wife. She should be trying harder not to bring it up in front of your wife until she’s had the baby especially after how hard it was to conceive. I can understand how your wife would be feeling. Doesn’t mean she can’t talk to anyone about it she can still talk to you and her husband and other friends and family and after your wife’s had the baby she can start talking to her about it then

All sympathy to the in-laws; talking about their tragedy is no doubt part of processing it. But SIL is crossing the line and deliberately trying to be upsetting. She needs to talk to someone else and learn when to be quiet.

I feel sorry for the SIL but she should be able to understand she is distressing the pregnant woman. The SIL should talk to others or a counsellor about her loss.

No I don’t think you were an asshole. I understand how they must be feeling but she should know better since she already has children, what it’s like when you’re pregnant and someone keeps talking about a miscarriage. Tell your SIL that she needs to see a counsellor to talk it through and she won’t be welcome in your home unless she does stop.

I can do understand her need to talk about but it’s pretty unkind of her to keep going on about in front of his wife especially when asked not to. And for the mum to be with a high risk pregnancy, she would be anxious enough, she doesn’t need that. I understand the husband doing off. If I was in that situation, my hubby would have gone off too.

There’s a time and place to talk about it and even after being asked to stop she didn’t…usually I’d say blowing up didnt need to happen but maybe in this situation it did

I believe there is a stigma attached to miscarriage still and it does need to be spoken about more freely, but when put into this context the original author is well within his right, looking out for his partners mental health through pregnancy is super important. Whilst the sister in law is grieving she also needs to understand the anxiety it would induce into this mans partner. I would like to know if the SIL has been offered heaps of support from family members.

I understand that you should be able to talk about it, but doing it in that context is just wrong…

I understand both parties. Getting angry doesn’t help though. Maybe some counseling for SIL to support her in her grief would have been a better suggestion.

I feel for them all but the Sister in law also has to be thoughtful of others. She is not the only one who has been through a lot.

Personally I would have lost it had my SIL kept going on about her miscarriage while I was pregnant. It’s ok to mention it but not to always bring it up.