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July 10, 2017

8 Comments

An article titled “Being a Mum is Not Hard. Stop Pretending it is,” has outraged this mum and we think she makes a good point. Who gets to decide if your hard is worse than mine?

Lauren explains, the title made me angry enough but hoping it was just click bait, I decided to read the full post and as expected, I was still angry after reading.

You can see a quote from the article below….

It certainly isn’t a constant dance on a mountain of happiness.
But it isn’t hard.
Do you even need me to tell you what IS hard?
Or can you just look around your own home or office to be reminded. The lives of the workers who made the devices you are reading this on. The lives of the women who crafted the clothing you are wearing. The lives of the mother who works two jobs to feed her children. The life of the refugee desperate to get to a land which represents freedom and safety.
That’s hard.

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But not your life. Not mine. Not waking up with three bustling bursting with life chaotic children who one-by-one snuck into my bed overnight.
Not shopping in well-supplied supermarkets for abundant food for my family. Not spending each day with the satisfaction of a job that allows me to be near my children when it really counts.
That’s not hard.

motherhood hard

Lauren argues, My Nan has always instilled in us “there is always someone worse off, be positive” and this is true.  Coming from someone who has had a huge amount of struggles throughout her early life during the war, it rings even more true to me after hearing of her experiences.  But, if I ever told her that I was finding something hard, I was never told that it wasn’t.  I was told that aspects of our life can be hard sometimes but that it’s okay because we can overcome this eventually if we put our mind to it.

I wasn’t told that my struggle or hardship wasn’t viable because other people were struggling more than me. Each person’s struggles and hardships are their own.  There is no ranking system.  It doesn’t need to be compared.  Something that is hard for me may be an absolute walk in the park for others.

There are so many people in this world doing it tough.  Facing heartbreaking hardship and struggle. However, I’m sure, that just like us, these people would proclaim their hard days and then think about the people even worse off than them.  Which is unimaginable, really.   Yes, “the lives of the women who crafted the clothes you are wearing” may be harder than what we are currently experiencing, but that doesn’t mean that our feelings need to be disregarded.

We aren’t devaluing the hardship of others when we say that motherhood or parenting is hard.  It’s the best thing to ever happen to me, the love I have for my daughter is like nothing I’ve ever felt before and it is damn rewarding.  But it can be HARD and by saying that it is, is not me being a “mummy complainer,” it’s not “creating a construct of a life unappealing,” it’s just me expressing my emotions and feelings because I’m sick of society placing “perfect parent” badges on the parents who’s lives seem completely positive.

When I posted a blog about Losing Myself in Motherhood I had numerous messages and comments from mums who were too worried about telling people they felt the way I did.  I was scared to post it, in case people thought that because I spoke about feelings that could be seen as negative, I wasn’t a good parent.  I am.  I’m a great Mum and Lola might never see the effects of me having a bad day, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t and it doesn’t mean I should hide it from others.

I’m all for positive parenting.  I’m all for sharing the great times. However, the effects of not sharing the dark times can be extremely detrimental to one’s mental health.  If we came home from work and mentioned our hard day, would anyone question this?  Not usually.  So why is parenting any different?

As parents, we have hard days, blissfully easy days, exhausting days and days we wish would never end.  It’s okay!  It’s okay to have a hard day, it’s okay to say that being a mother is hard.  Who is anyone to tell us otherwise?

Lauren Eccleston is a work from home, Mum to one who lives in Country NSW. Originally a city girl, Lauren is not only adjusting to country life but also Mum life.

Find her on Facebook, Instagram or visit her website Peanut Butter Push Ups.

Share your comments below

This post originally appeared on Peanut Butter Push Ups and has been republished with full permission

  • different circumstances and situations are tough and we all face our own battles. Perspective also dominates how you will deal with life. I love being a mum and wouldn’t change that.

    Reply

  • I think most parents would say it’s hard at least sometimes.

    Reply

  • When I read the heading at the top the article my first thought was “don’t say that to the Mum of a severely disabled special needs child / children” Life is hard for them especially if any of the children need 24 hour non – stop care.

    Reply

  • No life is the same. When we say that being a mum isn’t hard, this can be totally true for ourselves, but we can’t say this for another person as we don’t know their heart, their life, their pain, history, physical, mental and social circumstances and everything they have to deal with indeed.

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  • For those of us born into a western world with all the necessities of life part of normal everyday activities (clean water, stocked fridges, safe neighbourhoods) of course when comparing to other people less fortunate we would say “life isn’t that hard”. Being a mother isn’t about comparing our life circumstances. It’s about how as an individual we are coping with what we have on our plate for the day. And that varies! No two children are the same. No two days are the same!!! Some days are a hit and some days are a miss and yes we take the good with the bad and overall we look at the little bundles of joy at the end of the day (when they are sound asleep mostly!) and think “ok I can do this, I’m so blessed to have this little person”, but is being a mum hard?? Hard is a shockingly underwhelming, lack-of-descriptive word! It doesn’t begin to encapsulate EVERYTHING that being a mother is. For me, being a mother is questioning every decision I make, feeling amazing when my child is doing well and happy and healthy, and feeling guilty and responsible when they cry, teeth, get vaccinated, have a rough day, it’s feeling incredibly rejuvenated after a 3 hour afternoon nap with my toddler where he didn’t stir at all, and it’s feeling like crying and super tired, and a complete mess when I just can’t get him to go to sleep, and I’ve tried everything (on those days I’m greatful my hubby will go out and get some takeaway for us for dinner!) it’s trying not to compare myself and my child with other mums and their bubs, it’s wanting to be the best I can be for my family, and feeling like I succeed and fail 50% of the time respectively. Being a mum isn’t hard? No, it’s not. It’s so much more. And I have respect for mothers from all walks of life for the amazing job they do each day just by being there for their children.

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  • Thankyou for this article. After having a bad run these past few days with my DD (6.5m and sick with her first decent cold + i think beginnings of teething) and bursting into tears questioning my life choices including being a good enough mum for my LO. I really needed to read this. We fot this and sometimes its crap and it feels like crap but it and we will get through it.
    Thanks from a very tired FTM

    Reply

  • No comparison should be made between parents. It depends on individual personalities how hard we find things.

    Reply

  • If parenting isn’t hard you aren’t doing it right. Of course there is millions of people who have it much harder and would give anything for how hard your life is. But if you want to raise a decent human then its 100% hard work.

    Reply

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