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It’s an age-old debate – is it ever ok to bring your other kids to a party that their sibling has been invited to?

It’s left one mum wondering if she’s ruined her son’s birthday party, by refused to allow siblings to attend. The 32-year-old single mum says she raises her son on her own, without any support. And this has meant there’s never been much money for fancy birthday parties.

“For his tenth birthday he wanted a big event party like his more wealthy friends, he’s never had one before as we couldn’t afford it,” she explained on reddit. “Since tenth is a special birthday I agreed and saved up enough money for him and ten of his friends to go to a small carnival/theme park near our house. He was so excited and gave out invitations the next day.”

Everything was going swimmingly, until one of the mums said she wanted to bring her other three children to the party as well.

“At first I didn’t like the idea of other children my son didn’t invite coming to his party but after the mum explained she felt uncomfortable leaving her child alone with me since we didn’t know each other well I tried to be understanding. I told her that since money is tight I couldn’t afford to pay for her other children to come and she would have to cover the entry and food costs.

“The mum got very angry at me and accused me of being toxic for not letting her bring her kids and for making her pay. I tried to explain myself but she kept insisting that if I was going to pay for the party I should be able to pay for all the guests. When I pointed out her other children weren’t technically guests she got even more angry and said her son, the one invited, wouldn’t be coming to the party at all.

“I feel like I might have ruined my sons birthday by making one of his friends not be able to come. Am I in the wrong here?”

‘I take my five children to the party, even if only one was invited’

Mum of five Jeena Wilder recently went viral on TikTok when she revealed that even if only one of her children is invited to a party, she takes all of the siblings as well.

“You invite one child, you get all of us,” she wrote. “Don’t worry, we bring awesome gifts,” she added. She further explained: “My husband works a lot and most days it’s just me and the kids! I always RSVP or ask the parents first.”

@heytherewildersAre you team just the invited child goes or team the whole family?! My husband works a lot and most days it’s just me and the kids! I always RSVP or ask the parents first. ##largefamily ##family ##parentsoftiktok ##interracialcouple ##birthdayparty♬ Hillbilly type beet – Dadood

After the video went viral, Jenna made a follow-up explaining why she never just lets one child attend birthday parties. “Many parents are way to comfortable about dropping their kids off at kids’ birthday parties and sleepovers without even knowing their parents or even introducing themselves to the parents.

“In our household, that’s a no-go. We often hear stories about children going to kid parties or sleepovers and at that party there’s a child who is being bullied harassed or even racially targeted. And in our household, it’s not going to be like that.”

@heytherewilders
Reply to @nina_25_2004 whether or not you agree. Its not up for debate. In our household , if you invite one you’re inviting us all. We always ask the parents first and we don’t just show up. But if you keep insisting on just the one child… red flag ???? ???? and we most likely aren’t coming.
♬ original sound – jeenawilder

What are your thoughts – do you take your children’s siblings to parties they are invited to? Let us know in the comments.

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  • If you ask the host first then it is ok otherwise it’s quite rude to just expect siblings to join in.

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  • I always make sure there is more than enough food for the kids and their parents. I keep it to 6 children only. Although I can understand where these parents are coming from.

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  • No siblings should be factored in. I have not had that before.

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  • Luckily I haven’t been in that situation yet but I know there will be times that I might not know the parents or hubby maybe at work so I’ll have to take a sibling along but I’d always pay for the extra kid and not expect him or her to be included in the games or food. I’d however always check first with the host I know id be stressed ive planned enough parties now to know the financial stress. Plus giving a decent gift also.

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  • There have been times when I have needed to bring along a sibling to a birthday party, but I have always asked first and if it is at a paid location then I would pay for my additional child.

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  • I usually take only the invited child – in a couple of emergency situations (husband carted off to hospital without warning) I did take all of them, but only after (a) ringing the mum first to check and (b) making clear that I would be keeping the extra kids out of the way of party games and not expecting them to join in and/or paying for them. I have had Mums do the same to me – stuff does happen and it’s not necessarily rude if you ask first and ensure it doesn’t place stress on the host.

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  • If my partner isn’t at home then I take all my kids BUT only the one invited is paid for by the host and I will pay for the extra kids. Otherwise it’s not fair on the host.

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  • It’s never okay to not ask first. It really depends on the situation. I did one at a play centre recently and a mother did ask me and I was okay with it because the initial cost allows for a certain number of kids and I wasn’t getting a huge number of RSVPs, however, she offered to pay – it’s very rude to expect it. Also, if you are going to a party somewhere there’s usually an entry fee, buy a decent gift – colouring in books and stickers are not okay – etiquette dictates you spend what the host is spending on you.

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  • Definitely a tough one, the approach we tackle is very much those on the invite only, if parents ask if their other kids can join you set the expectations…like any event uninvited guests can cause unnecessary stress for an event that’s supposed to be a celebration. Even if at a public space unless otherwise noted that siblings are welcomed focus should be on the child enjoying their party with their own friends.

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  • When my boys had parties the invites only ever had the child’s name written on it. I think it’s wrong of the other Mum to expect the host to provide for the other children as well. I would have checked with the Mum and asked if they could bring the rest of the family but also state that I would be paying for the ones not invited.

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  • I get it. If everyone brought extra guests you can imagine how quick it would escalate. She would’ve spoke with her about it rather than expect her children be automatically invited.

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  • I have a rule: if your name isn’t on the invitation you don’t attend the party! Even if it’s at a playground, as I’d hate for them to have to cater for my other children also!
    I usually don’t mind siblings coming along to parties and will often include them, goodie bag etc.
    But if it’s a paid event I will say siblings are welcome to attend but I cannot pay their entry, however, food will be available!
    This year I wanted no siblings as I wanted it to be special for those invited. Two parents said they will need to drop off, which I thought was fine. I was very surprised that almost everyone dropped their children and left! Especially when both parents came to drop off and pick up. And I hadn’t met all of them before. The plan was for parents to help make it special for their child!
    What bugs me though is when a whole family shows up, both parents and all their children, it’s ok for one parent to watch the other kids and it’s ok for those not invited to not attend every birthday party!

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  • Why have invitations if others turn up? Seriously parties are for invited guests only.
    If you are invited to a wedding …you don’t bring along your whole family …same thing with birthday parties I say. ????

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  • Why have invitations if others turn up? Seriously parties are for invited guests only.
    If you are invited to a wedding …you don’t bring along your whole family …same thing with birthday parties I say. ????

    Reply

  • Why have invitations if others turn up? Seriously parties are for invited guests only.
    If you are invited to a wedding …you don’t bring along your whole family …same thing with birthday parties I say. ????

    Reply

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