This one is quite a sensitive topic and we appreciate mums sharing their own stories and helpful advice.

**Please be gentle and share any advice you have for this overwhelmed mum**

“I’ve just found out that I am pregnant again! I have two young kids (3 and 6 year old) and just don’t think financially or emotionally, I am able to have another at the moment.

“My mum, who lives in another state, has offered to adopt the baby when he/she is born. Is this even a possibility?

“I always thought adoption was such a long process so I’m not sure if this would work. Also, what happens if I want the baby back in a few years time? So so so torn!”

The options available:

Adoption

Many young parents consider placing their child with a family member to help care for and raise their child. This type of action does not necessarily require any legal action or involvement by the state or an adoption agency. However, if you want to permanently place a child with a family member and allow them to adopt your child, this will require an adoption agency. This is a big decision and should only be done after careful thought.

Kinship

When children can’t live with their parents, someone in the extended family or a family friend might become their primary carer. This arrangement is called kinship care, and these important people are called kinship carers.

Becoming a kinship carer can be a big change, and it isn’t always easy. Some kinship carers say it’s as if their whole world has been turned upside down.

Mums offer advice

The mum received lots of support and advice with many parents suggesting her first option should be to chat to a counsellor and share her concerns with someone who can help her through the process.

One mum shared, “I’m not sure about adoption but they can be the legal guardian and claim a like grandparent payment FTB income tested through centrelink. I’d be speaking with a family lawyer but I’m pretty sure it’s possible.”

Another agreed, “Consider allowing your mum guardianship, not adoption.”

“I would be more going down the lines of legal guardian… However make sure this is done with paperwork etc so if/when the time is right you can have your child back without issues”…wrote another.

Another said, “If they are the legal guardian and you give up your rights then you have no say over the kid. Whether it was your mum adopting the child or a stranger. You don’t automatically get to have the child back because you got your life together.
So you would need to work that out with your mum ahead of time.”

Some mums suggested maybe moving closer to home?

“Can you move to be closer to your mum? If she’s willing to take on your baby, I’m sure she’s be willing to help you out with your three kids if you were closer.”

“Perhaps move back closer to your mum? Join some mummy groups as well. Trust me there is nothing we hate more then a mum stressed about her kids. We will help x”

“If your mum can afford to adopt the baby, then maybe she can afford to help you raise the baby instead.”

 

Share your comments below


  • Hopefully this mama seeks some professional advice for options out there which will help her through this. I wish you all the best in whichever option you choose to suit your family circumstances..

    Reply


  • I do feel sorry for this lady but think about the poor Grandmother. She is being put in a very difficult situation.

    Reply


  • Unless the law has been changed it is a State matter although States do work together on some issues involving children. I know of a situation (I have met part of one family) the sister and her husband fostered 2 of her sister’s children who were being fostered interstate but were being abused. The family were approached and asked whether they would foster her sister’s children. The Mother had moved interstate, then didn’t want the children and had them put into foster care. The Foster Mum flew interstate, picked up the children and they ll few home together. Eventually the foster Mum moved back to her home state. Initially she was allowed so see them but only under the Foster Mum’s supervision. The children lived with their foster parents for over a year. Eventually the children went to live with their Dad. In that time he was able to get a different job and was able to care for his children. Initially he wasn’t aware of what had happened to the children apart from the Mum taking them interstate.

    Reply


  • I really feel for this Mum. I think she needs to speak to someone to understand what her options are. They may vary from state to state. I wish her all the best.

    Reply


  • I hope everything works out well for this woman.

    Reply


  • Hopefully she will change her mind after the child is born, would be hard to explain why she was adopted out to the grandmother, I think it is also cruel for the siblings. She also does not mention how hubby feels.

    Reply


  • If your child is put up for adoption then your family has to be part of all the other people who would like a child in the adoption process – there would be no guarantee that your family would be the adoptees. In your circumstances I would be trying to move closer to your parents so they can help out with all your children.

    Reply


  • So many issues I haven’t considered here. Such a hard topic to discuss.

    Reply


  • If I were you and I had a good and close relationship with my mother, I would to her and discuss moving closer to her. If she can, she might be thrilled to have you and her grandchildren closer to her and would probably enjoy helping you out without you having to go through any legalities. Call her and discuss the situation, I’m sure she will be supportive. You won’t know unless you make the call. Wishing you comfort and peace about the situation and every success with your pregnancy and a good outcome.

    Reply


  • Adoption is a federal order. It is lifelong and not reversible. Adoption in the family is not advisable as it changes the child’s legal family connections. Grandmother b comes mother, her children- in this case the birth mother- becomes sibling of their birth child. See the difficulty here?
    Guardianship orders are made in several states of Australia, expire when the child reaches 18 and are reversible. They do not change the family connections. This is the more desirable way within family. Seek urgent legal advise.
    Good luck with this difficult situation.

    Reply


  • I hope this Mum finds a solution, my heart goes out to her

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  • Adoption is so final. I’d look towards some ort of guardianship relationship.

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  • This sounds like a very sensitive area to explore for many people. I hope an amicable solution can be found.

    Reply


  • Maybe look towards your Mum being the child’s legal guardian. That way she will get the allowances available while bringing up your child. I wish you all the luck in sorting out this dilemma you’re in but see a councillor first.

    Reply


  • Hard topic. As a parent i believe you need to do what is best for the child.

    Reply

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